faro Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 (edited) In a relationship with a great girl for a little under a year now. Knew her for roughly the same before dating. I don't really know how to begin. Before we dated, we had spoken about our pasts and I knew about hers, which are what I was lead to believe composed her past; relationships. Over the past year, other parts of her past have come to light; hooking up my colleague which I had my suspicions about and ONS. Recently she took a vacation and stayed 2 weeks with a male friend (sharing rooms) and has been acting a little differently since. Being very tight lipped about him on vacation (in an efforts to reduce any discomfort I may have about the sleeping arrangements), refusing to show vacation pictures until she's had a change to edit them, and has been asking if i'm going through her phone anytime I pick up her phone, which for the time of knowing her, was never an issue. I had 100% trust in her before, but I don't know anymore. In full disclosure, I realize it takes trust and strength from her end to be honest about ONS and her past and I appreciate and respect that. I can foresee the "Everyone has a past, you knew that before dating, get over it" response, but genuinely didn't know that side before and feel as though the person I had thought I was getting into a relationship with is different who I am with. Any constructive advice/comments are appreciated. Edited October 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
crederer Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Any partner that suddenly gets weird and protective of phone or computer is hiding something. Simple as that. Her past doesn't matter but her current actions are shady.
Author faro Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 See here's where the question of the past comes into play. Based off what I know about her from the time we've been together, I'd be inclined to trust her and She likes her photography and wants to share nice pictures. But based on her past, cheating is a possibility. Drugs were always a no-no. She claims to have done her share and its out of her system. Yet when a childhood friend visited those old habits returned (and no, the old friend didn't do drugs back then or during her visit). At what point do you say you take her for the person she is right now and when do you heed past actions as potential indicators of future behaviours? A counter example would be if someone has cheated before, appear faithful at the time the relationship starts, then the possibility of an affair arises. Do you disregard previous affairs?
runningfar Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 (edited) . Over the past year, other parts of her past have come to light; hooking up my colleague which I had my suspicions about and ONS. Not a problem . Recently she took a vacation and stayed 2 weeks with a male friend (sharing rooms) and has been acting a little differently since. Being very tight lipped about him on vacation , refusing to show vacation pictures until she's had a change to edit them, and has been asking if i'm going through her phone anytime I pick up her phone,. Is a problem. Her past is irrelevant. If her past was only long term relationships, the sharing rooms, acting different, would STILL be suspicious and a problem. No doubt. My fiancé is very trusting... I do not have a "past" like seems to bother some people irrationally... but he'd be LIVID about all that, and he'd be right to feel that way. Edited October 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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