angel_broken Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 This is my problem ...Does this make me a really bad person. I have been in a relationship with someone for 4 years now. It is intimate, and there is alot of feelings and emotiions involved. I know he loves me, and I knew that I loved him. I still think I do, but this love for him has changed. I admit that our difference in lifestyles, has caused me to make compromises, to make it work. Over the last 6 months, we've been drifting..at least I have been. There is another person, who has been showing a lot of interest in me for the last year or so. This other guy and myself are great friends, and we work well together as a team in our work lives. Recently, our relationship has moved to a level, where I have fallen in love with him, and he has openly admitted that he feels the same way. We were out on a job -related trip, in a very special and beautiful place, and our relationship progressed to a more physical level. We didn't make love, we wanted to, but realizing that this situation isn;t as simple as it is, we didn't. My friend of course knows of the guy I am committed to, and I also think that he knows that they're is something that is happening between me and my friend. He has once told me that he knows that this guy loves me, and had asked if I would consider not talking and being around him. But I couldn't do it... I am planning and I know that I need to be honest to the guy I am committed to, and I know that this will hurt him, yet I don't regret feeling the way I am for this other person, nor do I regret the things I have done. My friend, who has now become much more than a friend, has promised me that he will be here for me, whatever my decision is, he'll still love me, and support me. I know what I have to do, and I hate the thought of hurting anyone. Tell me what type of person does this make me ... A truly broken angel...
Author angel_broken Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 So if anyone is there, that can offer any advice on what this is that is happening to me...tell me please.
Merin Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 You already know what the answer is.. You need to be honest with your BF about what has happened. It isn't fair to anyone (especially your BF) To continue on with this deciet.
kellydontwanttasleep Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 your just a human being. love makes people do lots of things. just stay honest with both of them. be honest and it'll be ok. it's a hard place to be in. i would probably date them both and of corse tell them.
moon Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 I think you don't sound like a "good person".....to answer your question. In a nut shell, you are being unfaithful to your boyfriend, cheating on him behind his back and you want to know what kind of a person you are???? Do you really have to ask. But you've already made your mess. Seriously. The minute you started cheating on your boyfriend of four years. If you were a person of courage or conviction you would have tried to resolve problems in your "commited" relationship first and then broke up if things didn't work out. But you CHEATED. So now....you're going to really hurt your boyfriend and who really knows if this Casanova guy (cheating friend) is really going to be with you when you do dump your boyfriend. How do you know he isn't seeing a couple other ladies on the side? He was more than happy to cheat with you. How do you know he wont do the same thing to you? Sounds like he has low morals already. Sorry........this one sounds like a mess. Ask yourself later if it was worth it...... When do people learn? Same mistakes and the same questions......I can see, though, why you are on the break up thread. It sounds like you're heading for one.
Chris_T. Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I won't tell you if you're a bad person or not... I don't even know you. But what you're doing is not right. My ex and I had a split last March. She immediately started dating someone else. We started seeing each other and having sex again while she was still seeing him. After about a month of this I told her it was too hard for me andn told her I didn't want to see her anymore if she wanted to see him. She agreed. FF to August and we split again. We still talked and saw each other. Then we started having sex again a month ago. Well, she just informed last week that she was dating...that same guy...since September. I feel just so used. I haven't been to work in almost 2 weeks, I am drinking constantly...the pain I am in right now is SEVERE. I feel like an ass...she probably never stopped seeing the guy. It hurts like hell...I can't even describe it. So, my advice to you would be to stop doing what you're doing, if you care at all about your BF.
ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 This has happened to me and the results were devastating. You've "cheated" already. Break up with the boyfriend and don't hurt him any longer. It's much more painful to him for you to drag this out unnecessarily. Allow him the opportunity to move on to someone more deserving of his love. FWIW, I don't think you're a good person at all. KARMA comes to mind. What ye dish out, be ye prepared to take.
Chris_T. Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC This has happened to me and the results were devastating. You've "cheated" already. Break up with the boyfriend and don't hurt him any longer. It's much more painful to him for you to drag this out unnecessarily. Allow him the opportunity to move on to someone more deserving of his love. Exactly. If my ex had just left me alone all these months, I'd be better. But she was selfish and decided she wanted her cake and eat it too.
NiCoLe20 Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 i will agree w/ mostly everyone on here by saying what u did was wrong by cheating on ur man of 4 yrs.... if u had intentions that you were going to do it, you shouldve ended the relationship beforehand to avoid crushing his heart....if u decide u want to be w/ the new guy then do whatever makes you happy.... but... i wouldnt tell ur b/f of 4 yrs that you cheated on him...yea you should be honest but he will be very very hurt.. hell i would be crushed... but i would tell him my feelings have faded and drifted away and things arent the same anymore and you want time to think... i would most likely say something like that instead of oh i cheated on u w/ this guy i work w/ and im gonna be w/ him... see wha ti mean... you wont know how he reacts so i wouldnt come out and say it right away..ease into it.. lol
ConfusedInOC Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by ck_guy02 I don't wanna be mean.. but they have names for girls who do things like that.... and if the shoe fits where it.... And we wonder why STD's travel so fast...... It is sick and its a shame..... I often wonder about the psyche of people like this. They don't see the damage they are causing. If you know you love someone else, end it IMMEDIATELY. That's the only way to minmize the damage. And might I say, the grass often looks greener on the other side but once you cross the fence you'll find it's about the same as the pasture you left. It's just the patches are thicker in different areas. I tell you, this is the one thing I never forgive an Ex for. You love someone else? TAKE A HIKE! I'll find someone else more worthy of my love than YOU!
EC Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 W/e listen..You can't control the way you feel. You didn't chose to feel these things for this other person and it's not your fault. I agree cheating is wrong and well you already did it. You only live once. You can't ignore the feelings you have for this person. Yeah the grass isn't always greener on the other side and this guy may or may not be waiting for you if you do decide to leave your bf for him. But you know what, thats a risk you have to take. And then whatever the outcome you learn from it. Even if things don't work out with the other guy you already know that the feelings for you bf aren't the same so w/e the outcome I think you need to realize that you cannot settle. I do think you need to be honest with your bf though and let him know what exactly is going on. You will only hurt him even more in the long run by not being honest with him and its just not fair to him to keep this and continue this behind his back. You need to be fair and it will hurt him but what can you do? He needs to know and then you need to deal with the consequences.
beejsea2 Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 I guess you need to put yourself in your bf shoe's how would you feel if he was the one that came to you and said I think I'm in love with someone else...my guess is that you would be hurt. You need to be honest with your bf and yourself. Are you really in love with this other guy or are you in love with all the attention you're getting. Being in a relationship sometimes it's nice to know that there are people that still find yourself desirable. Maybe you need to back off and just be alone to figure out what you really want...how can jumping into another relationship before one has ended bring about anything good??
Author angel_broken Posted December 9, 2004 Author Posted December 9, 2004 I already knew what type of person all of this makes me...I just needed to hear it from others. I really never meant for any of this happen. I too can never and still will never understand how it is that a person can cheat and hurt someone that they love. I wish I knew why this had to happen to me. I know and always knew that I would have to tell my boyfriend about this. This happened a week ago, but my boyfriend and I are not in the same area, so I was going to tell him when I see him in a few days. But, this is all that has been on my mind, and so we talked a little about it on the internet. He knows that I've developed feelings for this other guy, and he has always known that the guy loved me. I wish I knew why this had to happen to me, and us. It doesn't matter if anything even happens with this other person...all of what has happened has just changed me thinking I can make my boyfriend happy, if even though I love him and know he loves me...that I still developed feelings for someone else. We're each other's first love...and I hate that I've hurt him, but I want him to be happy. He knows that I've developed these feelings, but he says now that we know we have a problem we have to work at it so that I can go back to loving him alone, but is it fair for him. Do I even deserve a second chance?
ConfusedInOC Posted December 9, 2004 Posted December 9, 2004 Originally posted by angel_broken I already knew what type of person all of this makes me...I just needed to hear it from others. I really never meant for any of this happen. I too can never and still will never understand how it is that a person can cheat and hurt someone that they love. I wish I knew why this had to happen to me. I know and always knew that I would have to tell my boyfriend about this. This happened a week ago, but my boyfriend and I are not in the same area, so I was going to tell him when I see him in a few days. But, this is all that has been on my mind, and so we talked a little about it on the internet. He knows that I've developed feelings for this other guy, and he has always known that the guy loved me. I wish I knew why this had to happen to me, and us. It doesn't matter if anything even happens with this other person...all of what has happened has just changed me thinking I can make my boyfriend happy, if even though I love him and know he loves me...that I still developed feelings for someone else. We're each other's first love...and I hate that I've hurt him, but I want him to be happy. He knows that I've developed these feelings, but he says now that we know we have a problem we have to work at it so that I can go back to loving him alone, but is it fair for him. Do I even deserve a second chance? I think you'd be best served staying away from BOTH of them for a couple of weeks to get your bearings. Play the PRO/CON game. Write down the pros and cons of each guy. At least in some respects that will give your current B/F a fighting chance. If I was your B/F, I'd show you the door.
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