Chs Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Hey guys, i've made quite a few threads about my old ex, but long story short: First love, lasted about a year, exactly 2 years since we broke up, got a new girlfriend but can't totally forget my ex. So today i was downtown with one of my friends that needed to buy some clothes, so we went in a store and apparantly my ex was now working there. It was a big store and i only saw her in the womens section far away so didn't say hi or anything, and we left pretty fast after. But even a few seconds of seeing her from a distance makes me feel physically bad. My heart pounds and my stomach hurts, and i kinda hide inside myself. We went to get coffee afterwards and i could barely maintain focus on our conversation - you know, like in the movies where the world around you just stops. Why do i still feel this way? Emotional attachment might be hard to break but i can't deal with feeling physically down for hours after just seeing her.
Oldcatskinner Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Hey Chs, Unless people have memory loss, they will never forget those they once cared about and invested in. However, as we get older, we get more life experience, and this is where time apart helps. I know exactly what you mean about the physical pain that comes with seeing your ex. I went several years without seeing mine, and BAM, all those feelings come back. The last time, we made a real go of it but it didn't work. I think and truly believe that there are some people out there that for whatever reason have a hold on us. Did you know that your ex worked there? Was it a shock to see her? Unless these people are deceased, there is the probability that you may run across them one day. I've told myself this, and should it happen, I won't be in shock because I have prepared for it.
JoelBarish Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 (edited) Hey Chs, Unless people have memory loss, they will never forget those they once cared about and invested in. However, as we get older, we get more life experience, and this is where time apart helps. I know exactly what you mean about the physical pain that comes with seeing your ex. I went several years without seeing mine, and BAM, all those feelings come back. The last time, we made a real go of it but it didn't work. I think and truly believe that there are some people out there that for whatever reason have a hold on us. Did you know that your ex worked there? Was it a shock to see her? Unless these people are deceased, there is the probability that you may run across them one day. I've told myself this, and should it happen, I won't be in shock because I have prepared for it. I was out eating dinner with my family and my ex walked in with another guy, she saw us and turned around and walked out. This was just a few weeks after she dumped me. I was prepared for it. I had even mentioned to my brother earlier that same day that if he saw my ex around to not tell me because it would be upsetting for me to hear about it. So yeah, I was prepared for it to happen eventually but it was still a shock to the system and painful. No matter how much you think you're ready for it, it is extremely painful. To the OP. I know the feeling you speak of. You feel anxious and you tremble. You feel like you're doing something wrong just for being there, as if our exes don't want us around and that we shouldn't be in their space. I don't know why we feel the guilt like that. Maybe because we cared about the person greatly and we still care too much about their opinion and feel we are intruding. But I tell you what, my ex must have felt something similar seeing as how she walked out of the restaurant that night. It's important for us to remember we have the right to be somewhere just as much as they do. Edited October 14, 2013 by JoelBarish
Author Chs Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Good points by both of you, thanks. I especially agree about the feeling of doing something wrong and intruding their space. And that some people just have a certain hold on us. It's just weird with this girl, we barely spoke after our break up, we texted abit and at the time went to the same school so a few inevitable run-ins but it was a very abrupt ending. She found a new boyfriend after a couple of months, and i was single for a long time but eventually found a new girlfriend about a year after. But i still care about my ex to some degree, and i would love to know if she feels the same connection, even if neither of us want to be together. Maybe this desire is why i feel like i do when i happen to see her somewhere. She has shown subtle signs of at least caring a tiny bit, as much as a year after our break up. Once at my graduation about 6 months after our break up, and once more early this year when she admitted me that she knew i had been casually talking with someone and she didn't want to see me with that particular girl. I just feel like i want to talk to her, but i can't because it would be unfair to both my -and her significant other, and because it might be the last thing she wants. But i guess i will never find out eh, im feeling better now that it's a day behind me, but no doubt it will happen again.
mea_M Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Hi there. When we open our heart to someone even it's just for a fleeting moment, we've shared a part of us that was given to that person alone. So of course it's special & something you will remember probably always. The key to moving forward is too keep the special memories. Lock then up in their own little place and look back and smile. Now is that easy! Heck no. But, it's healthy and it can be done ..I promise you that. Feel through this and then see the flip side to that smile of a treasured memory. Good luck. Mea :-) 1
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