blind_otter Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 I lost my baby on Saturday. I spotted the night before, by around 5am I was bleeding more heavily. I called my midwife and she told me to put my feet up and wait for an ultrasound on Moday. I was about 13 weeks along. I was making something to eat around 11am and my water broke. The air smelled like seawater. I called my Mom and she came to take me to the ER. I felt a tremendous pressure and I had contractions, that were far apart at first. In the ER I waited to see a doctor and the contractions came closer and closer until I knew I what was happening, so I went into the bathroom and delivered the baby by myself. It was small and pink and still, and it looked exactly like I expected. It was the size of a guinea pig, I guess. I was scared, I just sat on the floor staring at it because I didn't know what else to do. I was numb and I guess a little in shock because I had lost a lot of blood as well. And then the toilet flushed automatically and I was horrified because I had just sat there and I walked out and told my Mother what had happened. She told the triage nurse and the doctor saw me right away. I feel empty, it's been two days and my stomach is flat again. I don't know what to feel. I was so ambivalent about this pregnancy, unplanned, unexpected, the whole time has been so stressful and confusing, but I was determined to keep going and move forward. I'm very sad.
Naive Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 I am very sorry for your loss, I know that nothing that I say can make it better. Just have faith and hope in God.
Merin Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 My deepest Sympathy. Please take care of yourself..
savethedrama4allama Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 Otter, I am sorry. That is terrible to go through alone. I am glad that you are ok though. -sad llama
HokeyReligions Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 OMG! blind-otter! I am sooooo sorry. Is there some counseling available through the hospital or your work, or somewhere to help you deal with this right now? Losing a baby is traumatic enough, but for you to have gone through it the way you did would be catastrophic to me. It might help you to get a grip on your emotions and work through this if you can talk with others who have experienced similar things -- like a small support group. The hospital should have some information somewhere about groups in your area.
morrigan Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 I'm sorry about your baby. Take care of yourself.
Joyce Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 I'm sorry about your baby. I understand how you feel I had a miscarriage once too. It sounds like you were further along than I was. I didn't even know I was pregnant until I lost it. It's a very hard thing to go through. Your hormones and emotions have got be a mess. Don't hold in your feelings, share them and lean on your family and friends. Like it was said before get into a support group. (Hugs)
tiki Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 OMG otter I am so sorry. Please take good care of yourself. I am thinking of you often. ((((hugs))))
SoleMate Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 otter, you have my sincere condolences. What a painful shock for you - after you have already had so much to deal with. Have a cyberhug you dear little thing ((((blind_otter))))
Weird Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 My sympathies to you for your loss. Take care of yourself
Debster Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 While I know this might not be seen as very helpful or sensitive - it is meant to be comforting - things do happen for a reason. When I had a friend who miscarried that was what helped her get through it. I do feel for you.
Artifact Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 Take care of yourself. We're all thinking of you. Artifact
kiwi29f Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 I am so sorry. I lost my first baby when I was 3 months along. I was devistated but I was not at a point in my life to have a baby & the father would not have taken full responsibility for it.(he already had one that he claimed but didn't take care of.) My mother believes in reincarnation(as do I) & she told me something that helped me. she believes your baby chooses its parents & my baby decided he/she didn't want my bf at the time as a father b/c of the way he is so he/she decided to wait & come back to me when the time was right. 3 yrs later I got preg. w/ my H's baby. Keep your head up things will get better. I know how much pain your in. I now have a healthy, beautiful 2 year old little girl.
Scott S Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 I'm very sorry to hear of this. My condolences.
tokyo Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 I´m so sorry!! That must be so hard to lose one´s baby, my warmest sympathy to you.
brashgal Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 Take care of yourself, take time to grieve. I've been through this, it is a sad time of life. Sending positive thoughts your way....
zara Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 Just wanted to add my sympathy. You are in my thoughts. x
on the edge Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 i'm so sorry...keeping you in thoughts and prayers *hugs*
friskywife Posted December 7, 2004 Posted December 7, 2004 I just wanted to add my sympathies. Be strong and be sure to take care of yourself.
Author blind_otter Posted December 7, 2004 Author Posted December 7, 2004 Thank you for the support and sympathy. It just sucks. It's really hard. This is hard. I wish so bad I had someone in my life who cared as much about this baby as I did. I wish that the baby's father wasn't a total a**h***. I wish I had something to show for what I fought for. There is a support group that meets once a month while I'm at work. Why the hell they have to have it at 11:30am on thursday is beyond me. I am angry, too. I guess working through the stages of grief. I am angry and sad and confused and I hurt all over my body aches. I wish I didn't have this much hurt balled up inside. I wish I knew a better way to get it out.
tiki Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 Originally posted by blind_otter There is a support group that meets once a month while I'm at work. Why the hell they have to have it at 11:30am on thursday is beyond me. Can you take an early lunch? I'm certain that your employer would understand.
Author blind_otter Posted December 8, 2004 Author Posted December 8, 2004 I would have to take like a 3 hour lunch because the group itself is 2 hours, and the meetings are held at the Hospice here in town, which is half hour or 45 minutes away from where I work. My friend told me to just go to private counseling. He said I shouldn't try to deal with this alone. The last time I had a miscarriage I really just lost it. I was so depressed that I didn't get out of bed or shower and I quit myjob. I just wanted to fade away. I had to see a psychiatrist and a therapist and I was put on all these medications...it took a year and a half for me to get better. I am just very sad. I need to get better. I need to be able to deal with this. I need to get it together...
tokyo Posted December 8, 2004 Posted December 8, 2004 You really need to see someone. That´s so awful that it´s the second time already..... I find that to be very worriesome. What does your doctor say that you had a miscarriage before?
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