How does this short letter to ex sound?

[youngbutoldsoul]

Brief background: It's been 3 months NC after a 2 year relationship with my bf. He's currently 20 and I am 21 and we both go to the same university. Our breakup was almost 7 months ago. He demoted me and offered friendship but I explained it couldn't work that way and said I had to move on with my life so he hasn't talked to me since. I felt the urge to write a letter (as a response if he ever reaches out to me). but I do not plan to send it as I'm sure everyone would advise me to stick to NC. Please share with me what your thoughts are on what I wrote. Does it sound like a realistic and fair response if he ever gets in touch with me again? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

Hi [Ex],

 

Good to hear you're well and I am sure your summer and school year has been fantastic. I've been well myself and it's been a meaningful time in my life for me to spend it with others in need.

 

Through our time apart, I have made peace with the past. While I do not blame you for choosing to end that relationship we shared given the circumstances, your choices beyond that left me with shock and an impression that gave me a more realistic perspective on the time we've shared.

 

If history repeated, I still would have turned around that day you tapped me on the shoulder and accepted our destiny. I wish I had the wisdom and made better choices to sustain our relationship and perhaps that is part of the reason why I could not let you go. I believed deeply in our life story and I believed our circumstances were unfair and it was absolutely possible to resolve our problems. We lived and breathed chaos with our family situations and exhaled in tranquility the moments we rightfully earned and safely shared alone. I had become accustomed to enduring all challenges with you no matter how awful they may be because you were my partner and nothing meant more to me than experiencing life with you.

 

It was difficult to disconnect but I could not have stayed in touch with you given how I was treated too. Even though there were many unpleasant surprises such as finding a new person in our bedroom, I found the truth to be quite liberating.

 

Maybe part of truly loving another human being is naturally practicing forgiveness. I cannot deny a part of me will always believe in the possibility of rediscovering that undefeatable spirit and capacity for greatness we shared, but I accept that you chose to let me go so that you could continue your search in life. I wish you happiness and success in all your life endeavors.

Edited October 14, 2013 by youngbutoldsoul

[RollTide10]

While I'm not keen on advice I am overly curious as to where you found the strength to deny friendship. I'm 23, and just had my life ripped right out from under me from the supposed girl of my dreams. 6 years together and bam, over. 6 years of her being my best friend, spending our college days together, me being closer to her family then you could fathom. Her dad and brother and I were inseparable, and due to school not going the way I had planned, having to work a job I despised and kept me away from her, and her also quitting her job to go on the road for work and being surrounded by men 24/7 and actually even texting some of them, one in particular" continuously I self imploded became needy and smothered her and she ended it. The past week has been brutal, and I have texted her some, but today I decided was it. I was going full blown NC, sent her my final message of acceptance and was prepared to carry on best I could. 45 minutes later she comes to me with personal issues, ones I can't avoid and issues only she would come to me about, and I was there for her. Where did you find the strength to continue on? I want so bad to and know I need to because everything she sends me I look for the silver lining and it's like she places it there purposely but then when I look at it from a different standpoint I see it could just be her trying to let me go easily without being too brutal because we have shared so much. I'm so sorry for rambling this is your thread, but I am truly impressed and would love to know any personal insight you have on how you found the will to tell the person that meant everything to you that you can no longer be there for them...period.

[Simon Phoenix]

Don't send that. All letters are bad for the most part. Way too much rehashing of the past. Leave the past in the past. And don't tell him that you accept the breakup, just accept it. Keep that letter to yourself as a way of getting your inner thoughts out, but don't show it to him.

[youngbutoldsoul]

While I'm not keen on advice I am overly curious as to where you found the strength to deny friendship. I'm 23, and just had my life ripped right out from under me from the supposed girl of my dreams. 6 years together and bam, over. 6 years of her being my best friend, spending our college days together, me being closer to her family then you could fathom. Her dad and brother and I were inseparable, and due to school not going the way I had planned, having to work a job I despised and kept me away from her, and her also quitting her job to go on the road for work and being surrounded by men 24/7 and actually even texting some of them, one in particular" continuously I self imploded became needy and smothered her and she ended it. The past week has been brutal, and I have texted her some, but today I decided was it. I was going full blown NC, sent her my final message of acceptance and was prepared to carry on best I could. 45 minutes later she comes to me with personal issues, ones I can't avoid and issues only she would come to me about, and I was there for her. Where did you find the strength to continue on? I want so bad to and know I need to because everything she sends me I look for the silver lining and it's like she places it there purposely but then when I look at it from a different standpoint I see it could just be her trying to let me go easily without being too brutal because we have shared so much. I'm so sorry for rambling this is your thread, but I am truly impressed and would love to know any personal insight you have on how you found the will to tell the person that meant everything to you that you can no longer be there for them...period.

 

RollTide, don't be sorry. I'm glad you shared your story with me because this is what this community is about. We are all connected by common elements of our individual unique stories.

 

You sound much stronger than me by still putting your ex as #1 on your priority list with whatever problems she faces. It wasn't easy for me to just cut ties with my ex. I begged and pleaded for WEEKS on end and he reciprocated by stringing me along and then once he found someone else who he became infatuated with, he finally destroyed my last shard of hope and said we would NEVER have a chance again. I shared the same thought at first. If I couldn't be his lover, I still wanted to be a part of his life supporting him as a friend. But then it all came down to reality and I could not voluntarily give away my self-respect and accept to be demoted as just a friend. Most of the times, the dumper isn't genuinely interested in a friendship and as time goes by, you will naturally exit their life when they have a new lover and forget about you collecting dust in the corner. Can you truthfully be her friend and watch her live happily with someone new? I know I couldn't.

 

It's excruciatingly difficult for me to suddenly stop talking to the love of my life. He became dead....nonexistent in my life. But I realized that's the only way I could move forward. Think of it as a past lifetime. Look forward to a future you get to choose for yourself now. That was the lover of your past lifetime but you must accept that nothing is forever in life and smile at the memories but realize a new exciting lifetime is waiting for you ahead.

 

Of course all this is easier said than done. I wish I could take my own word for it and do the same. He might have crushed my shard of hope but there's a speck of it that I will always have. I told him friendship seldom happens and when it does its usually a mutual breakup but in reality, most breakups aren't mutual. One will always be hurt if they have feelings and its clear you love her very much. Tell yourself at the end of the day, we all make decisions based on what we think make us happiest and love her enough to let her go. We all had to do that with the love of our lives.

 

I'm not sure if I answered your question. I basically explained to him that friendship wouldn't work out properly because it doesn't work when it's not mutual. He chose not to respond. Actions speak louder than words. It was a big statement he made....that he didn't care to wish me well or say anything. My rejection of his friendship was the final nail in the coffin.....

Edited October 14, 2013 by youngbutoldsoul

[todreaminblue]

RollTide, don't be sorry. I'm glad you shared your story with me because this is what this community is about. We are all connected by common elements of our individual unique stories.

 

You sound much stronger than me by still putting your ex as #1 on your priority list with whatever problems she faces. It wasn't easy for me to just cut ties with my ex. I begged and pleaded for WEEKS on end and he reciprocated by stringing me along and then once he found someone else who he became infatuated with, he finally destroyed my last shard of hope and said we would NEVER have a chance again. I shared the same thought at first. If I couldn't be his lover, I still wanted to be a part of his life supporting him as a friend. But then it all came down to reality and I could not voluntarily give away my self-respect and accept to be demoted as just a friend. Most of the times, the dumper isn't genuinely interested in a friendship and as time goes by, you will naturally exit their life when they have a new lover and forget about you collecting dust in the corner. Can you truthfully be her friend and watch her live happily with someone new? I know I couldn't.

 

It's excruciatingly difficult for me to suddenly stop talking to the love of my life. He became dead....nonexistent in my life. But I realized that's the only way I could move forward. Think of it as a past lifetime. Look forward to a future you get to choose for yourself now. That was the lover of your past lifetime but you must accept that nothing is forever in life and smile at the memories but realize a new exciting lifetime is waiting for you ahead.

 

Of course all this is easier said than done. I wish I could take my own word for it and do the same. He might have crushed my shard of hope but there's a speck of it that I will always have. I told him friendship seldom happens and when it does its usually a mutual breakup but in reality, most breakups aren't mutual. One will always be hurt if they have feelings and its clear you love her very much. Tell yourself at the end of the day, we all make decisions based on what we think make us happiest and love her enough to let her go. We all had to do that with the love of our lives.

 

I'm not sure if I answered your question. I basically explained to him that friendship wouldn't work out properly because it doesn't work when it's not mutual. He chose not to respond. Actions speak louder than words. It was a big statement he made....that he didn't care to wish me well or say anything. My rejection of his friendship was the final nail in the coffin.....

 

 

speaking from personal experience when someone rejects a friendship even if you havent gone out with them or dated them its not about making statements if you dont reply sometimes....

 

 

i wrote a dont worry you wont see me again or hear from me good goodbye and good luck i dont like to judged(and found wanting i left the last part out) reply i sent that...then he replied again....and in reply

i wrote a long text and i sat there devastated unable to send it,he had already told me i was looking for attention when i tried to apologise.... it took me fifteen minutes sitting there before i deleted that text to his response he had given.....because i knew no matter what i said the determination and conviction was there in words for me to re read from him ..the off handed way he said it....didnt even seem like the way he is....what i knew of him.........i thought about sending a three word text ....please no goodbyes.......and i didnt send that either.......i didnt reply because i wanted to make a statement........i didnt reply because i couldnt..

 

 

wasnt intentional or a game or a statement..i was just too hurt.....i do agree with you though, friendship doesnt work when its mutual or there are strong feelings on one3 side....my ex friend did the right thing by dumping me.....doesnt mean it istn painful but....for me...i cared too much about him so therefore i was always worried and careful when i spoke to him or texted him.....he cared so much less of me that he was often careless with me....careless of how i felt......and when you invest in someone .....you get hurt and you take the risk its always worth that risk i feel....

 

 

it was always i feel unintentional he hurt me like he did, he just didnt care that hurt more than intentionally setting otu to cut me down.......so therefore he was never a friend of mine....i was just his friend who didnt know that until he said it...i didnt make a statement by not replying to his last text...he made the statement and i respected his stand...even though i hadnt dated him , or gotten to know him like i wanted to know him......what he did was probably the best fro me not for him maybe i am an awesome friend...;0)...but me yes because i cared for him

 

as an adult..i have had many things happen to hurt me..i have not had someone reject my friendship as an adult as a child yes.........now i have had that.....dont think i want to feel it again.....once is enough.....deb

Edited October 14, 2013 by todreaminblue

[RollTide10]

Thank you for the response. It does help tremendously. Though only a week in to this break-up, it's basically just a continuation. About 5 months ago we had broken up before, and unfortunately we rushed immediatley back into things with no time to really face the problems we both had, went through another honeymoon stage, faced adversity, and fell apart again. The first time around I had my suspicion of another guy. Did they date? Nope. Hookup? Couldn't tell you but I was informed by many that they were definitely in touch a lot. I was never really the same after that. Though I knew she wanted me, it still hurt me to think she possibly wanted another. Key the fact we rushed. I was nowhere near emotionally ready to try again, especially when now the job she works involves her being around HUNDREDS of men daily. Every single name she mentioned I questioned. And the one that she is and has been in contact with basically every day for the past 3-4 weeks works for her dad. I'm just to the point to where as horrible as it is to say, but if she's going to do something with this guy, please just for God's sake do it. Give me the validation I need to know your completely out of this, because unlike you right now I don't have anywhere near the strength to walk away from this girl. I hear and understand NC is meant for ones on self being, but I just see it as so foolish to 100% commit to when I would realistically in my heart being using it as a way to make her miss me. Your story does give me incredible hope though. That even if I do have to face the day of reckoning and realizing this girl who I devoted my life to is truly gone, that there is light at the other end of the tunnel. That you've done it, and many others have as well, and that I too can.

[youngbutoldsoul]

Thank you for the response. It does help tremendously. Though only a week in to this break-up, it's basically just a continuation. About 5 months ago we had broken up before, and unfortunately we rushed immediatley back into things with no time to really face the problems we both had, went through another honeymoon stage, faced adversity, and fell apart again. The first time around I had my suspicion of another guy. Did they date? Nope. Hookup? Couldn't tell you but I was informed by many that they were definitely in touch a lot. I was never really the same after that. Though I knew she wanted me, it still hurt me to think she possibly wanted another. Key the fact we rushed. I was nowhere near emotionally ready to try again, especially when now the job she works involves her being around HUNDREDS of men daily. Every single name she mentioned I questioned. And the one that she is and has been in contact with basically every day for the past 3-4 weeks works for her dad. I'm just to the point to where as horrible as it is to say, but if she's going to do something with this guy, please just for God's sake do it. Give me the validation I need to know your completely out of this, because unlike you right now I don't have anywhere near the strength to walk away from this girl. I hear and understand NC is meant for ones on self being, but I just see it as so foolish to 100% commit to when I would realistically in my heart being using it as a way to make her miss me. Your story does give me incredible hope though. That even if I do have to face the day of reckoning and realizing this girl who I devoted my life to is truly gone, that there is light at the other end of the tunnel. That you've done it, and many others have as well, and that I too can.

 

Oh dear, that is a lot of worrying you have to do on your end, questioning every guy's name she mentions. I can't imagine that but the fact that you could write such a coherent response and objectively point out some aspects shows your maturity and understanding despite the situation. It's hard to create rigid guidelines to follow but do you think you could try talking to her once more? Implementing full blown NC for someone who shared such a significant part in your life is beyond belief and so very difficult but for the sake of your well being during this stage....to maintain some sanity... could you explain to her how you feel and ask her to respect your healing and that perhaps remaining friends might be an option LATER but right now....especially since you both do not share MUTUALLY want the same things its in both of your best interest to take time apart? It's unfair (although understandable) she still reaches out to you when you have made sent a final message of acceptance. She can't break your heart and expect you to "wholeheartedly" be there and help when she's in need.....

[RollTide10]

I believe I can speak to her again. Unfortunately it's not just her. It's her family as well. Her brother is actually having a baby boy today and he of course wants me to be there. Her mom has called to keep me informed on how he and his wife are etc., and her dad has even called me while he was at work to ask me if I was ready to go hunting with him when he gets back from the job. Would they all understand if I told them I had to disappear for a while? I'm sure they would completely, but it's like walking into my own living room and looking at my parents and sibling and saying, "don't call or text me anymore no matter the news for a while please, I hope you understand." It makes me feel incredibly selfish, but I also realize it shouldn't matter. This time should be about my happiness and self-improvement. It's just a lot to process right now. And I know she's feeling it too. Maybe not as hard as I am right now because she's as stubborn as a bull and hides her emotions extremely well, but I just can't help but think the weight of this entire situation is going to hit her eventually. False hope? Yeah probably, but oh well!

[RollTide10]

And I'm really playing today on if she texts me or not. Last night was a weak moment for her, she let her guard down, let me in, and knowing her she's shut it right back up and won't speak a word to me today.

[Farsight]

Hmmm, I have searched on loveshack. For somebody who send a letter and later got a second chance.

 

Guess what, there are almost non. Not even in the long run. Only 1 instince

of reconcilation. But I don't know what was in the letter (was very short post).

 

My thought on this are that letters don't work because:

 

-There are to easy to ignore. Its just text.

Its doesn't fire a strong emotion.

-It isn't a dialoge so if your stating assumptions like why you broke up and how you have changed its very easy to make a mistake in your assumptions. And as soon as that happens they will think well that was not the problem at all. And they get reinfermed that they made the right decision because you didn't see the problem.

-They are not open. They are maybe still having difficulty with the break up. A lot of times its best to ignore thoughts about your ex. A letter will just annoy them in this process of healing.

-They sound clingy, and they don't want contact exactly for that reason.

 

If you want to send it don't do it for a second chance. If you want just piece of mind you can. If they reply ignore everything. Maybe you can put it in you r letter.

It will only cause hurt if you start a discussion or they reject you again.

 

If you want a second chance a letter is a bad idear. They will think you still not over the break up. They will remember teh time of the break up. And they don't want that. If you want a second chance make new nice happy memory's with them. How... well thats tough but not a letter.

Edited October 15, 2013 by Farsight

[Criticality]

I think it's a beautiful letter. You don't sound clingy or overtly hopeful, which is good. If anything it's a little too soon though, no?

[BC1980]

I would not send that letter. You need to be really honest about your reasons for sending it and what you hope to accomplish. I think you are looking for closure, which won't come from sending that letter. That letter is all about how you have moved on, but why do you need to tell him that? You don't. You are still too invested in him, which is understandable at this time. 3 months is not a very long time after being together for 2 years.

 

The truth is that you probably haven't moved on completely, which is normal at this point. I think you are trying to convince yourself that you have moved on by writing that letter. It might give you a momentary high to send it, but you will be worse in the end. Just keep moving forward, and stop trying to revisit the scene of the crime, which is the dead relationship in this case.

[BC1980]

Also, let me add that it was great that you rejected his friendship. You do have boundaries, which is something I struggled with early on. By sending that letter, you are telling him that you are willing to break your own boundaries. That conveys a lot. It says that you don't even respect your own boundaries.

 

I know how hard it is. I know what it's like to try to justify breaking NC. It's a huge decision to break NC, and this letter is not the way I would go about it were I to make the decision to break NC. You are totally feeding his ego with that letter. Men do not see letters the same way women do. What we see as romantic, they often see as desperate and weak. Remember that men don't respond to words. Words are for women. That advice is from a great relationship book I read, and it's so true. Men respond to space.

 

You are going through a rough patch with NC. It's normal. This process isn't linear, and we all go through these times. We drum up reasons to contact the ex. We justify our reasons. We wish things could be different. We refuse to face reality. Stop all of this, and put the focus back on you. If you are truly focused on you, there is no need for that letter to be sent.

[Trimmer]

Brief background: It's been 3 months NC after a 2 year relationship with my bf. He's currently 20 and I am 21 and we both go to the same university. Our breakup was almost 7 months ago. He demoted me and offered friendship but I explained it couldn't work that way and said I had to move on with my life so he hasn't talked to me since. I felt the urge to write a letter (as a response if he ever reaches out to me). but I do not plan to send it as I'm sure everyone would advise me to stick to NC. Please share with me what your thoughts are on what I wrote. Does it sound like a realistic and fair response if he ever gets in touch with me again? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

Hi [Ex],

 

Good to hear you're well and I am sure your summer and school year has been fantastic. I've been well myself and it's been a meaningful time in my life for me to spend it with others in need.

 

Through our time apart, I have made peace with the past. While I do not blame you for choosing to end that relationship we shared given the circumstances, your choices beyond that left me with shock and an impression that gave me a more realistic perspective on the time we've shared.

 

If history repeated, I still would have turned around that day you tapped me on the shoulder and accepted our destiny. I wish I had the wisdom and made better choices to sustain our relationship and perhaps that is part of the reason why I could not let you go. I believed deeply in our life story and I believed our circumstances were unfair and it was absolutely possible to resolve our problems. We lived and breathed chaos with our family situations and exhaled in tranquility the moments we rightfully earned and safely shared alone. I had become accustomed to enduring all challenges with you no matter how awful they may be because you were my partner and nothing meant more to me than experiencing life with you.

 

It was difficult to disconnect but I could not have stayed in touch with you given how I was treated too. Even though there were many unpleasant surprises such as finding a new person in our bedroom, I found the truth to be quite liberating.

 

Maybe part of truly loving another human being is naturally practicing forgiveness. I cannot deny a part of me will always believe in the possibility of rediscovering that undefeatable spirit and capacity for greatness we shared, but I accept that you chose to let me go so that you could continue your search in life. I wish you happiness and success in all your life endeavors.

I'm a little confused. You mention that he wanted to demote you to "friend" in the relationship, but you didn't want that so you needed to move on. As a result, he has backed all the way off. Seems clear.

 

But then in your letter, you say "I do not blame you for choosing to end that relationship we shared [the demotion, right?] given the circumstances, your choices beyond that left me with shock "

What choices 'beyond that' left you in shock? Yours was the next move, which was to say you wouldn't accept friendship, so you had to move on. It seems his not contacting you is respectful of that choice on your part. What were his choices subsequent to that which left you in shock?

 

It's hard to really evaluate your "response", when there hasn't been any contact from him that gives it context. He could write to you with a basic "hope all is well", or it could be "I'm upset with you and here's why", or it could be "I'm sorry for how I handled things," or it could be "I would like to get back together with you..." Each of those would create its own context that would call for a different kind of response, if you wanted to respond at all.

 

So without such a context, this letter, to me, seems like a kind of a manifesto that boils down to one basic concept: "I accept that you chose to let me go...", which seems to further boil down to: "F**k you".

 

And that's just fine, if you feel that way, and it's probably therapeutic for you to write it down, and let it all out. But I wouldn't save it, with the perspective that it's a canned response, ready to send right back if he contacts you in some way. I think if he does contact you, and you do choose to respond, you'd need to consider the context of his overture before you can really craft a response that fits.

[Trimmer]

Also, let me add that it was great that you rejected his friendship. You do have boundaries, which is something I struggled with early on.

I also agree with this: as I read the first lines of your opening post, I was kinda cheering for you that you had the sense to realize that a "demotion" to friend wasn't likely to work for you, and the strength to begin the process of moving on. Good for you!

[youngbutoldsoul]

I'm a little confused. You mention that he wanted to demote you to "friend" in the relationship, but you didn't want that so you needed to move on. As a result, he has backed all the way off. Seems clear.

 

But then in your letter, you say "I do not blame you for choosing to end that relationship we shared [the demotion, right?] given the circumstances, your choices beyond that left me with shock "

What choices 'beyond that' left you in shock? Yours was the next move, which was to say you wouldn't accept friendship, so you had to move on. It seems his not contacting you is respectful of that choice on your part. What were his choices subsequent to that which left you in shock?

 

It's hard to really evaluate your "response", when there hasn't been any contact from him that gives it context. He could write to you with a basic "hope all is well", or it could be "I'm upset with you and here's why", or it could be "I'm sorry for how I handled things," or it could be "I would like to get back together with you..." Each of those would create its own context that would call for a different kind of response, if you wanted to respond at all.

 

So without such a context, this letter, to me, seems like a kind of a manifesto that boils down to one basic concept: "I accept that you chose to let me go...", which seems to further boil down to: "F**k you".

 

And that's just fine, if you feel that way, and it's probably therapeutic for you to write it down, and let it all out. But I wouldn't save it, with the perspective that it's a canned response, ready to send right back if he contacts you in some way. I think if he does contact you, and you do choose to respond, you'd need to consider the context of his overture before you can really craft a response that fits.

 

Sorry for the confusion, let me help clarify that for you. Given the circumstances toward the end of our relationship (for instance, stress from moving in together too soon) alongside other arguments, he decided "it was the last straw" and broke up with me. "BEYOND" (after) our breakup, we were still living together and he treated me with complete disrespect/disregard and even had the audacity to bring someone into our bedroom while I was away for the weekend. Those things shocked me. I admitted my faults that contributed to our downfall (I felt like I was more responsible), which was why I didn't blame him that much for his disrespect.

 

Because of those things that made me upset after the breakup, it was an even deeper stab that he could so casually offer a friendship. Maybe like everyone else on here, I must accept my partner changed or perhaps I romanticized "us" too much. The underlying reason for me holding on is that I still feel connected to the past version of himself that I loved so dearly. Even amidst our drama/problems toward the end of the relationship, I told him I miss the "old him". He says he misses it too and wants to work on staying true to himself. His capacity for complete disregard is beyond my imagination now but somewhere, somehow I have faith the "him" that loved every fiber of me is still underneath....

[BC1980]

Sorry for the confusion, let me help clarify that for you. Given the circumstances toward the end of our relationship (for instance, stress from moving in together too soon) alongside other arguments, he decided "it was the last straw" and broke up with me. "BEYOND" (after) our breakup, we were still living together and he treated me with complete disrespect/disregard and even had the audacity to bring someone into our bedroom while I was away for the weekend. Those things shocked me. I admitted my faults that contributed to our downfall (I felt like I was more responsible), which was why I didn't blame him that much for his disrespect.

 

Because of those things that made me upset after the breakup, it was an even deeper stab that he could so casually offer a friendship. Maybe like everyone else on here, I must accept my partner changed or perhaps I romanticized "us" too much. The underlying reason for me holding on is that I still feel connected to the past version of himself that I loved so dearly. Even amidst our drama/problems toward the end of the relationship, I told him I miss the "old him". He says he misses it too and wants to work on staying true to himself. His capacity for complete disregard is beyond my imagination now but somewhere, somehow I have faith the "him" that loved every fiber of me is still underneath....

 

I definitely wouldn't sent the letter then. Any half-way decent person would not sleep with someone in what used to be your bed so soon after. Sure, he can sleep with someone if you are broken up but just rubbing your nose in it like that is not acceptable.

 

He would love that letter because it would bolster his ego. You really are better off washing your hands of this guy and moving on.

[youngbutoldsoul]

Update: I'm doing HORRIBLY today. I received a phonecall from one of my old roommates, one of the guys who rented out the apartment with me and my ex last year. He said he (along with my ex and the other roommates) feels like I should pay more than the rest of them for the damage fees in the apartment. My heart sank when I saw this guy's number on my caller ID as I haven't spoken to ANY of those people for almost half a year. He said "Hey, I have really bad news for you" and I was praying it had nothing to do with my ex. I almost cried. Until I found out what it was really about and I felt like the most foolish person on earth. Here I am dealing with finances with a guy who broke my heart. It's so F * * * ing difficult that everytime I close my eyes, it takes me back to any of the days of the years we spent together.

[park8957]

Hi! If I were you, I wouldn't spend a lot of time speculating about why things happened the way that they did. Your ex made a bad decision, don't torture yourself trying to figure out why he did what he did (referring to the new person in your bedroom). He chose to use the exit response by ending the relationship and withdrawing from you after two years. This type of "resolution" is unfortunately very common . It is also the common choice of people who are dissatisfied with the relationship and/or have other possible partners around.

 

Since your ex has cheated on you, I am assuming that it was a mix of both. When you said that "Our breakup was almost 7 months ago. He demoted me and offered friendship but I explained it couldn't work that way and said I had to move on with my life so he hasn't talked to me since", I found it very interesting that he brushed you off as a romantic partner/girlfriend and automatically switched you to the friendship category. Unfortunately that it is a very typical response from an individual that uses the exit response to end the relationship. Your ex tried to be friends after a severe breakup because he wanted to withdraw from the relationship and from the feelings you have for him forever.

 

I don't think that you should send him this letter because of his obvious disregard for your feelings and that fact that this disregard shows that he was desperate to withdraw from this relationship. It would do no good for you to waste your time writing him about the break up in order to smooth things over because he simply just wanted an exit. My advice to you would be to look forward to the future and learn to spot potential partners that value your qualities and enduring love. I hope this was helpful to you! Good luck!