HeyKat Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 I'm going to try to summarize - starting seeing him (my boss) in March, weekends when my children were at their dads with him almost from the start, which is not like me at all but there was just something about him. He had a lot of stressors, divorce negotiations, fathers terminal illness, work, lots of travel and having to keep our relationship discrete. It went from multiple texts/IM's a day to a couple, to every other day -by July he became distant and we rarely talked, when I told him I wanted him in or out he was back to communicating like before, then nothing for days again and then he needed space but would still text infrequently, I told him I couldn't have him one day and not the next so I went to NO CONTACT for about 5 weeks. About three weeks ago I sent an email requesting some papers I left at the office he only had access to, we exchanged emails and I agreed to meet him - he told me at least a dozen times how much he missed me, that he had called and texted a number of times and was disappointed to not get a response but understood. That was 2 weekends ago that following Thursday he went in for a biopsy to confirm/rule out cancer. He was back to calling/texting daily, letting me know his plans for the week and we were planning on seeing eachother that upcoming weekend (last weekend) he was feeling blah from the biopsies when we spoke Saturday morning but he asked me if I wanted to get together later, and to call him after I had done my running for the day, I did and he didn't answer. I get an email Tuesday telling me he is thinking about me and wishing me luck at my new job, that he looked forward to hearing about it very soon. I did reply to his message on Tuesday telling him about my day and haven't heard a peep. So, I have no idea if he received his biopsy results back, or if this is "the fade" - he's 50 so I would hope he could muster up the balls to just say hey, liked the space, lets just keep it that way? I'm considering sending an email that I hope his results come back all clear and he is feeling better from the procedure and whats up with the lack of communicating but I'm on the fence. If it's the fade - although I think it's complete cowardice I want to respect his wishes to cease contact. Suggestions?
deathandtaxes Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Let it die. And don't date your boss. Too much drama. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 No good can come out of this. No really. I avoid men who blow hot and cold. They blow hot long enough to reel you back in, then go cold again. If they rinse and repeat this enough times and realize they're able to reel you back in all the time, they will start to blow hot even less frequently/unpredictably. Honestly, it is not a sign of interest or emotional availability. And yeah, don't date bosses/work colleagues. I don't as a general rule, no matter how much I feel attracted. I am mature enough to understand that things might not always pan out according to my expectations, so I'd like to avoid that awkward situation at work, etc. I'd stop communicating altogether. Just go NC without telling him that you're going to do that. And stick to NC. 2
cif Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Are you sure he's not back with the wife? I would probably text asking about his results then go NC. No email necessary.
Author HeyKat Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Are you sure he's not back with the wife? I would probably text asking about his results then go NC. No email necessary. Yes, well, as sure as I can be. They have lived separately for the last 5 years, he has a rental he lives in and she and the kids moved a few hours away.
Author HeyKat Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Let it die. And don't date your boss. Too much drama. Thanks He is no longer my boss, but I understand too much drama involved. I don't make it a practice to date bosses or co-workers ever, but for whatever reason all of my "rules" got tossed out with this one.
deathandtaxes Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Thanks He is no longer my boss, but I understand too much drama involved. I don't make it a practice to date bosses or co-workers ever, but for whatever reason all of my "rules" got tossed out with this one. Lust and love will make you do the craziest ****. Fun times while it lasts. After? Not so much. Oh, and if he expressed to you that he wants to cease contact, listen. You don't want to be 'that woman'.
Phantom888 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Why hold onto something that's luke warm? I mean, if he is not super into you, then you should move on. Men who act like this are not interested in a relationship...because they have stuff that are much more important to them. Don't you want to be treated as a priority? Don't you want respect from your man? Then you should move on, and ignore this sick dude. 1
Author HeyKat Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Lust and love will make you do the craziest ****. Fun times while it lasts. After? Not so much. Oh, and if he expressed to you that he wants to cease contact, listen. You don't want to be 'that woman'. Yes, the after isn't so much . He emailed last checking inTuesday but I haven't heard since I replied, no way I would contact if someone says no more, I know he internalizes and I was just wanting to offer support if his results were back and not good. No worries, I lived well before, I'll be fine now too.
Author HeyKat Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 Why hold onto something that's luke warm? I mean, if he is not super into you, then you should move on. Men who act like this are not interested in a relationship...because they have stuff that are much more important to them. Don't you want to be treated as a priority? Don't you want respect from your man? Then you should move on, and ignore this sick dude. Very true, guess I was operating under the assumption that when things calmed a but he would be back to his attentive "super into me" mode. Then with this cancer scare it's difficult to tell someone that is going through that, that they aren't meeting expectations without feeling like an *********
Author HeyKat Posted October 16, 2013 Author Posted October 16, 2013 I sent a text yesterday asking if he had received his results and telling him it was nice to see him the other weekend, no reply. Not surprised exactly but it's a bummer, I don't get how you can go from "miss you" "good morning/night" calls/texts to complete shut down in a week. Such is life.
Author HeyKat Posted October 21, 2013 Author Posted October 21, 2013 He texted last night "Hello - sorry I missed your call how are you?" - wtf? I said I was fine and asked if he got his results back. I haven't heard a thing back. I've never experienced this before, the one man that broke up with me before was direct and I appreciated that, why initiate contact and not reply? I simply don't understand. I guess I don't need to but I'm befuddled.
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