Diazepam Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Hello everyone, Have lurked for a long time but never posted, thought today would be a good day to start. Am going to have to be a bit sketchy with some details in case my ex happens to stumble across this site, not that I am saying anything awful but I guess privacy is meant to be the nature of such forums. I met ex at work and we noticed each other for a long time but didn't act upon it until one night we were working late and ended up going for a drink and one thing led to another. Straight away he was honest with me and told me in his home European country he had three children (which I was excited about, as I am infertile) and a female flatmate. He also told me that night he had once slept with this flatmate, I took little notice as at the time I just thought it would be casual. We had an amazing night and things hotted up very quickly after that. I was a bit suspicious of the flatmate as I have heard men in relationships pass their girlfriends off as flatmates, but I met her and it was clear there was nothing between them and they were always in separate beds etc. As things hotted up more I moved in - with the very uncomfortable situation of having her in the small flat as well, but he said he couldn't kick her out as she would have nowhere to go, I didn't want to be a bitch so said nothing. I tried very hard to like this woman, and I am the ultimate woman's woman, but she, frankly, is utterly manipulative and a complete user. She paid him no rent for five years and still he allowed her to live with him for free as he admitted infatuation with her. He said they slept together once and it was a disaster. She was always clear she didn't fancy him and told him she found him unattractive. She is the type of woman that men chase as she is very standoffish and cold, then turns up the heat when she wants something. She has a boyfriend who is obsessed with her but she is utterly dismissive of him. When she threw a tantrum and he bought her flowers, she said to my ex, give them to your girlfriend instead and recycle them, they mean nothing to me. She rants and raves in the morning about small things like her cup being in the wrong place. She would leave notes of instructions for my boyfriend to do things for her, like her washing or tidy her belongings. My boyfriend would sleep for hours when I was there or be on the computer but he would set the alarm to wake up for her or talk to her for three hours downstairs while I was upstairs in our bed alone waiting. She has a completely split personality and is utterly charming at other times. She plays on her graceful walk and moves which he commented on, where as I am very clumsy. She likes flirting with other people's husbands at parties. My boyfriend's sister said she could understand why she didn't have many female friends. His mother liked her and I think she would have preferred if he had been with her,mainly because she had a child already and she didn't want any more grandchildren. My boyfriend has given her thousands of pounds, where the most I got from him was a cheap lamp. She has a daughter in her home country that he bought an expensive computer for and planned on buying a phone for her. Yet she had the nerve to joke about infertility in front of me and say how happy she was she had an abortion as she couldn't cope with 3 children under three (they were twins, apparently) Fair enough if that's her choice, but why flaunt it in my face knowing how I long for a child. At weekends we had to be completely quiet in the house as she slept all day and would scream if woken up even by normal domestic noise like washing the dishes. She is very sensitive about her own problems but has no feelings for others. When I tried to bring this up with my boyfriend he said she likes me and finds me beautiful. However many times I overheard her moaning about me being there. I would understand not liking it if she paid her way, but she only paid rent for three months in five years. She went back to her home country for a year and a half and ignored him the whole time. I was meant to be going back to live with him in his home country at the end of the year, but he became very vague about it and just made jokes when I asked serious questions. He constantly professed undying love for me and said he loved me with all his might. I seriously thought I would put up with two more months of her and then we would have our life together. He kept hinting about my birthday present being ultra special and would kiss me tenderly when he said it, and I was sure it was an engagement ring, it turned out it was a funny present he bought online. As well as this woman, he often compared me to ex girlfriends, and kept in contact with one who was particularly sexual. I told him he had a week to sort out her texting and tell her to keep it purely platonic and not flirtatious, and he didn't. So the week was up, and I finished things. I said I wouldn't be second best any more. I raged at him at the weekend - I am not proud of it. I can count on my hand how many times I have raised my voice in my life. He said I could not control who he is friends with. I said no but you can control putting a woman you are infatuated with before your girlfriend, and comparing me to other past lovers, and communicating with them and allowing them to flirt with you and lying to me about who you are texting. When I asked him to come up with a concrete plan he said incredulously so you want me to buy you a house? Why is that so unreasonable that we would live together like normal people in their late thirties as opposed to students in a cramped flat? His ex wife lives in his flat, this woman lived off him for years! How come it's OK to be 1950s style for them - but not for me? My angryometer is at its max. First I was still longing for him - now I just feel duped and drained.
bluechocolate Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 She paid him no rent for five years and still he allowed her to live with him for free as he admitted infatuation with her. ding ding ding ding ... It was never going to work.
Emma1234 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 You were completely right. How dare he treat you second best? I think you did well to end things and stick up for yourself, especially as you did try communication with him before you walked. Focus on yourself, you (all of us) deserve to be someone's whole world.
Author Diazepam Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 ding ding ding ding ... It was never going to work. Yes, this was my gut feeling, but I always hoped otherwise, as he assured me those feelings he had belonged in the past. But you are right, of course. Unfortunately reason does not always prevail, sigh...
Author Diazepam Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 (edited) You were completely right. How dare he treat you second best? I think you did well to end things and stick up for yourself, especially as you did try communication with him before you walked. Focus on yourself, you (all of us) deserve to be someone's whole world. Thank you for your supportive words, Emma. I am still a bit shaken up for shouting at him, but the situation had reached boiling point. I said the same to him - no one deserves to be second best - I either want a proper, mutual relationship, or none at all. Edited October 14, 2013 by Diazepam Typo 1
Recommended Posts