Wish Ex Happy Birthday?

October 14, 2013

My exes birthday is coming up and I was wondering if I should text him happy birthday.

We have limited contact because we are lab partners in a lab that meets a few times a week. We also have a few other classes together (in the same major in college). We aren't friends, but we act friendly towards each other when it comes to our classwork. We only contact each other about class- we don't randomly text or hangout.

Since we still are in contact with each other as class buddies, I think he would probably expect me to text him on his bday. I'd actually feel bad ignoring him on his special day. But then again, why should I feel bad when he's the one who ended things and broke my heart.

What do you guys think?

I'm for it on the basis that we are on good terms and aren't bitter exes. I know he wouldn't be mad that I'm texting him. I'm against it on the basis that we aren't together so I'm not obligated to do nice things like that. I also think it kinda sends a message that I'm moving on and not always thinking of him. Buttt I really think he might be hurt if I don't say anything since we are still on good terms. Idk I'm just torn right now. I don't want to hurt him, even though he has hurt me.

October 14, 2013

Given you still see each other in class, there's nothing wrong with wishing him a simple happy birthday, but I wouldn't expect a thank you or anything in return.

Go NC after this and move on. Spend your thoughts and energy on you, not him.

October 14, 2013

The individual who put this website together posts here occasionally... this post might help you:

How to Handle Special Occasions in The Life of Your Ex

October 14, 2013

If you dumped him, then I wouldn't do it cause it may give him false hope. And no, wishing him a happy birthday does not make him think you're moving on and not thinking of him, because you obviously remembered his bday and therefore were thinking of him.

If he dumped you and you're over it, and been friendly together there is nothing wrong with it.

October 14, 2013

I just wish that my ex and I didn't end on "good terms." I wish he did or said really mean things to hurt me. But he didn't do or say anything mean to me during our break up. The only thing that hurt me was the whole "I want to be single to figure out my life" speech that I got. Obviously, the break up hurts. It hurts that he wanted to leave me (not because of me, but because of him because he felt like something was missing). It also hurts that he's been hanging out with another girl this past month (he started hanging out with her 3 weeks after our BU, they still aren't exclusive bc my ex doesn't want a committed relationship).

Though he had his faults, I can't stop thinking about how great we were together. How great HE was. These thoughts are ultimately making it really hard for me to move on.

I see a lot of people on here who got treated badly in their relationship or were treated badly during and post break up. But that isn't the case for me. We VERY seldomly argued, he never once raised his voice at me. We always got along. And during the break up, there was absolutely no drama. He didn't want to hurt me, he was just doing what he thought he needed to do.

I just wish I could view him as a bad person but I can't. I can't be mad at him for how he's feeling. He can't help it and he was just doing what he thought was best for himself. If he felt like he needed to move on from our relationship in order to figure out where he stands in life, then he has that right.

I just wish I could move on completely. After 7 weeks I feel much much better, but it's just hard not to think about what I have lost. And I'm afraid I'll never find another guy like him or that I won't have as healthy of a relationship with someone else.

Maybe I'm still blinded by my love for him... But I know in my heart what we had was real and that we would have made a great married couple. Maybe one day he will see things differently, that he got confused and made a big mistake by ending things. Or maybe he won't

Either way I am moving on without him. Just wish the process was easier...

October 14, 2013

If you ended on good terms, there's nothing wrong with it. If it was a messy break-up I would not. Simple as that.

October 14, 2013

I just wish that my ex and I didn't end on "good terms." I wish he did or said really mean things to hurt me. But he didn't do or say anything mean to me during our break up. The only thing that hurt me was the whole "I want to be single to figure out my life" speech that I got. Obviously, the break up hurts. It hurts that he wanted to leave me (not because of me, but because of him because he felt like something was missing). It also hurts that he's been hanging out with another girl this past month (he started hanging out with her 3 weeks after our BU, they still aren't exclusive bc my ex doesn't want a committed relationship).

Though he had his faults, I can't stop thinking about how great we were together. How great HE was. These thoughts are ultimately making it really hard for me to move on.

I see a lot of people on here who got treated badly in their relationship or were treated badly during and post break up. But that isn't the case for me. We VERY seldomly argued, he never once raised his voice at me. We always got along. And during the break up, there was absolutely no drama. He didn't want to hurt me, he was just doing what he thought he needed to do.

I just wish I could view him as a bad person but I can't. I can't be mad at him for how he's feeling. He can't help it and he was just doing what he thought was best for himself. If he felt like he needed to move on from our relationship in order to figure out where he stands in life, then he has that right.

I just wish I could move on completely. After 7 weeks I feel much much better, but it's just hard not to think about what I have lost. And I'm afraid I'll never find another guy like him or that I won't have as healthy of a relationship with someone else.

Maybe I'm still blinded by my love for him... But I know in my heart what we had was real and that we would have made a great married couple. Maybe one day he will see things differently, that he got confused and made a big mistake by ending things. Or maybe he won't

Either way I am moving on without him. Just wish the process was easier...

No, I'm in the same boat. Overall a great relationship. It didn't end b/c we were fighting all the time. It didn't end b/c the sex ended. It didn't end b/c someone cheated. After almost 3 years it ended so she could "grow in to herself" some more and figure out what she wanted.

October 14, 2013

I wished my ex (dumper) happy b-day last week. We had been NC for about 6 weeks or so (8 weeks BU). I thought I'd be able to handle a little convo. Wrong.

He asked how I was doing and we exchanged few emails back and forth. I kept it pretty neutral and he pretty much did as well but I still ended up feeling pretty low. I was sad that he didn't say he missed me, etc. He hasn't emailed me since my last message though it didn't really warrant a response...

In a nutshell, I wasn't ready for any exchange with ex and I felt sh*tty for a few days but I'm back on track and doing good now.

I'm glad I said happy b-day and it will be the last one I will send to him unless we become friends way way waaaay down the road.

What I'm saying is to be ready for your emotional reaction..

October 14, 2013

I would do it.

I was in a similar situation and I regret I didn't take the chance....

October 14, 2013

I've read your posts, and my advice is: don't do it.

Too bad you still have to see him at school.

October 15, 2013

No, I'm in the same boat. Overall a great relationship. It didn't end b/c we were fighting all the time. It didn't end b/c the sex ended. It didn't end b/c someone cheated. After almost 3 years it ended so she could "grow in to herself" some more and figure out what she wanted.

I just don't get how people can do that to their SO. It doesn't make sense. We were literally just talking about getting engaged this year! Everything was perfect this summer then he decides he doesn't know what he wants at the start of this school year. He wants to go out and "enjoy senior yr of college and figure out his life." We even wanted to start a business together after college.

October 15, 2013

I've read your posts, and my advice is: don't do it.

Too bad you still have to see him at school.

I know I HATE that I still see him in my classes. I don't have hard feelings when we talk during lab, but it would be easier if I could go completely NC. He's going to be in a few of my classes next semester too, unfortunately. So I won't be rid of him until May when we graduate.

Why do you think I shouldn't text him happy bday? Most people I have talked to have said it's ok since it was a healthy break up and that we are still "friendly."

I've noticed these past few weeks that he has been pulling away more. He doesn't say as much to me in class, is super short when we text about schoolwork, doesn't call me about schoolwork at all (we only communicate through texting now, he used to call about homework sometimes), and doesn't ask for rides to class anymore. Things are definitely going from somewhat friendly to more cold.

Maybe it's time I completely let go and not even help him out with schoolwork anymore. I feel bad, but I think I need to do this. These little convos we have might be hurting my healing process too much.

October 15, 2013

I know I HATE that I still see him in my classes. I don't have hard feelings when we talk during lab, but it would be easier if I could go completely NC. He's going to be in a few of my classes next semester too, unfortunately. So I won't be rid of him until May when we graduate.

Why do you think I shouldn't text him happy bday? Most people I have talked to have said it's ok since it was a healthy break up and that we are still "friendly."

I've noticed these past few weeks that he has been pulling away more. He doesn't say as much to me in class, is super short when we text about schoolwork, doesn't call me about schoolwork at all (we only communicate through texting now, he used to call about homework sometimes), and doesn't ask for rides to class anymore. Things are definitely going from somewhat friendly to more cold.

Maybe it's time I completely let go and not even help him out with schoolwork anymore. I feel bad, but I think I need to do this. These little convos we have might be hurting my healing process too much.

You just answered your question. Things will only get colder. Why bother? It's not worth it. It's not like you guys are gonna be best friends. You're gonna be taking with him? Is there a way to change that?? You need to distance yourself from him, so you can really move on.

October 15, 2013

You just answered your question. Things will only get colder. Why bother? It's not worth it. It's not like you guys are gonna be best friends. You're gonna be taking with him? Is there a way to change that?? You need to distance yourself from him, so you can really move on.

No, there isn't a way. We are in the same major with the same specialty and there are two classes we will be in no matter what, there is only one section offered because it is a small upper level class.

And true, things have gotten colder and colder over the weeks. I should just stop talking to him about class now too

October 15, 2013

Nope.

Why do you want to contact him? I think its best to treat him neutrally. No special treatment, and that includes happy bday.

Deep down you may be expecting a response from him. What if he doesnt care and your feelings get hurt?

October 15, 2013

I say no. Its a waste of time for you while giving yourself false hope especially if you are not healed completely from the break up

Dont do it...

October 15, 2013

No, I'm in the same boat. Overall a great relationship. It didn't end b/c we were fighting all the time. It didn't end b/c the sex ended. It didn't end b/c someone cheated. After almost 3 years it ended so she could "grow in to herself" some more and figure out what she wanted.

Same with my girl. We're both 26, together for 2 years so I dunno what kind of growing she was trying to do. I don't understand how she couldn't do that while with me, I was never one to hold her back.

But yah, minimal fighting, no cheating, nothing really bad at all. I think this is the hardest part for me to get over it. I've had break ups before that were bad, but it made it so much easier to flip the bird and move on.

October 15, 2013

Only say happy birthday if you meant it and of course you don't get upset/depressed if he doesn't reply or reciprocate in any other ways.

October 15, 2013

I said my HBD to my ex in the "post here instead of...." Coping thread last week. I said what I needed to and I feel better, keep moving.

October 15, 2013

I'm for it on the basis that we are on good terms and aren't bitter exes. I know he wouldn't be mad that I'm texting him. I'm against it on the basis that we aren't together so I'm not obligated to do nice things like that. I also think it kinda sends a message that I'm moving on and not always thinking of him. Buttt I really think he might be hurt if I don't say anything since we are still on good terms. Idk I'm just torn right now. I don't want to hurt him, even though he has hurt me.

The only message it sends if you DON'T text him a happy birthday, is that you're rude.

Seriously... If I know somebody has a birthday, even if I don't really know them (like somebody that works the same place as, but who, I never talked to) I still wish them happy birthday if I'm aware of it.

It's like saying "see you later!" Or "how you doing?" It's just common courtesy. And we're talking about just a text or in person, right? It's not like you're making him a card or cooking him dinner. It's harmless.

And if you're on good/civil terms why not keep it that way? It makes it a lot easier to be around each other. And you don't want him to tell all his friends how rude, impolite and bitter you are. (he might take it that way) one of his friends might know your next boyfriend or be your next boyfriend.

October 15, 2013

I've had break ups before that were bad, but it made it so much easier to flip the bird and move on.

That's exactly what I'm saying! Break ups like this are just awful. I get that all break ups suck, but I feel like these are the hardest to come to terms with. It's not like the relationship failed, one person just had a change of heart out of the blue.

October 15, 2013

Don't send it. Every NC guide I've read says don't send happy birthday texts, cards, or anything else.

October 15, 2013

Idk what I'm going to do. Some say to do it, others don't.

When I saw my ex in class today, he was really cold. Not a thing was said between us that didn't relate to the lab we were doing and sometimes things were said kinda hastily. Overall, it was a bad vibe.

Things have been getting colder over the past few weeks. Idk what changed. He doesn't want rides before or after lab anymore, we don't really have small talk while doing experiments in lab, on facebook he untagged himself in our old photos (all but one), I noticed he stopped wearing the ankle bracelet that I made him when we were together. All of this in the past 2 weeks. But today he was especially distant. Maybe he is getting closer to the girl he has been hanging out with.

For the first 5 weeks our post BU relationship was more on the lines of this (X is where we stand between leaning towards being labeled as class buddies or friends):

class buddies ------X-- friends

The past two weeks it's the exact opposite

class buddies --X------ friends

Friends in this case is really casual. Like...having small talk in class, sometimes walk together afterwards, sometimes I would give him rides back to his apartment. VERY casual. Never hanging out or anything. And no texting about anything besides classwork.

Two weeks ago I would have wished him a happy bday without even thinking about it. I was actually going to give him a card too. But now, I'm not sure what to do.

Edited October 15, 2013 by Anethen

October 15, 2013

It's really all about your intentions behind it. If you still have strong feelings for him and want to get back together it's best not to send it.

October 15, 2013

The individual who put this website together posts here occasionally... this post might help you:

How to Handle Special Occasions in The Life of Your Ex

Thanks for the link to the site, reddragon588!

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Wish Ex Happy Birthday?

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