LittleJ Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 So my BF and I got into a huge fight about a week ago and he has been stonewalling me since. It's been almost 6 days of VERY little contact (maybe 2 VERY short text messages, mainly demanding more time and space). He mentioned that maybe we "plan on doing something on monday. I just need to figure S*** out." My question is this. Is there anything I can do, or say to put an end to the stonewalling, or should I just continue to honor his space indefinitely? I love him, and there is a lot of good in our relationship. I know this is a major red flag, but I'm willing to give him another chance. When things are going well with us, he mentions how if conflict arises, "you can help guide me through it, because I want to learn how" so I'm willing to be patient and try to work this out with him. But in the middle of this Stonewalling, I just wonder if there is any way to approach him to help him feel safe with me again.
Carenth Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Depends, what was the fight about and does he have a solid reason for being this angry. I know that sometimes especially if one person has done something to make the other person feel betrayed of trust then no matter what you say they will still be angry. They just have to work through the feelings and get over it or not... Really depends what you guys were fighting about but from what you describe it must be pretty serious.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Dump his sorry *ss. Stonewalling is child's play and mind games, it's a tantrum of adult proportions. He's being an *ss and punishing you for standing up for yourself (I am guessing there was an element of that involved in your 'fight')... It's up to you whether you want to babysit him and be a doormat/beg/plead,etc., or if you want to have some self-respect and walk away from this. I know which one I'd do. Believe me, it is not fun to be stonewalled, I've experienced weeks and weeks of stone-walling, and it was the most manipulative, sh*tty thing anyone could've done to me. There's no good way of going about this. It depends on the person doing the stonewalling. I'd say, let him be and let him think about the situation, but most stonewallers do so as a way to get you to beg / apologize/etc., basically to punish you, so they will get even angrier if you ignore them and give them 'space.'
Author LittleJ Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Depends, what was the fight about and does he have a solid reason for being this angry. I know that sometimes especially if one person has done something to make the other person feel betrayed of trust then no matter what you say they will still be angry. They just have to work through the feelings and get over it or not... Really depends what you guys were fighting about but from what you describe it must be pretty serious. Actually, the fight itself was not serious at all. It may be some underlying stuff though. I don't know (stonewalled). Essentially, I was irritable by him waking me up one night. I was groggy and so I lashed out inappropriately. Mind you, we were on a weekend getaway, and he had spent the day drinking. For the most part, we had a pretty awesome time. Anyway, my irritability and inappropriate reaction stirred this whole thing, and before you know it, we are screaming at each other (which has never happened before). We slept on it, and I tried to snuggle him in the morning, which participated in, but our entire 4 hour drive home was in silence. When I asked how he was feeling, he told me he had nothing to say (stonewalling begins) and naturally, I became frustrated, pressured him a bit more, threatened to leave. When he dropped me off, that was the end of it. We haven't spoke since aside from what was mentioned before. I've sent him a few text messages apologizing for my part, letting him know I loved him and would honor his request for space. These all went unreturned. Ironically, our mutual friend reported to me that "he didn't allude to any ill feelings between you both at all. He said you both had a nice trio, and that was that." So I want him back, but not sure if it's over or not. He's just unresponsive.
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