Plunging in

[all_fluttery]

I have debated over and over about joining and telling this here. I have to talk to someone about it all. So, if it is okay, I am just going to plunge right in.

 

I am a happily married woman with two children. My husband is a good man but he works too hard some times or at least is gone too much. He has a job that takes him out of town often with little notice ahead of time and he can be gone for a couple of weeks or more at a time.

 

This makes it difficult for me as you may guess.

 

The thing is, I have gotten involved with my husband's boss. I don't know why it happened but it has gotten me all wound up inside.

 

Six months ago I had a small accident while my husband was gone and while I was talking with the police, my husband's boss was passing by. After I finished talking with the cop, he came up to me and asked if there was anything he could do to help. Well, to shorten the story, he arranged with one of his friends to take my car right into his shop and since there was not a loaner, he arranged for a rental and paid for it too.

 

This was a real nice thing for him to do and I didn't think much beyond it. I thanked him over and over, but he just said to forget, that he was happy to be able to help (my husband's name)'s wife out.

 

Then the next time my husband was gone, I came home from my part time job and found the kitchen floor all wet. I don't know why, but my first thought was to call my husband's boss. Things had been bad for most of that week, I felt all stressed out and it just wasn't something I really wanted to deal with.

 

Well, he came right over, looked at things, went out and got what was needed to fix it and just like that all was good. I offered to pay for the parts, but he refused, said he was just trying to be good to his employee's wife. The least I could was fix some coffee and invited him to stay for some.

 

We got to talking and he opened up some about his home life, how he and his wife wasn't getting along that well and I talked about the stuff that had stressed me out that week. I just felt really really comfortable with him and well, I gave him a kiss and a hug. Then another kiss and ... dog gone it, he had been so nice to me and he is such a nice guy, I offered to give him a bj. And I did right there in the kitchen.

 

This is not me. I've never done anything like that. I don't do things like that. But everything just came together that day and it happened.

 

For a week, nothing. I went around pretending nothing had happened. I really didn't want to face him and my husband coming home, it wasn't easy at first, but there was no way he could suspect anything. I told him about the sink and he said that his boss had mentioned it. So everything was cool.

 

I vowed that was going to be the extent of it. But somehow, I got to thinking about how nice his boss was and that I should be friendly to him. I happened to see him on the street one day and I suggested we have lunch. Surprisingly to me, it went easy and he didn't bring up anything about what I had done.

 

The next time my husband was gone, his boss called about mid-way through and jokingly asked if there was any emergency. We talked for a bit, he didn't seem to want to end the call and some way I wound up inviting him over. My parents had wanted to spend sometime with the grandchildren, so I was all alone and, well you know, having some company didn't seem like such a bad thing.

 

We had sex.

 

The problem is, it was great. I have never felt so alive. It was glorious.

 

I was torn. There was my husband gone and I was doing that with his boss of all people. But it was great sex. Unfaithful to my husband. But the sex was great.

 

And his boss is such a nice man. He is attentive, quiet, but confident and is just good.

 

Okay. I swore that was it. No more. Nada. Not going to happen.

 

That lasted about two days and I called him up to suggest lunch. He said he couldn't, but might be able to drop by in the evening. Well, I couldn't because of the kids, but then it turned out there was a church thing I had forgotten about and my parents were happy to take them to it. So I let him know that and, we had sex again.

 

I don't want to speak bad about his wife, but how she could be ignoring this man is beyond me. I just so like being with him. He is much older than my husband, but the attention he gives me and the way he makes me feel, I just feel like this has been a tidal wave.

 

I wasn't looking to find anything on the side, this all just came out of nowhere. It makes me feel all giddy on the inside, like those days back when I was getting ready for a first date. Just closing my eyes and thinking about and visualizing him and I makes me get all weak and gooey inside.

 

I don't know how may times I have told myself, this can't be happening, it has to stop, no more. And we get together again. And again.

 

But Good heaven's, it is my husband's boss! What am I going to do?

Edited October 14, 2013 by all_fluttery

[Speakingofwhich]

this doesn't sound authentic to me

[wanting more]

"dog gone it, he was so nice I offered a BJ"????

 

Really?????

[lollipopspot]

this reads like a Dear Penthouse letter to me. The story doesn't quite hang together...the boss just happened to drive by? You just happened to run into him on the street? The husband didn't think it was weird that you called the boss to fix the plumbing problem?

 

My suggestion for next time is to work on the story continuity a little bit more, and maybe flesh out the characters and the sex? Maybe you could be a party at the boss' house, you are all drinking, you're making eyes at the boss, and he pulls you into a room for quick passionate sex or something like that (i.e., not relying on coincidence to get with the boss)?

 

If it's real, then make it make sense!

[all_fluttery]

this reads like a Dear Penthouse letter to me. The story doesn't quite hang together...the boss just happened to drive by? You just happened to run into him on the street? The husband didn't think it was weird that you called the boss to fix the plumbing problem?

 

My suggestion for next time is to work on the story continuity a little bit more, and maybe flesh out the characters and the sex? Maybe you could be a party at the boss' house, you are all drinking, you're making eyes at the boss, and he pulls you into a room for quick passionate sex or something like that (i.e., not relying on coincidence to get with the boss)?

 

If it's real, then make it make sense!

 

I am sorry. I am sorry I didn't write this well. I am upset and confused and embarrassed.

 

It is going to take a lot for me to make it all make sense.

[Darren Steez]

...offered a BJ... lol

[skywriter]

Then another kiss and ... dog gone it, he had been so nice to me and he is such a nice guy, I offered to give him a bj. And I did right there in the kitchen.

Golly, and who was it, that said, "nice guys finish last"? Wow!

[all_fluttery]

To start with, I grew up with a condition that got me in a lot of trouble early in school. I would blurt things out and some times do things that I had no control over. I was tested and evaluated and they said it was something like autism or Tourette's. The simplest way of putting it is that most people have filters which stop them from doing or saying inappropriate things. With me, it is like those filters get by-passed sometimes. Usually when I am upset or angry or scared or very nervous. It is like words pop into my brain and then they come out of my mouth before I can stop them. They did say that they thought I would get better as I got older and was able to learn to control myself better. Which I did. By the time I was out of high school, it did not happen to me very often and since then it has become something that only does happen very rarely.

 

What I posted is an example of how it affects me some times. Things just tumble out in a rush and sometimes all jumbled up. But I do need someplace I can talk about this because there really isn't anyone around I can talk about it with.

 

About the boss driving by. I work part time, usually 10 to 2 during the day so that I am covering while others go to lunch. I had just gotten off and was going home. The easiest route for me to use takes me past the building where the company is my husband works for and the accident was only a couple of blocks away. I don't why the boss was there, maybe he was coming back from lunch or something. But he was there and did what I said.

 

The building where the company is located is not far from some places I go shopping and also the post office. I was either coming out of the post office when I saw him. I mean it is not that big of a town that you don't ever run into people here and there.

 

I didn't write well about the bj. I should have explained about my condition and that until recently, it seems to have been in remission. I was tired and upset and nervous because I had called him. Now, there has been several times that he has said to me that he relies on my husband and he knows that his being out of town does make things difficult. He has said several times that if I need anything while my husband is away, to call him. He has said he doesn't want my husband worrying about things when he is too far away to do anything. He has said this in front of the both of us. I think he honestly means it.

 

 

Okay. At the time, I knew I should have called someone else. I mean calling my husband's boss like that, I shouldn't have. But it was the just the first thing to pop into my head and I did it. So there we are having a normal ordinary conversation and inside my head, I was thinking of ways to thank him. I mean he was nice in helping out with the car and the way he came over for the sink, how do you thank someone for doing that. I mean he waved away my paying back anything and I felt I should do something. Now I know that doesn't mean offering a bj. That wasn't how I was thinking, I was just trying to be nice in return and trying to think of someway of saying thank you.

 

At this point I have to say that things between my husband and I have not been that good for the last couple of years. It is just not the time away because of his job. We haven't been as intimate, or as frequent about sex as before. It seems to me like we are drifting apart, you know? I like giving bjs and I haven't had much chance recently. And some how that thought popped up in my head and before I knew it, I was telling him all this. How I was horny and my husband was gone and other things.

 

I mean it has been a long time since my condition has kicked in, but it kicked in big time there. It was out of my mouth before I knew it and I just couldn't stop myself. All of it.

 

You can call bull**** on this if you want, but it is something I have lived with my entire life and I was honestly thinking that maybe I had outgrown it. And then this. Yes it is crazy, but I have had people thinking I am crazy because of it all my life, It is not something easy to live with when there are times you have no control over what you say, or over what you do occasionally.

 

So I am in my own kitchen and I have humiliated myself in front of my husband's boss. Whatever control I had just wasn't there. What can you do or say? I had just blurted out some things that were stupid and embarrassing. The more I said to try and explain, nothing came out right and I just made it worse.

 

I said we hugged and kissed, well that was after what I said. I didn't make that clear I know. I am almost as humiliated right now trying to explain this as I was then, okay?

 

We were sitting at the table and he got to his feet and started hugging and kissing me. I was trying not to respond but I was in a mess and yes, I was wanting something to happen. Not because I had this thing for his boss but because of what has been missing in my marriage. I can see that now.

 

It just seemed the easiest solution just to give him a bj and he certainly seemed to want me to and I just did it. It was just all one big fiasco and I didn't know how to get out of it.

 

Does this make any more sense out of it? I hope so because I really need to be able to talk about it all.

[all_fluttery]

Just in case this is just not bad mommy porn my advice is either leave your husband or stop the affair- he works his butt off for you and this man you are with- neither of you is worthy of him- get over your poor me phase and get counseling and get out of this situation-

 

Yes, I know this but please read further, see if it helps to understand what I was trying to say.

[all_fluttery]

Well, just in case this is real (which I hope it is not) I have to ask: Do you offer everyone who is nice to you a blowjob? Does the cart pusher at Wal-Mart get a BJ because he helped you load your groceries into the car? What is it about yourself that the only way you feel that you can reciprocate kindness is a very intimate sexual act? Why did you decide to blow this guy other than "he was nice"?

 

No, normally I don't. But there are things I have done in the past that were almost that bad. Or at least that embarrassing and I have to live with them because it is the way things are.

[whichwayisup]

I'm not sure what your condition is and you say you were in remission and now you're not? Anyway, please do seek help...from your family Dr and as well as a therapist. To do these types of things on impulse and having it bring on confusion and embarrassment is not good for you, for your husband and most of all, your kids. You could lose a lot if you don't learn to control this.

 

Your threads don't make a whole lot of sense reading, but there's enough to string together that you're not happy in your marriage, so much is missing so you need to talk to your husband.

 

STOP relying on your husband's boss. That has to stop completely! You must have other friends, neighbours and even family to rely on for support, for help around the house.

[all_fluttery]

I'm not sure what your condition is and you say you were in remission and now you're not? Anyway, please do seek help...from your family Dr and as well as a therapist. To do these types of things on impulse and having it bring on confusion and embarrassment is not good for you, for your husband and most of all, your kids. You could lose a lot if you don't learn to control this.

 

Your threads don't make a whole lot of sense reading, but there's enough to string together that you're not happy in your marriage, so much is missing so you need to talk to your husband.

 

STOP relying on your husband's boss. That has to stop completely! You must have other friends, neighbours and even family to rely on for support, for help around the house.

 

Excuse me, but didn't I say:

 

To start with, I grew up with a condition that got me in a lot of trouble early in school. I would blurt things out and some times do things that I had no control over. I was tested and evaluated and they said it was something like autism or Tourette's.

 

Autism. Tourettes. Look it up.

 

I have been to counseling. I have been evaluated. It is not a severe case, it is mild. Mostly what I was told is, there is not much that can be done about it. I have tried several meds and all they do is turn me into a zombie. Counseling is not going to help with something that is wrong with your brain wiring! Coping with the after events, yes. But it does not give you back the control to prevent the thing from happening.

 

Autism. Look it up. It is not like it is something I can control.

[Criticality]

I like OP!

 

I actually thinks she sounds really kind and cute and flustered!

 

And I wish there were more people like her. The world would be a better place, if more women took to giving blowjobs to semi strangers as a heartfelt though messy means of thanking them!

 

The number of random acts of kindness would skyrocket! Guys would trip over other guys trying to lend a hand!

 

"Thank you so much sir! I'd never get that stroller up those stairs myself! Is there anything I could do to thank you and show my appreciation? I just wouldn't feel right about if I didn't do something in return..."

(Cheesy organ music and heavy bass rhythm starts playing in the background)

[Criticality]

OP: how's the relationship with your husband otherwise?

 

And as for why his wife doesn't have much sex with him? Cause he's probably her version of your husband. Or maybe they've just stuck together because of habit.

 

Don't forget that part of what makes this so exciting is that its new and forbidden fruit! Is he attractive otherwise?

[all_fluttery]

I like OP!

 

I actually thinks she sounds really kind and cute and flustered!

 

And I wish there were more people like her. The world would be a better place, if more women took to giving blowjobs to semi strangers as a heartfelt though messy means of thanking them!

 

The number of random acts of kindness would skyrocket! Guys would trip over other guys trying to lend a hand!

 

"Thank you so much sir! I'd never get that stroller up those stairs myself! Is there anything I could do to thank you and show my appreciation? I just wouldn't feel right about if I didn't do something in return..."

(Cheesy organ music and heavy bass rhythm starts playing in the background)

 

I hope you are just being funny here. But yes, in a way the world would be better. Maybe more friendly anyway.

[all_fluttery]

OP: how's the relationship with your husband otherwise?

 

And as for why his wife doesn't have much sex with him? Cause he's probably her version of your husband. Or maybe they've just stuck together because of habit.

 

Don't forget that part of what makes this so exciting is that its new and forbidden fruit! Is he attractive otherwise?

 

Yes, he probably is. I know my husband's boss and my husband are a lot a like, especially when it comes to working. They do work hard and they do work a lot.

 

New and forbidden fruit yes. I know part of it is frustration with where I am at and wanting more. But my complication is that while I might want to ignore it, at times my brain actually betrays me into saying things I did not want to say and to a lesser extent, as a consequence or as an addition, into doing things I might not otherwise have done.

[harrybrown]

Have you been tested for stds?

 

Have you told your husband the truth and given him a timeline?

 

So you have had sex in your home with your husband's boss!

You must really hate your husband to do that in your home. And you give all this energy to the POSOM that could be going to your kids and your husband!

 

Tell you husband, now. Get a divorce so that the boss can leave his wife and the several other women he has affairs with to be with you.

 

Would you like your husband now to have several affairs and give you several stds?

 

Give your husband his freedom, you do not deserve him. And spend the time with the old man and let your husband have custody of your children.

 

Then you and the old man can be as selfish as you want and it will only hurt your children and your husband.

 

Okay so you ripped your husband's heart out of his chest, set it on fire and took a bite out of it. Can you put it back in and fix this?

 

What were you thinking? Give him a divorce and let him find someone that will respect him and not someone that hates him and cheats in his own house! What did he do to make you hate him so that you would do this in your house? Would you like him to have an affair with someone in your bed?

[all_fluttery]

I am in education and by no means an expert but what you describe is neither turrets or autism- what you describe is what they call compulsion or sex addiction but even that is controllable -and not even sure if its real or not-sex addiction I mean-I think its a fancy word for selfish but thats just me- I mean seriously-who isn't addicted to sex, it was designed that way but most people are able to control themselves- if they can not its usually due to low self esteem, not autism or turrets-

 

I did not describe it as being either autism or tourettes, I said I was evaluated and told it was LIKE autism or tourettes. It is a compulsion disorder, yes. As I have said, words will form in my head and will leave my mouth, at times, without me being able to control the process. Tourettes is a tic disorder, but it can take a form where the sufferer says words, often cuss words, and nonsense phrases over and over without being able to stop themselves from doing so. It IS NOT because they consciously wish to do so, IT IS A NEUROLOGICAL disorder.

 

Most often my condition is a compulsion to say whatever is in my head. Sometimes it is to do things which is impulsive. I get the impulse, I start doing whatever it is and it is not until later I can recognize it for what it is and stop it, or continue or whatever. Most times I control myself, in fact I think I have been doing real well, but I can't always control the condition. At times, it controls me.

[hollyhillcourt]

I did not describe it as being either autism or tourettes, I said I was evaluated and told it was LIKE autism or tourettes. It is a compulsion disorder, yes. As I have said, words will form in my head and will leave my mouth, at times, without me being able to control the process. Tourettes is a tic disorder, but it can take a form where the sufferer says words, often cuss words, and nonsense phrases over and over without being able to stop themselves from doing so. It IS NOT because they consciously wish to do so, IT IS A NEUROLOGICAL disorder.

 

Most often my condition is a compulsion to say whatever is in my head. Sometimes it is to do things which is impulsive. I get the impulse, I start doing whatever it is and it is not until later I can recognize it for what it is and stop it, or continue or whatever. Most times I control myself, in fact I think I have been doing real well, but I can't always control the condition. At times, it controls me.

 

If this is the case, please tell your husband of your recent transgression and your neurological issue so that the two of you can work through this together. Best of luck

[lollipopspot]

I would say stop the affair immediately. Then really think through what you want for your life and marriage. Go to counseling if you can't do this yourself. I do not always think it's necessary to tell (counter to prevailing opinion here). But you must stop this and learn from it. Either that or if you really want freedom from the marriage then divorce might be the best option.

 

It may be that you're bored, you're in a small town, and you want something different from life. Maybe you can do that with your husband, or maybe not.

[all_fluttery]

Have you been tested for stds?

 

Have you told your husband the truth and given him a timeline?

 

So you have had sex in your home with your husband's boss!

You must really hate your husband to do that in your home. And you give all this energy to the POSOM that could be going to your kids and your husband!

 

Tell you husband, now. Get a divorce so that the boss can leave his wife and the several other women he has affairs with to be with you.

 

Would you like your husband now to have several affairs and give you several stds?

 

Give your husband his freedom, you do not deserve him. And spend the time with the old man and let your husband have custody of your children.

 

Then you and the old man can be as selfish as you want and it will only hurt your children and your husband.

 

Okay so you ripped your husband's heart out of his chest, set it on fire and took a bite out of it. Can you put it back in and fix this?

 

What were you thinking? Give him a divorce and let him find someone that will respect him and not someone that hates him and cheats in his own house! What did he do to make you hate him so that you would do this in your house? Would you like him to have an affair with someone in your bed?

 

Have I given my husband a time line? No.

 

Tested for STDs, not recently but, yes I will.

 

Oh hell, what is the use. Obviously this is not a place that gives a damn in anyway.

[happy stillmore]

Air fluttery,

 

I have empathy for you. I believe you could have a neurological disorder, ADHD or bipolar. Both present with lack of impulse control. I would get neuro testing done (MRI brain) to rule anything physical out. Perhaps, with medications your brain will slow down and the judgment part starts working at full capacity again.

 

The good news is that you see your actions as being wrong. If I were you, I would have a private talk with the boss and apologize. Tell him this can never happen again. I'm quite sure he is not wiling to turn his world upside down if the news came out. He sounds like a dog. He should have stopped you at that moment you started talking of private things. Afterall, your husband is his employee. I'm worried that he could be a scumbag and hold this as blackmail over you. Separate yourself from this situation. Tell the boss you acted inappropriate and you are sorry. This must never happen again if you are to stay in your marriage.

 

Yes, you messed up. Totally, but you can move on. Though humans make mistakes, humans also have to power to choose right from wrong.

[thefooloftheyear]

Some posters are in an affair because they say they are in love. Some have the star-crossed lovers meant to be mentality. A lot say they are in a miserable marriage. You are just mentally unhealthy, I think. People do not go around giving acquaintances blowjobs because they are nice. Instead of indulging in the feeling of limerence you should question why you put yourself out like that.

 

Cmon...Did you have to burst my bubble? (ok ...sorry)..

 

TFY

[whichwayisup]

Excuse me, but didn't I say:

 

To start with, I grew up with a condition that got me in a lot of trouble early in school. I would blurt things out and some times do things that I had no control over. I was tested and evaluated and they said it was something like autism or Tourette's.

 

Autism. Tourettes. Look it up.

 

I have been to counseling. I have been evaluated. It is not a severe case, it is mild. Mostly what I was told is, there is not much that can be done about it. I have tried several meds and all they do is turn me into a zombie. Counseling is not going to help with something that is wrong with your brain wiring! Coping with the after events, yes. But it does not give you back the control to prevent the thing from happening.

 

Autism. Look it up. It is not like it is something I can control.

 

My reply to you wasn't meant to come off harshly at all, if you took it that way, please don't.

 

Your husband must be aware of your condition?

[LilGirlandOW]

Wow, nothing good can come of this.

 

You could cost your H his job, which with or without you effects your kids security.

 

You need to get tested for stds and figure out why your offered him a bj. And further offered him sex. Is this your first A?

 

An A can be soul crushing and emasculating for a man, unless your H is a cuckhold. But to add the boss dynamic in, your going to rip his heart and soul from his body! that's a guarantee, not a chance.

 

NC immediately with MM, work on or leave your M, peruse something that will give you a sense of accomplishment so you can start to feel better about yourself.

 

Stop humiliating your hard working H.