Ton45 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 This might be a little long but I think it is be best to describe my relationship from the start. I am from New York and only recently returned from living overseas in New Zealand for almost three years (studying). During my last year I met a Chinese Girl and we instantly clicked. Unfortunately, after three weeks our romantic relationship ended as she wanted to take a step back and see what happens, putting us in a "grey" zone and essentially confusing me. We were always together, however, things began to go downhill. She progressively became more rude, disrespectful, and demanding. She asked for help with her academics (she is doing a PhD). For 6 months we continued on with some genuinely good moments sprinkled in dealing with her immense attitude. Eventually, things culminated when we traveled to Canada partly for her PhD conference and to sight see around British Columbia. We had a great time, but I decided to return to New York for a few months to take care of my family. Prior to this trip, she noticed I was pulling away and suggested that we can rekindle our romantic relationship and asking me to travel with her was part of her desire to do so. Anyway, while I was home she needed help with her proposal and asked quite frequently, but she also would message me almost eveyr other night saying how much she missed me. Within a month and a half though, she started seeing someone else without telling me, while still soliciting me to help her (went on for 10 days). I directly confronted her and she told me the truth. She asked me that she didn't want to lose me in her life and didn't want to experience the pain of losing one of her "best friends" and considered our connection genuine. I however, said my goodbyes, told her how I truly felt (that I was feeling used and lead on) then blocked her from Facebook, and other social mediums (WEchat etc.). It's been about two months since I stopped talking to her and she has attempted to contact me three times. The first two suggesting that she just wants to see me again and misses me, saying it's "not fair" that we can't be best friends. THe third time she used several mutual friends to contact me saying she is on skype and that it's urgent she speak with me. She then spammed me on gmail saying that she needs to see me and talk to me face-to-face. To give her a chance to speak, begging me. Now, I don't feel justified in speaking with her again as I am trying to move on. This is not out of spite but for me. She of course used me to some degree, but there were some memorable experiences that we shared which I can never really forget. Is it wrong and immature to cut ties with her completely and never talk to her again? I don't want to see her suffer, but I also don't want to be pulled into the same foolishness once more.
Mariposa10 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 She's being very immature by not leaving you alone. She used you and was dishonest with your by not telling you she was seeing someone else. Don't bother responding her, she just wants to be in charge again. Right now, you're the one in charge and she's dying to take the power back and alleviate her guilty. She's only focusing on what will make HER feel better. She's only thinking about herself. This is your time to think about YOU. You should block her from Skype as well.
Zahara Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 She's not suffering. Trust me. She just needs that unconditional support that you gave her, nothing else. Most likely can't find it anywhere else. People that care for you aren't disrespectful and rude and they don't run around behind your back. It's pretty obvious she didn't care how you would feel when she was seeing another man because any idiot would know that it would be hurtful. It's not immature to cut ties. It's the emotionally smart thing to do. Stop looking to salve her feelings. Your wellbeing comes first. 2
Author Ton45 Posted October 18, 2013 Author Posted October 18, 2013 Thanks for the advice everybody. You are right but it is painful to lose her none-the-less. It has been difficult these past few days. Two days ago she sent me an email asking me if I remember something I wrote to her during the first week we were together, posting it on the email itself. She then proceeded to message me through gmail the following day that I'll post here: (Name), i know you wouldnt reply, i just wanna tell u that u mean a lot to me and i really hope someday we can tall to each other again. What happened is there, no matter whom i am together with in the future, i would always remember you as a decent guy and quality friend. I told you before, I wished we were togther, cos i know you are a very good guy. i guess i am not enough for you. i just wish we were still hanging out everyday, and laughing, and eating together, and wish we could finally go to Devonport sometime. But i guess none of these will ever happen. I wish you all the best. the other day, when i saw the daily routine u wrote for me, i laughed and also cried i miss the closeness we used to have i cant believe the canada trip is the last time we hang iut out if i knew that., i wish i could be nicer to u do u remember the hole we lived in?/ and the free subway?? and the sandwich we made everyday? i am very pathetic now talking all the time pretending u were there reading i really thought there was a potential between us when u r back to NZ, i just didnt know i would met that KIWI guy during that time i was extremely confused and struggeled at that time i was extremely depressed cos of the PHD i was stressed out u know me i can be very down and i am paranoid now, when i "yell at somebody like, why u r being.... the end of the sentence is always ur name people would be confused i just hope u were still in my life why we cant still hang out?? why how r u now? i met (friend) the other day i interviewed him I asked him about u or he mentioned i dont remember r u coming back to NZ? IF U WILL, I HOPE there is a chance that we can still make things right and pick up the closeness we used to have the days we spent at the lab are memorable actually all the times we had is memorable and precious if u were in front of the compute r u must be laughing at me and swearing at me rigjht? i know you hate me i still keep the huge A s at my room also ur chair i just hope ahhhhhhhhhhhh i wish things could stay at where when we texted each other in a crazy way recently, i have been eating a lot of fish and chips bad allso, i realzie i have never had a friend like you non-CHinrese but so close i think we should have always just stayed friends then i wouldnot lose you losing u in my life will always be hurting all the time it is hard for me to get over this maybe u alreay forget all of these memories but to me, it is irreplacebale part of my life ok, i need to stop i keep crying now I hope i will see you someday before i die maybe in NZ or the US or China we siad we will travel to China sometime aiiiiiiii all gone (Name) i hate you u used to call me demanding woman hhahahah i was i was being a bitch to mu to u but i care about you i was just being stupid ok, ttyl, wish u all the best, (Name) take care" Regardless of what happened between us I feel bad when I see this and I it's left me, again, confused. Perhaps this is her way of dealing with it as a final goodbye/closure.
kruluk Posted October 18, 2013 Posted October 18, 2013 your worth more than this, consider yourself lucky that you are here seeking advice before this gets too far out of hand she is begging you to come back so she can use you i am begging you to please not do it and find someone worth your love 1
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