Is time a great healer like they say?

[brokenhearted91]

It's been 9 months, which I know in the grand scheme of things isn't a lot, but by now I was expecting a little more clarity than I am feeling right now. On a day to day basis, life does go on, but I sort of feel sometimes like I'm existing rather than living life. Sometimes little things remind me, and I can shake it off but other times, I just feel heartbroken all over again. My dreams eased off but now they're back more frequently and vividly than anything and I don't understand because I think about him less now than I did in the past really. They're always about how he made a mistake leaving me, and he did leave me for someone else but when it came down to it, it was a mistake and he wants me back. I'm just fed up now I want to move to the next stage, I don't think I want him back I think I would just like to feel wanted again, don't get me wrong if he came begging for me back I'm not sure what I'd say, but I feel like I am moving forward but it's taking so long!

[Toddbt12y1]

I believe that time is only part of what heals you.

 

An example: a person breaks up. They sit around, and wait for time to heal them. This leaves them plenty of free time to ease into their despair, and plenty of time to think of an ex.

 

Rather, it is so much more than time. It is what you do with that time. How you improve yourself, if any, and whether you are active(not overly so). Whether you have hopes of meeting another person. Trying to get out and meet or flirt with other people.

 

Time will heal. But time itself cannot. It just leaves you with more time to think of all this nasty stuff. Distract. That is how it should be.

 

I am sorry your dreams are coming back. I went through this. Eventually they go away...or are extremely rare. Think of it as the mind trying to sort this out...to sort him out of your life.

[KatZee]

On a day to day basis, life does go on, but I sort of feel sometimes like I'm existing rather than living life.

 

I'm just fed up now I want to move to the next stage, I don't think I want him back I think I would just like to feel wanted again, don't get me wrong if he came begging for me back I'm not sure what I'd say, but I feel like I am moving forward but it's taking so long!

 

No. Time doesn't heal broken hearts. It's what you do DURING that time that heals you.

 

You say that you feel like you're merely existing, not living. So GET UP, get LIVING.

 

A person can take 3 months to get over an ex, or 3 years. It's all up to the dumpee and what they do after the split. You're not going to magically move to the next stage of moving on if you're not doing anything with yourself, and just "existing." It's no wonder you are still dwelling on the ex and on all of the "what if's" of the relationship. You should honestly be too busy to even care about the "what if's." That's what's going to get you to move on.

 

For example: with my first love, he dumped me after one year and I spent SIX YEARS harboring issues with him. I constantly went over the relationship, what I did wrong, will he come back. All I did was obsess over him. I compared all new guys to him, I actually went back and became his FWB for a couple years. I never tried to better myself as a person, I just started throwing myself at any guy that showed me attention. I was so hurt by him that I just wanted to be with anyone. This lead to many unhappy years with wrong people, while always coming back to that ex, talking to him, wishing he had never dumped me.

 

with my second love: he dumped me after THREE YEARS together. It took maybe 6 months to get over him. I had refused to be in the same place as I had been before. I cut off all contact and the night he dumped me was the last time he ever saw or spoke to me. I didn't dwell on what if's. I got up, I reconnected with old friends, I made plans with people I hadn't seen in a while, I joined Meetup groups and met new girlfriends. If I didn't feel like going out, I forced myself to anyway. I started up new hobbies, did things I had never had the chance to do before... my life was so packed that I didn't even have a second to think about my ex.

 

Make a list. Write down things you want to do, want to see, have always wanted to do when you were with your ex but couldn't because you were obligated to him. Get out there. Put yourself out there. Take risks. Don't just wake up, eat food, go to work, go home, eat food, and go to bed.

 

Join a gym, try Meetup, go mingle at happy hour with friends and talk to new guys, get some numbers and boost your ego. Buy some new clothes, really reconnect with YOURSELF.