MissLY Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I went out to a club last thursday to support my big brother who was deejaying that night. I ran into his friend (a guy who I haven't seen in years) and sparks flew. We ended up talking for the remainder of the night and we exchanged numbers. The next day I immdediately texted him and told him it was great to see him. He wrote back it was great seeing me too and would love to hang out. I wrote back yes certainly, lets make that happen, have a goodnight. 1 week goes by and nothing. Of course I was dissapointed so I just figured he was involved with someone else. That night (7 days later after I saw him) me and a friend attend a social mixer at a lounge, and I end up seeing him there. Turns out he was one of the co-owners of the lounge. Anyway, he ends up buying drinks for me and my girlfriend and we have a nice convo with him. At one point when I wasn't paying attention, he leaned over to my friend and told her that he has a huge deep crush on me but added that he can't do anything about it because he's one of my brother's best friends. My girlfriend tells me this and I end up saying something to him. He said "its really rare when I like someone but listen, your brother would kill me if we dated and I ended up hurting you in anyway." I was annoyed to hear that but was hoping he would change his mind. Me and my friend end up going to another lounge and I invite him to join us. He says he will once he's done working. I ended up staying at the next spot for 30 minutes and I began to get tired and so I sent him a text asking if he was still coming. He said he would soon. I called bull**** so I decided to leave. The moment I got home I received several texts from him saying he just got there and was looking for me etc. I said "oh damn i just got home, it would've been great to see you". He answers "I really wish you were here but no worries. Its probably for the best." And thats it, I ignored him after that. This happened 2 days ago. "For the best"? I mean, who SAYS that? I'm annoyed because I'm so damn picky when it comes to men and when I finally find somebody who I really like, he decides not to pursue me because him and my brother are good friends. Ugh! I just needed to vent that out because it's been heavily on my mind. Any thoughts or opinions are welcome.
truth_seeker Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I'll give you my opinion on this... I went through the same thing as this guy. Two things right off the bat: 1) He's not that into you so he's playing nice because he's friends with your brother. 2) He likes you a lot but worries about jeopardizing his friendship with your brother in case things don't work out between you two. You sound exactly like the girl I dealt with - you want what you want and could care less about the spot this guy is in. You can't knock the guy for hesitating. A real friend wouldn't get with his boy's sister not caring if it hurt their friendship. You have to step back and look at the big picture here. If you really like this guy, talk to your brother. Tell your brother you like him and would like to date him. Ask your brother to reach out to him, so your brother can let him know that he's cool with you guys dating. It will ease the pressure off this guy, and if he likes you, he will feel more comfortable asking you out. Now, if he isn't too comfortable with the idea, after which your brother gives him the green light, then you have to respect his decision - do not be nasty to the guy if he chooses not to be with you. You have to understand he's in a delicate spot being your brother's friend. 2
hogwild Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 truth_seeker is a truth speaker! Would you really risk YOUR friendship with your closest girl friend to date her brother? Maybe you would because you're a woman. haha. But us dudes generally don't want to risk losing our best friend over a girl. So you're gonna have to: 1 - Show that you're worth the risk because you're super awesome. and 2 - Lower the risk by talking to your brother and getting his blessing. Yes the guy will be kinda embarrassed by you doing this but it might be your only shot at dating him. Then go slow and build something real. Me? I'd never date my best friend's sister no matter what. It would just be too weird. A guy's best friend is who he talks to about his relationship. Now it's gonna be awkward! ME: Dude, I finally scored with my new girlfriend! MY BEST FRIEND: DUDE! Your girlfriend is my sister. ME: Oh, right. Sorry. Um, so it's her birthday coming up. Any ideas for something romantic I can do with your sister? MY BEST FRIEND: She really likes going camping in remote locations. Ya know, the nature, the woods, a bonfire. Plus that way I can sneak there in the night, chop you up with an ax and bury you and no one will hear your screams. MissLili, here’s something you don't want to hear: if you're truly that picky, you need to prepare yourself to meet LOTS more men than you already do. You need to go on a mission to find EXACTLY the man you want. This takes time, effort, and intelligent planning. I hope it works out for you and your brother's friend! But if it doesn't, have the confidence to know that you WILL get the RIGHT man for you if you put in the effort. Your frustration is actually a positive emotion. It means you're not willing to drop your standards! If it doesn't work with this guy, turn your frustration into a renewed determination to get an awesome boyfriend. An awesome dude who will surprise you with pizza A great guy who rub your feet-za Nice and funny, charming and smart Gives you a high-five after you fart A man who loves you and no other A guy whose best man at your wedding won't be your brother! 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Your brother would "kill" this guy for a reason...that's because he knows what this guy is all about...unlike yourself. He means "for the best" because he knows he'd get in trouble for doing it...if he was really a "good guy", you really think that your brother would mind? he might be hesitant but think "this is a good guy, I know him well"....but no, your bro probably knows all his dirt and what the guy is doing behind the charm. Ask your brother if you're that interested in this guy, but this guy knows he can't hit and quit it with you without causing some major waves with his friend, that's off limits to playing around with and a big foul/disrespect on his part if he were to do so. And quit the "you're so picky" crap, everyone says that. 2
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