JG5 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Hey, I've been having some trouble with determining my ex girlfriends feelings towards me. My ex broke up with me 6 months ago. I talked to her very briefly a few times when I happened to see her for the last month of classes until we left for summer. Once we were on break I went NC for about 3 weeks until she texted me to see how I was. We had a short conversation, and I texted her back two weeks later to see how she was. This started a pattern of texting every three weeks or so, with me making a majority of the initial contact, however she seemed genuinely happy to hear from me. When classes started back up I texted her briefly about meeting up with her and her friends (whom I am also friends with) and they all were really happy to see me, in fact my ex even made baked goods and gave me most of them! Since then we have texted back and forth a few times about random things, and I met up with her and a couple of friends again the other day. Here are the signs that I see from her, but I can't tell if she is just being friendly or if there is something more: - When I invite her to do something she seems genuinely excited to go, although she is usually too busy to come. - When I talk to her she smiles and maintains eye contact - She seems happy to hear from me - She texted me at 1am to wish me a happy birthday - She likes my statuses on facebook - when I talk to her, she sometimes brings up things from last year, either before or while we dated. - When I asked if they (her and her/our friends that live together) would mind if I came to visit she said "You are always welcome" and she's helped me find a time to see her/them when my initial proposal doesn't work out. - she brings up my fraternity in such a way that she has fond memories of seeing them (although she only really met them twice) - she sent me a text one night like "I just passed your (fraternity) house while doing (blank)" - when I did see her randomly she seems to light up some when I say hi as we pass HOWEVER: - I am usually the one to initials contact - I rarely see her around randomly (we have different schedules and live on opposite sides of campus) - She doesn't seem to give me a lot of attention when we are in groups (though I have yet to see her when not in a group of her friends and it's probably just me wishing she gave me more attention. - I can't tell if she is just being friends with me or if she might still have feelings for me. At one point I showed some annoyance for her habit of taking 5 hours to text me back when I invite her and her friends to something and she replied with a heartfelt apology, which I responded to with one of my own, and her replies have come much more quickly since then. Sorry this is so long, I'm just not really sure about what to do. I'm continuing to invite her and her friends to do group things with me and some of my friends, but I guess I'm nervous to invite her to do something alone when I'm still unsure of her feelings. How can I tell if she wants me as a friend or a lover? I still have feelings for her and she is one of the nicest people I know.
Sweet108 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 My vote is friendly. Sorry . I know the pain of break up. It hurts.
RollTide10 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 You will never know man. It is what it is, and until she openly comes out and says she would like to reconcile and work on a new relationship with you, then your stuck in the never ending process of depicting if bread crumbs or if actually trying to make things work. It's painful I know. I'm dealing with it right now. Only a week in and I don't see how the girl I spent 6 years of my life with can just walk away so easily and carry on with her life. She still leaves me with a bunch of "I don't knows" and "I'm confused about everything". What I would like is for her to brutal. As much as it hurts if she would just say "this is our time is done there is absolutely zero going back" then I could have closure and realize and pick up the broken pieces and move along, but it never works that way. If you spent a substantial amount of your life with her such as I did, I think the dumper isn't necessarily looking for an ego boost, but more so knows that this the end of something that has lasted a very long time and while they are able to move into just friendship, the dumpee is nowhere near stable enough to be demoted to that of just a good friend. Take it for what's its worth but stop working for her feelings. It seems right and feels right and you think your making progress and then the day could come when you realize it was just as friends or that she has a significant other and your right back to square one. If she truly loves you and wants to work on things with you, she will, but let her do it on her own time and don't pressure her into something she isn't willing to commit to. You will only further ruin any slither of a chance you have.
Farsight Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) Well I will give you my view. On a scale of 10. 1 being only friendly and she doesn't wnat anything from you and 10 being completely in love. - When I invite her to do something she seems genuinely excited to go, although she is usually too busy to come.3,Girls often fake excitement in my experience. Or maybe not faking it but getting excited fast. It doesn't have to mean there in to you. Also to busy.... If there in to you there not to busy. And if they are they will reschedule. - When I talk to her she smiles and maintains eye contact2, It depends on how she acts normally. a lot of people smile and maintaining eye contact is considerd normal. - She seems happy to hear from me2, Again this is just normal. A lot of girls just want to be nice. I know a lot of girls who even act happy if they schedule a dentist appointment - She texted me at 1am to wish me a happy birthday6, Well that she remebers it is nice. Also the time is nice. She makes an effort. But still it can just be she wishes happy birthday to every friend she has - She likes my statuses on facebookIts difficult to score this one. Some people like 50 things a day on facebook. Doesn't mean anything. If she never likes something well then it significant. But I just take her a a typical girl and I score this a 2 and it would have been a 1 if there was no doubt. - when I talk to her, she sometimes brings up things from last year, either before or while we dated.3, That means she is not in to I want to forget al about you mode. A lot of girls want to forget or erase there past relationships. But agina it depends. If she talk about romantic things its definatley a 9 but my guess is she just vagely talks about things not specific with you. - When I asked if they (her and her/our friends that live together) would mind if I came to visit she said "You are always welcome" and she's helped me find a time to see her/them when my initial proposal doesn't work out. 7, That your ex wants you in there house is again a indication she doesn't hate you or the time you spend together. This kind of indifference could be a sign she doesn't have any feelings for you. Or it could mean that she secretly is interested. so again i take the averga of these 2 posibilities - she brings up my fraternity in such a way that she has fond memories of seeing them (although she only really met them twice) Doesn't mean anything 1 - she sent me a text one night like "I just passed your (fraternity) house while doing (blank)"8, Hmmm this is strange. Its a bit to friendly:P. Its kindoff clingy to mention your passing somebody's house. - when I did see her randomly she seems to light up some when I say hi as we passHmm she seems to light up? difficult well I'll tak eyou word for it a 5 HOWEVER: - I am usually the one to initials contactWow a 2 - I rarely see her around randomly (we have different schedules and live on opposite sides of campus)uhhh I dont have to score this - She doesn't seem to give me a lot of attention when we are in groups (though I have yet to see her when not in a group of her friends and it's probably just me wishing she gave me more attention.Thats normal and isn't necisarrely something to do with you. So I am not gonna score this 41/11=3,72 So I am sorry I guess she is just being friendly. That doesn't mean it can't get friendlyer:P. BUt for now she doens't show a lot of signs she want anything more. Edited October 15, 2013 by Farsight
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