I cant take anymore

[Leslie1953]

Hello. I am new here and need advice, opinions, anything you can give me please. This may be a little long, so please bear with me, and please don't judge me by what I was doing for a living at the time this all started.

In 1998 I owned a phone sex company that I worked myself. I needed money as my husband at the time was not working. I have a very nice voice, attractive for my age, and used my own VERY tasteful web site.

 

I HATED the business and was just in it for the money, and, needless to say, I was good at what I did. Enter 'Dean'. In 2002, Dean started calling my business a few times a month for almost 2 years. To be honest, my most normal caller!!! Also, I NEVER participated on any of the calls. Even with Dean. He always had MY interest at heart, if you know what I mean. Anyway, after the year and a half we became good friends. Within a few months we knew more about each other than our spouses. Let me give you a little info on us. Me, I have suffered with debilitating phobias most of my life. (I am in my 50's as is he).

 

Anxiety and Agoraphobia mainly. Rarely went far from home. He knew this. I was married 20 years when he and I became friends. My marriage was never great. 5 years of somewhat happiness out of 20. Not good. Him, lives in the Midwest, got married because he got her pregnant, never was IN love with her. Knew there was more to marriage, romance, life, and went looking online, found me. Four years after he was married he paid an escort, sex with his wife, from what he said, was horrid in many ways. I believe this as he wasn't paying me $60+ a month for nothing. Before he started calling me, he tried to have an affair with his neighbor, and almost fell in love with his sister in law, his wife's sister. He was shut down by both.

 

He was basically looking for love in all the wrong places. In 2007, he told me he was IN love with me. (We are 1200 miles apart). I ignored him for a couple months. Finally I answered the phone and told him I loved him. Cupid's arrow hit me hard!!! When I told him this he said, 'I can't love you, I love my wife and I am going to work on my marriage'. I was beyond devastated. I am not and never have been an emotional person, but I sat at my home office desk and cried for 2 hours. He called 2 weeks later and said he loves me and never did anything to work on his marriage. So, we continued in a long distance telephone relationship, NO PHONE SEX ever occurred. It was strictly normal conversations. He committed to me 3 times and took it away 3 times over the years. He bought me a beautiful diamond and sapphire ring to show his 'love and commitment' to me.

 

We exchanged small trinkets, we talked every day from his job, every night after his with went to bed. This man promised me the world. Because I never travelled, he was ready to show me the world. He planned to retire in 2008 and relocate to another state in the Midwest, I was SO comfortable with him and so ready to go. He retired, but left for the new state with his wife. A short email to me that WE, as in her and him, relocating etc etc.. I didn't hear from him for a week. I couldn't eat, sleep, work, function, I was sick, had no idea what was happening. When he called he apologized, said he would of called but there was no pc in the hotel. He told me he was staying with her, yet he still called, still said he had hope for us etc..

 

It's like I was a child and this guy gave me a puppy, and 24 hrs took it away. He promised me a life I never had!! In June 2009, he flew out here and we finally met. It was amazing. I never knew what REAL love felt like. I know now I was never IN love with my husband. I actually drove 20 minutes to a Hampton Inn and stayed on the 3rd floor!!!!! This is SO not me to do this with what I suffer with, but I did it, he was so proud of me, he was tremendous support in my life. More so than my husband. He cried his heart out when we had to leave one another, as did I. We still continued on as her and him bought a nice home, he started his new job, etc.. He has told me he can't leave her but doesn't know why, yet he still contacts me daily.

 

My husband and I never have sex anymore, and he knows this. He doesn't want me to have sex with anyone! He like NEEDS to know IF I ever do. He and his wife haven't for years, I believe him because they weren't doing it when he started calling my business. This continued on. I saw him again this past May, better time than the last!!! It was beautiful, wonderful, loving!!! Once again drove 20 mins to a Comfort Inn, beautiful room. Soon after he got back home, his wife saw my number on their cell phone bill. I am a Life Coach by trade now, and he told her he was getting counseling from me. She wasn't too thrilled about that. (She is extremely insecure).

 

She actually called me and I lied for him!!! She caught me off guard and I told her I didn't know him, never heard of him. Two months ago he left his phone charging at his desk at home, she picked it up and saw a bunch of emails from him and with 'I Love You's' in the subject line. She awoke him and grilled him, and continued to do so till today. She thinks it is an emotional relationship. He wormed his way out of the truth, she doesn't think we ever met. They are both seeing therapists, he is doing it just to make her happy, he says he is going to give this marriage another shot, YET he wants me to stay in his life like we have been. I told him he needs to let me go and work on this, he's getting a second chance, he said no, he needs me, needs to hear my voice. He has never been allowed to have friends because of her. He said his life with her was like being under a microscope. I am so hurt and devastated it isn't funny.

 

I got into his Facebook and saw 3 loooong conversations with his neighbor he tried to have the affair with, a woman he went to school with, and their new neighbor, in everyone he is flirting, not as much with the latter person. He always states, my wife goes away a lot, or Im a good listener if you ever want to talk. Reading these made me feel a little differently toward him, maybe opening my eyes a bit. Enough where I want to tell her. She called me earlier this year when she saw my number on her cell bill. I told her I was a life coach, and I am now. But I told her I had no idea who her husband was. He told he did contact me for help. She bought it. Now after seeing the emails 2 mos ago, she never read them, I would have, she thinks it is an 'emotional affair' he had with me.

 

She has no idea we met and made love...twice. I want to tell her everything. I have emails right up till today that he wrote about how much he loves me, how he still wants me in his life, how he promises to make me happy someday, I have voicemail recordings over the past 3 months I saved, and photos of BOTH meetings. I want to tell her for revenge, closure, and he doesn't give a **** about her or their marriage, and I think she should know so she can move on.

 

I am sure once the dust settles and if I back off from him, he will pull this again with someone else. I need closure so bad. And I'll be honest, while I continue to suffer, I cant go day by day while they ride off into the sunset once again!!!

 

Thank you for listening.

Edited October 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[thecharade]

Your husband is one issue.

Your MM is another.

Decide on your M separately.

 

But your MM sounds very unappealing, no offense. In his 50s and acting like a child, like his W is his mommy? Eww. He can leave her, you know? He's a big boy that can do what he wants. I feel like this MM would not appeal to you if your M was better. Maybe get a marriage counselor and see if that helps you? When you improve your life, you won't care about his. Or revenge. Focus on you, you, fabulous you. It is honestly the only way.

[thecharade]

In getting out of these things, building yourself and your life up goes so much farther than trying to take them down.