Sweet108 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Bf broke up with me after 1 year. I didn't cry in front of him basically acted confident until he was out of sight and earshot, did not beg or ask or another chance. Then, I went NC on him for the first week. He is 40ish never married no kids. I am same except once married long term divorced for three years. He said he didn't love me enough. He was honest throughout relationship. He did not abuse me, does not have addictions, and did not cheat. Does not speak badly about ex girlfriends. Most of his relationships ended at 4 month mark. Before me he had not been in a relationship or ONS, etc. for two years. He's somewhat perfectionist at times. His parents married long time as is a sibling who is long time still married. He still offers and fixes then things for me. He says he doesn't hate me. His religious background is one where guilt is often hanging around. Got close to me, no kiss or hug but physically next to me at last fix it thing but did not invite me inside his place. Initiates contact. Brought me small gifts. At first contact after break up he was shocked and bewildered acting. Does he want me back or not? I want to ask him straight up but I want to keep my dignity. I don't want to chase him. He doesn't have a lot of connections here locally in town we live in so possibly he is lonely. But lonely for me? His friends and family live far away who he is in regular contact with and visits few times per year. I don't think I can handle it if he says never a chance for a second chance. Also I don't think he knows I want him back. When I saw him in person recently (planned by both) I left feeling so sad and depressed again. What would you do if you were me?
bluechocolate Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 What would you do if you were me? Just ask him. If the answer is no then you'll have to do the NC thing again & stick to it this time.
RollTide10 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 While I'm younger (23) I made the mistake for first go around with my gf of 6 years after we split 5 months ago. She had moved a few hours away and didn't really have anywhere up there. After about a month of breaking up, she gradually started inviting me up, I went of course and things fell right back into the course they had been on. We lasted a while longer and then last week imploded again. We moved way to fast from the beginning after the initial break up and never really took the time we both needed to assess our lives and come back together as a NEW relationship. The facade was that we were new, but after the honeymoon stage ended, it was apparent nothing had really changed. I regret it greatly, especially now. This time it could be final. I could've honestly lost the girl I had a lifetime planned with because of moving way too fast. Take your time with him. Don't rush head on into things. As hard as space and time is to grasp when in the back of your head all you can think is but what if he/she moves on, it really is for the best. Be gradual in your attempts, and if he seems distant then back off, but if he's accepting then make sure you in a spot emotionally to be prepared for the worst. Such as all he wants is a friend. Don't go back in without your life and emotions in check or it is sure to go down a bad road.
Author Sweet108 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Thank you both. Blue, you have a good point: ask, then if the answer is no, then extreme NC. It would sting but I would know for sure, and would stop hoping and wasting my time. RollTide you're wise for 23. I appreciate you sharing your experience. The lady you mention sounds like she was lonely moving to a new area and knew you would be there to boost her up when she felt that way. And I will make sure that if he wants to get back together that we start from a new place. Y9ou're right I think what if he moves on? what if he dumped me in haste? what if he doesn't know I want him back? because I haven't shown him my grief at all. At the end of the day really though, if he wanted me back wouldn't he let me know? It wasn't like I dumped him.
RollTide10 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 They know. Last night my ex-gf opened up to me about a personal situation, one of which she would only come to be about. I accepted it and talked to her about it. It wasn't about No Contact or moving on at the time, but it was more a part of my upbringing and if someone you care for is in a time of need, it doesn't matter the situation you help. Although I thought to myself ok that's good she can still open up to me now lets just see if she texts me tomorrow/today. What do you know? Nothing. Not a peep. Although I feel I made the right move as far as my morals go, I also realize what the situation was for her. Breadcrumbs. I have been her emotional outlet for the past 6 years, she has noone else right now she comes to me, gets her help, and she's gone again. It's painful beyond belief, but it might be because I'm young and do believe in true love conquering all, but in your situation I do see hope. Just approach it cautiously. If this is truly what you want, go into it with an open mind knowing it might not be what it seems, but also if it is that you can be a person emotionally strong enough to hold the relationship together this time around.
LittleDemon Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Tell him you miss him and ask if he'd want to meet up
Recommended Posts