celia1990 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 we've been together for a year and we get along very well. we share interests, have a lot of fun and we talk to each other about everything. we both really fancy each other, we've both met each others families and we've even gone on holidays together. at the same time we don't completely live in each others pockets which i think is good as we're both in our early twenties and have very busy lives. I told him i loved him a month ago and he said he couldn't say it back just yet as he wasn't sure what love even was and couldn't lie to me. i felt that was honest and fair. a month has passed and he is so sweet to me that it really feels like he loves me. still, he tells me he's not where i am yet.... i find this so confusing, he does one thing and says another. i find it so hard to be patient as i fear he's really going to hurt me if it transpires he could never love me back. he promised me that he's just slower than me and wants to catch up with me. should i be patient or should i consider this inertia towards loving me as a red flag? i just don't want to prolong getting my heartbroken but at the same time don't want to give up on what we have, as he says it himself, we have something special.... any insight would be much appreciated!
Axee Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Hi, If this guy keeps you happy in all respects then you shouldnt worry and neither be insecure .. Insecurity FOR SURE kills a relationship... From experience, I feel girls shouldnt propose first...coz whoever proposes first is most of times taken for granted.. This may be wrong, but this is what I have seen.... And yes, please be patient and done be insecure.
deathandtaxes Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 What do his actions tell you? Do his actions speak of love? Or do they speak of just being friendly? Can you accept that won't declare his love with words? A year is an awful long time to be together without at least some deep feelings on his part. 1
Author celia1990 Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Thanks guys, that is really helpful advice! you're so right about the insecurity, i get horrible waves of it and this is a new thing for me. he has noticed it too and it seems to have been putting a strain on things. I'm not sure where it comes from, i guess we're both to blame and then it becomes a vicious circle where we're both right and we're both wrong. And yes even though he doesn't say it he actually does show me that he loves me. he spontaneously kisses and hugs all the time, he compliments me and just makes me feel wonderful. I know he cares about me and he doesn't want us to break up as he feels we have something special... he has on occasion made sacrifices for me and some very sweet gestures that i would only do for someone if i loved them! that's why i get so confused when he can't say it.... Funnily enough i'm in agony and i've been blaming him for it but actually it's my own insecurity isn't it? he promised to work on himself and our relationship. he swore that he is trying to be on the same page as me but just needs more time. he couldn't possibly give any more. i need to calm down and let him breath. i need to accept his quirky ways... I hope i'm doing the right thing. it's not easy.... love hurts!
Axee Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 Be calm and go with the flow. Dont be demanding.. things should happen organically.. you will know when the time is right for what...
Phantom888 Posted October 16, 2013 Posted October 16, 2013 I hate to be a devil's advocate, but this is BAD!!! A year and he can't say "I Love You"? That is really a long time to get to know one another, and if he can't express love for you in words, he is holding out. He is basically occupying you so he wouldn't feel lonely. He gets all the benefits of a relationship without having to commit with love. He is waiting for a special someone to enter his life.... he will definitely say "I LOVE YOU" to her very soon...because he has been waiting for her. You are not the one he loves. He is just waiting, and in the meantime, you are there to satisfy his needs. Sorry. As a man, I know when a man falls in love he goes nuts. He does not love you. 7
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 People say I love you out of the heat of the moment, then disappear from each others lives one month later. So to be a year with a guy and still not get an "I love you" back, means something is seriously wrong with the way he feels about you. You could look at it in the way that maybe he's someone that just doesn't "throw the word around" but that's not going to hold any water at this stage in the game, your best hope is that he has some major emotional/psychological issues which prevent him from opening up and saying those things, but if you look around, a lot of guys are pulling that ticket too because of a bad relationship/cheating or whatever. So regardless of what you see in this relationship, it's not because the guy is in love with you...hell, the guy doesn't say he loves you just in general, you guys just seem like good FWB...get along, enjoy similar interests and all that jazz but that's not what makes a relationship a romantic one, that's just compatibility in that light, which can happen with any other human being such as friends...in your case, with benefits. However the guy treats you is how he treats, a lot of men will make you feel loved without actually loving you, and plus what is love in your eyes? that's questionable at best, after all you're still learning what that is yourself. At the end of the day, you've already wasted your time if you expected this to become what you think it is based on how YOU feel.
Axee Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 Many people say "I love you" for the sake of saying it followed by no commitment.. Many people dont say it and then eventually commit... Cant generalize... Best bet is to trust your gut...
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 17, 2013 Posted October 17, 2013 This is awful. I would not stay in the relationship where a man didn't say he loved me beyond about 3 months mark. Actions do speak louder than words but ONLY when words are positive. If words are negative, actions shouldn't even be taken into consideration. 1
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