bing bing Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 We will be together a year on Dec 21. I love her deeply and she says she loves me. Lately she has been acting strangely towards me. She seems to be going out of her way to find fault with me. As time goes on and my love for her grows I am more inclined to look past her faults and she seems more inclined to scrutinize and magnify mine. The bottom line is that after a year of being with someone and planning a future with them I want to have security in my relationship. I want the knowledge that if there is an issue with one of us we are willing to work through it together. More and more I feel like she is just looking for an excuse to end it. I knew going into this that she had baggage. Her father left when she was eight years old and since has never been a part of her life. Her mother had a series of unsuccessful and abusive relationships. She would often be woken up in the middle of the night by her mom and put into a car loaded with all of there possessions and shipped off to a relative. I suspect that she may have been abused in some way. I told her how I felt and that any long term relationship needs commitment, honesty, trust and hard work. I told her that I need to know that she is not going to call it quits at the first sign of trouble. Her response was that she has never seen a couple work through anything. All she knows is how to cut and run. She said that " in all of my relationships I've always kept one foot out the door" and " I want to work for our relationship but I don't know how to". I think these are both cop-outs. She is 28 and she needs to get this straightened out or she will never have a meaningful relationship. If you have abandonment issues or have been with someone who has them I need your advice. I love her but am trying to draw the line between my love for her and my love for myself. She has more or less told me that she can not be trusted with my heart. Thanks for any help.
NiCoLe20 Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 just tell her how u feel. let her know ur always there and how u dont want her to leave... u have to reassure her that YOUR relationship can work out if you both want it to. if she finds excuses to end the relationship, well, theres nothing more you can do but let her go... if she wants to play games and leave you guessing whats going to happen next - its not really worth all the stress... you guys have been together a year - i mean its pretty long , but at the same time its not...if things have changed drastically in that time , talk to her and see whats up...you'll never know until she talks to you...just comfort her and basically let her know you want to be w/ her & if both of u meet halfway it'll work out.... or maybe she just needs time tothink... well goo dluck
Think too much Posted December 6, 2004 Posted December 6, 2004 bing bing, I know that you read my post and I have trust issues too. Has she ever done anything to show you that she will run as soon as there is trouble? So far she has been with you almost a year which is a pretty long time. My point is I know she tells you that she can't be trusted with your heart but I think she is telling herself that based off of her past and doesn't really mean it. After every bad relationship I've had I vowed to not trust or get as close to the next person but I always do. Sometimes people that have been deeply hurt convince themselves that they are not in a position to get hurt again because they don't want to admit that they already are. I hope that all makes sense.
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