aybc123 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 (edited) Hi all, So I broke up with my gf in early july, was pretty much mutual though there were still a lot of feelings there between us there were too many things stopping us from staying together. We'd been together about 2.5 years although we had previously broken up for a few months at my request in between. We stayed friends but i could feel her pulling away slightly and trying to move on which i understood and though it hurt a bit was more or less fine with. She left to go to another city about 150 miles away for a couple of months due to work at the start of august (the same city she moved to for a year during our relationship and which caused the temporary breakup in the first place), initially we actually started talking a lot more but then after a couple of weeks she pretty much cut off all contact, and as i suspected when i met her briefly at the end of august she told me she had been on a few dates with someone new. THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD'VE LEFT IT!! For some reason this news just hit me hard, i realised i hadnt been trying to move on and that i still had feelings for her and after shed left to go back to this other city I told her so via email. Now, in my mind obviously she felt the same way and would be conducive to this (why is it everyone thinks that the other person feels the same way they do during a breakup). Whereas I now realise what she was really feeling for me at that point was, nothing, finally, nothing more than the slight fondness of an ex anyway, there was a new guy she liked, she'd moved on. I obviously didnt get any kind of caring response which flipped me out even more, so I deleted/blocked her and told her i just needed to not be friends for a while whilst i moved on myself. After a week I realised that was a pretty childish way to act and tried to mend bridges but by that point she wasnt having any of it and after initially responding proceeded to ignore me and my eloquent but ****ing stupid apologies mixed with a drunk text or two. which upset me even more and to be honest made me pretty desperate for a day or so just to fix things. That was around 5 weeks ago now, and I havent heard from her since and its been pretty hellish, i hate being ignored, and i hate people i care about thinking badly of me, both of which apply here. I've sent 2 texts in the meantime just saying sorry for acting a fool but no reply. She's now due to move back here in a week or so. I'm actually feeling much better about the actual breakup, i'm moving on myself and have been dating new people and sorting my life out. But I'm still extremely troubled by how things have ended up, and am also embarrassed at how I acted. I dont want to get back together with my ex, but I also dont want to just look back and be bitter about it so I would like to at least smooth things over with her enough that we can make friendly small talk if we bump into each other etc. All i really want to hear is 'It's ok, I understand and forgive you, but let's leave it at that and go our own ways'. What do you think my chances are of this? I realise i ****ed up pretty bad, and its been 5 weeks of her ignoring me completely, I also think her new relationship is still going strong so i'm not sure what my chances are. I think my best shot is just to leave well alone, shes probably going to be expecting me to be doorstopping her at somepoint over the next few weeks at her office (we work on the same campus and have overlapping social circles) or home, and maybe when I dont show up or try to fix things again she will want to reach out on her own? Sorry for the essay Edited October 14, 2013 by aybc123
hms_ocean Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Can't help you as I'm in the same situation right now. Would love someone to give some insight on this. I think the whole make sure of no contact is hurting me more now than just trying to say sorry properly and that we really could be 'just' friends. That's what you have to think about.
Author aybc123 Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Problem is i've said sorry, I think she probably just needs some time to forget quite how cringingly i acted, and also probably until the honeymoon period of her new relationship is over because at the moment she'll be feeling perfectly happy and secure falling in love with someone new and burying her head in the sand about anything to do with me. Honestly i think at this point trying to bump into her to talk to her is probably just going to result in me getting blanked and feeling worse, she isnt replying to her text messages for a reason. Maybe in 6 months or so I may pop over to her dept during lunch. Part of me does think that if she just heard my voice/ saw my face it would be much harder for her to just ignore it and be this harsh but I dunno. Anyway your situation may be different to mine, I really dont want to get back together with her, I just dont want to be enemies. If you do want her back then maybe there are other things to consider like you say.
Mariposa10 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Time, time, time. Everybody is so emotional right now. Let time do its thing. If you really are ok with not getting back together, in the future, you can always send her an email saying hello. When I say future, I'm not talking about a couple of months more like 6 months. 1
BC1980 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 You can't be friends right now. Both of you need time and space to grieve because what you are going through it grief. I know what you feel like. You think your ex can help you through these sh*tty feelings, but the reality is that your ex cannot help you through this. You must go through this process without the ex. It seems weird doesn't it? The one person who we went to when we were having a bad day now is unable to be there for us through this grief. It sucks more than any of us can express, and we are all going through it. Do not contact her for friendship. You will be inviting more pain into your life than you are going through right now.
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