Hopelessromantic25 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 First and foremost I'm uber glad I found this site. I really had no idea how common my dilemma was until I started reading the threads here. It gives me a peace of mind so to say and reading the experiences of some very strong people here gives me the extra push I need to make through another day/night. if you've read some of my threads already you may have an idea what my situation is. I'm the OM but it's over. However my question is, is it counterproductive to read these threads. I was told that if you're trying to get her out of your mind, maybe it isn't a good idea to read about similar situation. That by searching on this site, I'm just keeping her in front me..? My friend made a good point. But I would like to know how you guys felt about it? Thanks for any feedback. 1
SarahJames Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 I think it's both. It's counterproductive because reading about similar situations then makes you dwell on YOUR situation. Instead of working, going to the gym, engaging in other hobbies, meeting available women, and developing a potential relationship, you're still thinking about your unavailable woman. Reading about similar situations is going to make you think about the moments you spent with her, its inevitable. On the other hand, I have found that when I was having a bad day and spent the majority of my time on this site, I did not even THINK about contacting my exMM. I would read so many of these threads and be SO disgusted with what these MM say and do to their OW, that I did not have any desire to contact my MM. Reading these threads has made me realize that there are so many people in the same situation I was in, they are accepting so much less than they deserve. I have accepted way less than I deserve. Not anymore. 2
Calcmag Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Actually, IMO it's a double-edged sword. I ended it with the guy who had been MOM, and was by that time single, 4 years ago. The A and post divorce R was 10 years duration. I've been completely NC with him for about a year and a half now. So you'd think I'd be over it. Posting and reading here does actually seem to stir up emotions again. It's helpful to read other's stories, and can be helpful to post too, but too much time here is counterproductive for sure. Incidentally it doesn't just apply to A's. My last R was a non A conventional thing but posting and reading here has sometimes been a bit of a barrier to getting over it.
thecharade Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Living life is best of all! But if you feel weak or down, then come here. And post instead of contacting her. But the best times of my day are the times I am finding my joy, not the times I am venting or commiserating.
hollyhillcourt Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 First and foremost I'm uber glad I found this site. I really had no idea how common my dilemma was until I started reading the threads here. It gives me a peace of mind so to say and reading the experiences of some very strong people here gives me the extra push I need to make through another day/night. if you've read some of my threads already you may have an idea what my situation is. I'm the OM but it's over. However my question is, is it counterproductive to read these threads. I was told that if you're trying to get her out of your mind, maybe it isn't a good idea to read about similar situation. That by searching on this site, I'm just keeping her in front me..? My friend made a good point. But I would like to know how you guys felt about it? Thanks for any feedback. Searching for answers is normal. Instead of constantly burdening friends with wanting answers, I turned here and to different books. For me this site was very helpful. In the beginning it was helpful to read other people's situations so I could put some perspective on my own. I've taken breaks now and then as I feel better and better. Coming back and reading more continues to put perspective and remind me why I am lucky to have moved forward, even when exMM still attempts contact. I've said it before, this site and feedback/stories is like all information you receive in life you take the information that makes sense to you, apply it to your life, and discard the rest. If you are still here, wounded and searching for answers after a significant amount of time has passed (whatever that time is for you) you may want to consider IC. 2
bentleychic Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Sometimes I think this site definitely does more harm than good and I have since day 1 here.
JPMC Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 This site does way more good than bad. The affair is on your mind. It's like AA. AA keeps you talking about alcohol. When you read the threads on here, you find parallels. When you are involved in the affair, you don't realize the insanity. But when you read someone else is involved, you think, they're crazy. So it's good from a re-affirmation standpoint if you've broken it, want to break and get over it that you are doing the right thing. I came hear searching for answers and got them. I've hit my all time record for no contact and am healing. 3
psm04 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I am almost 100% sure that if it weren't for this site, I would still be in the affair. Not only that, it would be a very bad affair, completely on his terms and me just grabbing at the small crumbs he throws at me. This site and the posters helped me come to my senses, get the self respect that I had lost through the affair experience, and get the strength to do what I knew I should have done but couldn't. We haven't had inappropriate contact since the beginning of August, and the only contact I have with him now is about mundane stuff during work hours (not constantly either). I'm thankful to everyone who has helped me get to this point. I'm not sure whether it would be healthy for me to come here long term. I do feel that I relive the affair and the memories when I read and post here. He is a good guy who never gave me false promises, and a part of me will always love him, but it is painful to think about things. But, I also want to be able to talk about my experiences, and hope to be of some help to others that are struggling just like I did and still do. Idk, one day, I might deactivate my account here as that final step of healing, and that would be my closure. 3
MissBee Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 First and foremost I'm uber glad I found this site. I really had no idea how common my dilemma was until I started reading the threads here. It gives me a peace of mind so to say and reading the experiences of some very strong people here gives me the extra push I need to make through another day/night. if you've read some of my threads already you may have an idea what my situation is. I'm the OM but it's over. However my question is, is it counterproductive to read these threads. I was told that if you're trying to get her out of your mind, maybe it isn't a good idea to read about similar situation. That by searching on this site, I'm just keeping her in front me..? My friend made a good point. But I would like to know how you guys felt about it? Thanks for any feedback. This is up to you. You have to feel for yourself if it feels useful or not. I do think sometimes if you're trying to move on constantly rehashing may not help, but it depends. For others, being here reading how many of the As sound like each other, hearing from those who've successfully moved on, having a space to express feelings and to get pep talks to keep NC is helpful. So you have to see for yourself if it works for you or not.
LilGirlandOW Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 I'm with the opinion that this site in a whole is an amazing coping tool. As an OW I can openly discuss stuff here that I can't in real life, the thing here is you have to decipher and filter the feedback you get, I understand a BS opinion is generally going to be different than that of another OW, or an xOW, or somebody who's never been in an A, etc etc. try to Take what you need out of the threads you create/read and ignore the obvious emotional reactions to a trigger you/or OP unknowingly pulled. Get overloaded in OW issues, this site is so dynamic you can take time off this forum and still post in water cooler, or the ever entertaining sex forum, lol. I don't think loveshack is harmful in the least, great community, dynamic site, knowledgable posters, descent mods.
Recommended Posts