voland Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 I was the initiator of 2 break ups with him, both lasted about 5 months. First time around he tried to contact me all the time, this time around it was completely NC. I didn't have feelings then, not even the second time i went back. Now, it's as if a switch went off and i realized that he is the one. I contacted him 2 months ago, we finally met up about 3 weeks ago. He says feelings are there, but buried deep and.. he is not ready for a relationship and doesn't know if he will ever be/how long it will take. Wants to be "friends".. That he doesn't want anything with anyone at this point, that he's "figuring himself out"... last 2 months of my life have been the worst ever, and i know i deserve it but i am deeply depressed and i cry daily because i only now understand how deeply i messed everything i had up. is there hope? should i let him go? go NC again?..i cant just be friends..its all or nothing..how do i get him back..
Crashandburn Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Sadomasochist... haha How long were you together and not broken up? You told him he is the one.. and yet you say all or nothing? Can't you even try being friends with him? You know its not friends when he knows you love him.. I mean...you need to regain his trust and if you are still protecting yourself and not being vulnerable to having your feelings hurt during this time, he is obviously not worth it to you. Are you sure you have good reasons that he is the one? It can work out, I promise that there is a chance. But you have to work on it and he actually is giving you a chance by saying lets be friends!! I imagine he is very hurt and confused as to why he even likes you to begin with. I would be since you broke my heart twice for lack of love.. how can he feel confident it won't happen again? How can he trust you at all if you won't go through some pain for him and prove yourself after all the pain he has suffered?
Author voland Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 i just don't understand this whole concept of friends. we talked today and i keep wanting to tell him that i love him and miss him but i clearly cant. we were together for about a year. he told me he was getting ready to propose back then before i left him..im just afraid that his switch wont come back on and he will never feel the way he did before. because the way he talks to me now makes me feel as though im his sister. i keep getting told that i will need to work on it but what does that even mean?? i keep asking to see him and he always says no..should i stop messaging him everyday and just disappear and wait for him?
Crashandburn Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Working on it is taking a risk and telling him you want to be with him. If he can't now, you are willing to be his "friend" until he can think of discussing this again but still wanting to be a part of his life. Pulling back will probably not work now since I'm sure he isn't planning on coming back to get shot down again. He doesn't trust you. I'm sure you have read many posts where NC works to get them back etc but really it's so both parties can move on. As I said working on it is taking a risk. Not holding back and trying to prove you are worthy of his trust again. If you are planning to play games I'm sure he will see right through them and further believe he was right not to want to go back to you.
Crashandburn Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 Another note: A lot of people will say don't be friends etc but I believe as long as he knows your feelings you can never really just revert to friends. You'll know when to give up but you haven't even started so don't! There is an advice column called "Toronto Love Doctor" I know it sounds dumb but her advice for getting a bf back is pretty good for those who intend to keep in touch. All articles are free its only coaching she charges for so you should look it up. I read it a lot and felt more confident in keeping contact even after being dumped. I'm back with my bf and we are working on understanding one another on a deeper level. I think you really should tell him you want in on his life.
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