I am stunned. I have strong feelings for someone else.

[melell]

So 4 months since bu of an 8 year relationship.

 

Been going through the motions, pretty much stopped caring.

 

I am 26, and there is this person that I knew from high school, and I always really clicked with, again when we ran into each other 3 years ago. But we both were in relationships, so just really friendly.

 

This person popped up again, and honestly, it was like my ex flew out of my head, and this person is all I can think about. He is the type of person I have always wanted to be with, but it seems odd that I am thinking like this.

 

Is this insane? I mean, I think it seems to soon.

Questions

What does this say about my current stage of healing?

Is this rebound 'thinking'?

 

I would not be anything but friends with this person for at least another 3 months-just so I am sure of my feelings.

 

This is really blowing my mind. It is strange.

[thishatteredsymphony]

It is possible this could be some kind of "rebound thinking" as you called it. Especially since you said that when you met up with this guy, your ex just sort of got wiped from your mind. Subconsciously, you might be unintentionally using this new guy as a distraction from your ex.

 

All that being said, I don't see a reason why you can't necessarily see if things could go forward with this man. Just be very, VERY careful -- but then, you already know that. Good luck.

[barky2]

You're bandaiding the pain and sorrows deep down in your heart.

 

I can't advise you to move forward with the new person but I will tell you one thing.

 

If this goes bad,say after 3months of being together with the new guy,and you're once again left broken hearted...you will have to grieve this new relationship,as well as the old.

 

Be very very careful.

 

 

 

 

 

Barky

[JoelBarish]

If it doesn't work out with the new guy then you might have to deal with that rejection on top of the old pain. I don't want to be a downer here. I think it's great that you see and feel that life goes on after your break up. Just take it slow and allow yourself tome to heal.

[JDPT]

You are confused and still very needy. Pace yourself no need to rush into things. It will eventually fade and clear your head to see the big picture again.

[melell]

That was my initial concern with this.

 

I do wonder though, the ex that I was with, though I loved him, was an addict- a person on self destruct mode, even before I met him it was a series of disasters. I was only just 18 when I met him, and unfortunately not smart enough to understand the reality of it.

 

While I continued with my life, and completed my degrees he was in and out of work, off an on drugs, utter chaos. And my role in the relationship was honestly picking up the pieces.

 

Even though I loved him I was absolutely miserable and wanted out for a long long time. Being around him made me uncomfortable to say the least. I didn't leave because he was all I knew. In the end he left, but I very much so pushed him out. Things were miserable.

 

I am starting to wonder if perhaps the reason I am getting through this so quickly is because I had already been letting go much earlier?

[melell]

You are confused and still very needy. Pace yourself no need to rush into things. It will eventually fade and clear your head to see the big picture again.

 

I really wont be rushing into anything, I mean I wouldn't even consider talking to this person in that way unless I felt the same months from now.

 

It just feels like a switch has gone off over the last few weeks, where I want to be far away from the past, and have no longing for it.

 

I go days without thinking of things, and then when I realize it I feel really uncomfortable that I haven't thought of it.

 

This person I have mentioned-I have thought about for years, would dream about him all the time, but just brush it off because I was with someone else. The last time I ran into him was in a bar, he was drunk, and said to me 'I have been in love with you for years, where have you been?'. So there is some reality to the feelings I have for him.

Edited October 13, 2013 by melell

[StyleOnEm]

Once you've been dumped- there is a void, a void that you want filled by someone.

 

You end up wanting to feel validated again.. and this guy is cool, and makes you feel happy. So in essence he fills most of that void. Since you want to feel complete again, maybe you're putting him on a pedestal since he's partly responsible for your happiness again.

 

Like others have said, be careful with your emotions. You are still vulnerable.

[Ireallydontknow]

I'm going against what everyone else says and go for it. I mean why not? You could get hurt, or you could have an awesome relationship? I mean why the heck not? It's not like you've jumped on the first guy to give you attention.

 

I'm kind of enamored with a girl right now myself, so yeah, who knows? We may get hurt, we might not, but not doing anything is sometimes worst. Love is a crappy gamble when we get with someone.

[melell]

Thanks everyone, it is really helpful. I have pretty much decided that in 3 months from now if I haven't had any significant emotions about my ex, and am still thinking about this person I will go for it.

 

I figure if I get really upset about my ex and the break up in the mean time then I am not ready.

 

I was feeling pretty close to happy before this guy popped up, so I don't think he is too responsible for me feeling better. I feel the same as before, but with liking someone on top of that.

 

I have been asked out by 6 different people in the last 2 months, really nice attractive seemingly genuine people, so technically I could have used someone to fill the void if I wanted.

 

The guy I have been referring to is for sure on a pedestal in my mind, but always has been, he really is a good person, so I feel it is deserving. My feelings towards him existed long before this breakup, and even before I met my ex, that is part of why I do feel they are real.