thecrucible Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Been relationship official with this guy for two weeks and there have been a few concerns. I want to address this and I haven't been silent and accepted bad treatment but I want to hammer it home so he can see how I feel. I'm just worried really. 1)He told me that he'd had a girlfriend in the past who'd walk out on him the first time they had sex, because he wasn't that good. Because of that, I've been patient with my boyfriend in trying to make him more comfortable, which has made him more caring about my pleasure. However last night, he got angry with me because he couldn't get me off in 15-20 minutes, said that was too much time etc. I said "well I'm not going to lie to you about whether I get off". He turned away from me, left me upset and then said to me "I'm just being an *******" and that "I'm ridiculous". I told him that wasn't cool. 2)He was playing guitar for me and I picked up the guitar myself, I accidentally moved it as he moved his head forward, accidentally hitting his eye. He shouted out "****ing bitch" before explaining it was bro talk and nothing to do with me...but hmm 3)It's not like he isn't interested in me but we have some awkward silences and I feel that I have to pick up the conversation. He doesn't ask me nothing about my life, but doesn't ask me as much as I'd want him to. 4)Yesterday I was sitting in room with him and he was looking through phone saying "Oh I'll see how many girls' numbers I have on my phone before reading them out and saying which girls were hot etc". Hmm what was his point? Maybe he is acting awful because he doesn't want a relationship as much as he says he does, or he is taking me for a ride. I hope not because I'd be embarrassed and hurt that he's using me :/
pyramid Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 He sounds extremely immature. How old are you guys? 4
Author thecrucible Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 He sounds extremely immature. How old are you guys? He's 22. I'm 24 with a lot more experience behind me than him (been engaged before)...I really want to couch my opinions in ways which won't sound critical but will be to the point...at least I hope nothing like this crops up again.
nescafe1982 Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Yeah, he lacks maturity. A guy this immature isn't capable of the kind of relationship you seem to want. I'd get out before you get too invested. 2
bluechocolate Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 "Oh I'll see how many girls' numbers I have on my phone before reading them out and saying which girls were hot etc". What you should have done was pick up your phone & say, "Oh, I'll see how many boys numbers I have on my phone & which ones could bring me to a screaming orgasm in less than 10 minutes". Seriously though, 2 weeks in & he's cussing & swearing at you & trying to make you jealous ? Run away. 8
deathandtaxes Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Total d-bag. Boy has a lot to learn if he gives up after 15-20 minutes with a lady. The bit with his lack of conversation with you just sounds like incompatibility. Drop him quick. 2
mammasita Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Yep, something wrong with him. Sounds like a total immature douchebag with a slew of emotional issues. How long did you know him before you became "official". Did you really spend enough time getting to know him?
Author thecrucible Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Yeah he does have a lot of issues. I am currently thinking about what my views are. But really it is stressing me out too much so I am trying to take my mind off it. I recently told him it would be nice if we could be in contact a bit more in-between dates and he said something about needing space. I am seeing him in a couple of days as he says he wants us to spend day together. I want to be kept in the loop a bit more. I don't want to be left hanging. He'll arrange to see me on a particular day, but not make exact plans until the day before. There is no way I want to get into a situation where he is taking me for granted and expecting to see me at the drop of a hat. I feel like he's hard to open up emotionally. I don't know if that is just him or that he wants to keep me at an emotional distance. I might ask him point blank at some point. Since he was talking about space, I'm going to give him it, not contact him, and just have enormous fun for the next couple of days. I shut down my facebook for this week. Just can't stand being part of so much drama. My best friend thinks he's not right for me. She might be right. I want to take longer to decide (we've dated for 3 weeks) but she is hurrying me to make a decision. That stresses me out too. I'm not sure what to think of him yet. I don't know him well enough. I agree that I might have moved too fast but it is too late now. We recently had a pregnancy scare that we had to deal with. And he is telling that he is finding work stressful at the moment.
Author thecrucible Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I'm not trying to be rude forgive me if I do come across that way Do you have any self worth? the fact you've stayed with him after any of these things seems like you do not respect yourself He's treating you like complete **** and you allow it. It's been 2 weeks... youre setting yourself up for an extremely abusive situation. If you walk away you'll be fine...again it's been 2 weeks. He's treating you like a doormat Has has apologised for all of that stuff and hasn't done it again. I shall reiterate to him that if he does it again, I'm out the door.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Has has apologised for all of that stuff and hasn't done it again. I shall reiterate to him that if he does it again, I'm out the door. Why do you want an emotionally abusive, not-that-into-you, immature man-child? 5
sweetheart5381 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 ^^^^^^^ Exactly... this. It only gets worse. Trust me. You do not want to become emotionally attached to someone that does any of this stuff to you. This one has bad news written all over it. Heck, I been blind-sided by guys that only started their man-child behaviour after they knew I was hooked. This dude is doing it way before true attachment has formed. Get rid of him, before he busts your heart and has you in the Break-up section of LS. 2
pteromom Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 However last night, he got angry with me because he couldn't get me off in 15-20 minutes, said that was too much time etc. I said "well I'm not going to lie to you about whether I get off". He turned away from me, left me upset and then said to me "I'm just being an *******" and that "I'm ridiculous". I told him that wasn't cool. This, on its own, could be more about his insecurity about his inability to please you. If this was the ONLY thing, I may give it another shot. He shouted out "****ing bitch" before explaining it was bro talk and nothing to do with me...but hmm This, on its own, could be him just cussing a general cuss, and not directed at you. He doesn't ask me nothing about my life, but doesn't ask me as much as I'd want him to. This, on its own, could just be about immaturity and lacking social skills. "Oh I'll see how many girls' numbers I have on my phone before reading them out and saying which girls were hot etc". Hmm what was his point? This - sounds douche-baggy. I can come up with no reasonable explanation why he'd do this other than to hurt, confuse, unhinge you. When you add all this together, there are a lot of red flags for him being potentially verbally and emotionally abusive. What do YOU get out of this relationship? From him, I mean? What does he do to make you feel special, cared about, interesting, accepted, respected, appreciated? If the answer is nothing... well, there's your answer. If he DOES bring something good to the relationship, then you may decide to move forward, but do so slowly and with very firm boundaries about what is or isn't acceptable to you, and be willing to walk if he crosses them. 1
Delilah1623 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Yes. There is something wrong with your boyfriend. 2
Lansing Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Wow... Why are you with this guy? You need to think about that.... I agree with others.. Doesn't sound like he has any positive qualities at all. 2
ScienceGal Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Only 2 weeks and he's already showing his true colors? Consider yourself lucky. You have to work from the assumption that it isn't likely going to get any better. 4
jwizzle Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 I think this guy has RED FLAGS for an abusive personality. I wouldn't want to stay with him. 2
Author thecrucible Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 I think this guy has RED FLAGS for an abusive personality. I wouldn't want to stay with him. I never told you what happened with this guy but he was awful Oh my God! So he treated me really badly, made me feel like crap. He lead me on then dumped me on my birthday. He told me my boobs are too small and that I have physical flaws and he wants a girl who's hotter (he's not even that hot himself). He also got angry with me because I didn't orgasm in 30 seconds. I told him I was losing weight because I was stressed at his behaviour and he said "That's good. I like my women that way". I was stupid enough to meet up with him after we broke up. He claimed he wanted to be friends, but he pushed himself on me and tried to force me into having sex with him. I cut him off and he's angry now because I don't give him the time of day. He says "Oh let's be friends but we can still have sex and you can date someone else and when I meet someone I like better, then we can end it". Idiot. He's not even the most attractive guy but he thinks he's God's gift. Aarrghh I'm not even as angry with him now. I'm just embarrassed that I got close to him. But nothing can fix the impact his negative comments have had on my self-esteem of late.
Zahara Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 The moment he went off on you about taking long to orgasm and called you a fuucking bitch, you should have ended it. Learn from this. If behavior is bad at the get go, don't keep waiting for it to get better. It won't. It gets worse. You said you don't tolerate bad treatment -- in the future, there's no compromising when huge red flags start going up. 4
Author thecrucible Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Learn from this. If behavior is bad at the get go, don't keep waiting for it to get better. It won't. It gets worse. You said you don't tolerate bad treatment -- in the future, there's no compromising when huge red flags start going up. Yeah that's what I've been doing. I'm just into dating again and I'm trying to remember what I learnt so I don't end up in that kind of situation again.
Gaeta Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You created this tread last October, how long did you endure this treatment ?
Zahara Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 And OP, when a man calls you a fuucking bitch, walk away. If you stay, you teach him that he can speak and treat you any which way he wants. No one should tolerate being spoken to that way. A man that respects you, won't speak to you that way. And a man that has strong morals and values will never treat a woman that way. Keep the lesson close to you and never compromise your wants and needs. 3
Author thecrucible Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 You created this tread last October, how long did you endure this treatment ? The relationship ended about a month later. 1
nescafe1982 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 The relationship ended about a month later. Glad you got out, OP. I think the biggest lesson going forward here is to be uncompromising when it comes to how a man treats you. If he proves himself incapable of being a good boyfriend, walk away asap. On to the next! 1
Author thecrucible Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Glad you got out, OP. I think the biggest lesson going forward here is to be uncompromising when it comes to how a man treats you. If he proves himself incapable of being a good boyfriend, walk away asap Exactly. It's just not worth the pain. It's like my best friend told me - not worth the tears. It took me ages afterwards to even attempt to bring forth a positive mood. In the end I thought "screw it" and decided that there's no way I'll let the bastard get me down. I saw him sign up to POF again recently and I felt sorry for whichever girl gets entangled next. He basically wants a girl to worship him haha and I never did and he didn't like it. He complained that I didn't text him enough but then he never made much of an effort to communicate with me so I thought "well why should I text him when he ignores my texts?". He showed me a book he wrote and I said it looked good but I didn't have much time to read it. He complained "no woman will ever love my writing as much as I do". lol He never arranged things in advance, just whenever he felt like it but it annoyed me because I have a busy life. He didn't get that and got annoyed when I wasn't instantly available when he said... Phew sorry...sort of spewing a bit.. Good riddance to that anyway 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Exactly. It's just not worth the pain. It's like my best friend told me - not worth the tears. It took me ages afterwards to even attempt to bring forth a positive mood. In the end I thought "screw it" and decided that there's no way I'll let the bastard get me down. I saw him sign up to POF again recently and I felt sorry for whichever girl gets entangled next. He basically wants a girl to worship him haha and I never did and he didn't like it. He complained that I didn't text him enough but then he never made much of an effort to communicate with me so I thought "well why should I text him when he ignores my texts?". He showed me a book he wrote and I said it looked good but I didn't have much time to read it. He complained "no woman will ever love my writing as much as I do". lol He never arranged things in advance, just whenever he felt like it but it annoyed me because I have a busy life. He didn't get that and got annoyed when I wasn't instantly available when he said... Phew sorry...sort of spewing a bit.. Good riddance to that anyway Good for you for walking away! I have been with these types of toxic men before and I know it's not easy even when they're being complete douche lords. I hope you can share your experience with other women so they know the warning signs. And no woman will ever love his writing as much as he does? LMAO! He's probably 100% correct on that! What a wordsmith.
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