HofbrauBock Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Initially, I have a hard time (pun intended) getting it up with a new girl. I don't have ED because it only happens the first few times and then it's off to boner city. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of women lose interest before I can prove myself, penis wise lol. It's become kind of a psychological thing at this point, because it's happened multiple times. I am fearful of sexual interaction and get nervous with the onset of it; rather then just kicking back, having fun, and enjoying the moment. Are women really turned off by a guy who can't get it up the first few go's? Are there any solutions that you people could recommend to me?
nescafe1982 Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 How early into a new relationship do you have sex? Sometimes performance anxiety happens if sex happens very early on (before tension builds over time or emotional investments occur). At the same time, as a woman I can say I would be more patient with a man with such issues if I've already made those same kinds of emotional investments. 1
Criticality Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I can't imagine that its a turn on.... Its a messed up situation, that's for sure. Since impotence and lack of erection is 95% psychological (Jeez, my penis starts shaking just by the thought off it!) maybe you should get some Viagra or Cialis from your doctor? Take it before the intended rendezvous, and chances are that it'll do erectile wonders on you. If you KNOW you'll get an erection because of the Viagra/Cialis it'll take the pressure off, and solve the psychological reason behind your penis betraying you. And don't worry about asking the doctor. He's been there before and is used to it!
ChessPieceFace Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Maybe you could try waiting longer until you have sex (so you'll be more comfortable with them) and/or doing some things the first couple times without having sex? Anyway, I'd just be honest about it. If they can't understand and trust over that, you're better off without them anyway. 2
Author HofbrauBock Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 @Criticality - Your post was cracking me up man. I have thought about that before. I just need to pop a placebo Viagra and I'll ascend boner heaven. I am 23. I have only been in one relationship and messed around with a few other women briefly. I kind of jumped head on, without a hard on, into my old relationship with a chick I barely knew. After some initial awkward flacid sex, getting it up was no longer an issue and things were fine. (0 issues during masturbation as well). I just want to figure it out before the situation arises again...sex seems to pop up spur of the moment; While drunk at a bar with a girl I know (Whiskey dick might be kicking in as well) or spontaneously on a date I suppose. It's hard to find an appropriate time to tell a girl "Hey, so when sex comes, be patient, because it's going to suck at first but but but trust me, it will get better". It just sounds like it comes off as insecure and would really turn a girl off.
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I would be patient if the guy was honest about why it happened. I would completely understand and try to take the pressure off for next time. If it just happened and he didn't explain, I would assume that he just doesn't find me attractive or that I did something to turn him off 4
MalachiX Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I, and a number of my guy friends, don't have any issue getting an erection the first time but we all have trouble reaching climax when we're with a new person. Part of it is our desire to make sure she gets off before we do (it's just polite) but part of it is also psychological and has to do with trust and being with a new person. As far as relationships go, just take things slowly on the sex side and tell her it's because you like her and don't like to rush things. You can spend a few times pleasing her orally and fooling around in other ways before the main event. Hopefully you'll be ready after a few dates of foreplay. Just make sure you keep her satisfied orally while she's waiting. As for quick hook-up sex, you're kinda **** out of luck If you can't get it up without feeling relaxed and comfortable with a woman then you're never going to be able to have a fast one-night-stand with someone you barely know. Just accept that and you'll be fine. 1
Joaquin Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 (edited) I had this problem when I was younger with new gfs. It always sorted itself out after a few times with the person. When it happened I used to just casually shrug it off and not make a big deal of it with the girl and say something like.... "no big deal, that happens with me when Im with someone new". Last thing you want is them thinking it's a problem. They didn't seem to mind. I subsequently stopped pushing for full sex until I was absolutely ready to rock (if you get my meaning). Now getting a boner when I shouldn't is the problem. I'm sure you'll be fine. Edited October 13, 2013 by Joaquin
bumpyroad Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 (edited) I would be patient if the guy was honest about why it happened. I would completely understand and try to take the pressure off for next time. If it just happened and he didn't explain, I would assume that he just doesn't find me attractive or that I did something to turn him off That's my take on it too. If I'm aware (if he tells me or if it just shows in his demeanour) that he hasn't had sex for a while, then it's understandable, and I think there's always a certain amount of natural anxiety in sleeping with someone new for the first time, which I also take into account, but after that (say 3/4 times) if he kept flopping I'd just assume I was doing something wrong or he didn't find me attractive. Edited October 13, 2013 by bumpyroad
Criticality Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I just want to figure it out before the situation arises again...sex seems to pop up spur of the moment; While drunk at a bar with a girl I know (Whiskey dick might be kicking in as well) or spontaneously on a date I suppose. It's hard to find an appropriate time to tell a girl "Hey, so when sex comes, be patient, because it's going to suck at first but but but trust me, it will get better". It just sounds like it comes off as insecure and would really turn a girl off. In that case get some Cialis... It's effective for two days after you take it, so you can be spontaneous. (No, you won't run around with a boner for two days! It'll just eh, work better when you're spontaneously excited.) Age shouldn't be a problem, just tell the doctor it's psychological, and you need a little placebo of sorts until you're back in fighting shape. Damn! I feel for you! I had a friend one time, he was early twenties, with pretty much the same problem... That **** is scary as hell! I refused to discuss it with him, and would either get up and leave or change the subject, when he started to unload on me with his limpness. Didn't want to take any chances on his cursed cock somehow being contagious. Contagious? Yup... Once that thought gets inside in your head, "uh-oh... Sure hope it gets up and stays up!" theres no easy way to get rid of it again. Your crotch will effectively have been cursed, and its game over for your blue headed partner.
Author HofbrauBock Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 Contagious? Yup... Once that thought gets inside in your head, "uh-oh... Sure hope it gets up and stays up!" theres no easy way to get rid of it again. Your crotch will effectively have been cursed, and its game over for your blue headed partner. No kidding, that's all I think about when I am in the situation and there is no hope of poping a boner while thinking about my own junk. I've told a few friends about it and they like to call me "The flacid wonder" lol. Usually there are other factors that play into it as well. Alcohol being one of the culprits, and a lot of the girls I mess with have lame boyfriends and go for me on the side(OOF!). I probably shouldn't mess around with that sort but I usually put a stop to it shortly after...they always come begging for the the limp penis of pleasure. As for quick hook-up sex, you're kinda **** out of luck If you can't get it up without feeling relaxed and comfortable with a woman then you're never going to be able to have a fast one-night-stand with someone you barely know. Just accept that and you'll be fine. I would be patient if the guy was honest about why it happened. I would completely understand and try to take the pressure off for next time. If it just happened and he didn't explain, I would assume that he just doesn't find me attractive or that I did something to turn him off I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much then. A lot of my experience has been with would-be one night stands which I try to avoid anyway. If I actually started hanging out and dating a chick, it would probably be a different story.
jrtfrisco Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I've been there before. Long story short, I didn't have problems with a long-term girlfriend of mine, but after we broke up I had a few one-night stands shortly after and during those times, sometimes I lost it. After a few bad experiences, I went to my doctor and got Cialus. I took it one night with another one-night stand type situation, and it worked wonders. It solved the problem. The problem was confidence and thinking too much about it (making it a bigger problem then it actually is). Maybe go to your doctor as well and get a sample (no more than 2 tablets)...though after the first one you should be good. I learned a lot though from that experience though. When you're with a girl, you are not "performing" for her...rather sex is a shared experience. It's done because it feels good for both partners. So with that said, first off, just relax and have as much fun as possible with it. Also, if you happen to lose your boner, don't freak out...it happens (and if anything, you can do other things to please the girl too at that time, so no worries). It even happens to porn stars (ever see a porn where there is a super hot girl and a dude with a limp dick for a little and you think, "wtf?" ...yeah, it happens to everyone). The sooner you say to yourself, "I don't care if I don't have a boner," then the sooner you will have a boner (if that makes sense). So maybe get the pills from your doctor, or not...but just remember to relax and fun with it all. If you happen to not "perform" well, blame it on the "mood" rather than yourself. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. Also this advice applies basically if you're using a condom (as at least for me, if you're doing it without one - which is ill advised unless you are in an exclusive relationship, etc. - there's less likely to be a "mood" problem), and also if you are doing one-night stands (as if you're dating a girl and you like her and visa versa, then you will "perform" better as you actually like girl and your intentions aren't solely just to have sex with her). Good luck.
jrtfrisco Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 I should also add that I took Cialus once and that was it, and that immediately after taking it I got a boner as I sat next to the girl...which meant that the "product" didn't necessarily help me get back up (as it said that it takes at least 15 or so minutes to kick in), but rather I had some sort of psychological assurance that I was good to go (a lot of pressure was taken off by merely taking it...the same result probably would have happened if I took a placebo).
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