Do I continue with NC?

[MLM0727]

So my ex boyfriend broke up with me after almost 5 yrs over the phone the beginning of June. We were long distant...he lives in pa and I live in Nj. He feels that I have a lot of growing to do. He got a gf a few days after breaking up with me. During the course of our initial break and through the break up and afterwards I learned a lot of who he truly is as a person. He is a liar, controller, loves playing games, manipulator, sneaky, never admits he is wrong, and everything is always about him.

 

After we broke up about 2 months later he started texting and calling me all the time and would get mad if I didn't respond. I met up with him once at his apartment just to talk about what happened with our relationship. I ended up hooking up with him but stopped him before it went any further or else we would have went all the way. I know I should not have done anything with him but I learned from it. He lied to his gf about me going to his apt so she has no idea. After everything happened I deleted him from fb and blocked his number.

 

I had my friend contact him bc I know I had a dress I left at his place. My friend told me they talked and he said that me ignoring him is as bad as him breaking up with me over the phone and thinks I should have him in my life as a motivator to grow. I knew taking control and blocking him would bother him. He obviously wants me in his life so he can keep tabs on me. I think he wants to see if I grow and see if he can fall for me again. He told my friend we can hang out together.

 

Idk if I should start talking to him again and bring him back into my life or continue NC.

Edited October 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Use paragraphs please

[dolita]

first, you want to give him the best of both worlds?

second, you said

He is a liar, controller, loves playing games, manipulator, sneaky, never admits he is wrong, and everything is always about him.

and then you said

I think he wants to see if I grow and see if he can fall for me again.

you are getting manipulated.

 

Blocking him/ignoring him isn't all about him, he is selfish thinking that way, it's just a way of saving yourself.

if everything he says and does still bothers you like this, I would suggest sticking with NC.

I see you are still having hopes and you are not ready for contact, you can let him know that you are not ready to have contact with him because you don't like acting like everything is okay and nothing has happened, and it's not because you hate him or like to irritate him like he thinks (now who needs to grow up?), and wish him the best. Be willing to walk away from the crazy scene he has created for you.

[blotter]

"He is a liar, controller, loves playing games, manipulator, sneaky, never admits he is wrong, and everything is always about him." LOL you think this is all you are worth? you are going to get jerked around by a lot of guys.

[Fufu]

Solution: Continue NC. Never mix with a liar and manipulator.

[MLM0727]

first, you want to give him the best of both worlds?

second, you said

 

and then you said

 

you are getting manipulated.

 

Blocking him/ignoring him isn't all about him, he is selfish thinking that way, it's just a way of saving yourself.

if everything he says and does still bothers you like this, I would suggest sticking with NC.

I see you are still having hopes and you are not ready for contact, you can let him know that you are not ready to have contact with him because you don't like acting like everything is okay and nothing has happened, and it's not because you hate him or like to irritate him like he thinks (now who needs to grow up?), and wish him the best. Be willing to walk away from the crazy scene he has created for you.

 

I love everything you said. It makes total sense. I do realize there are things I need to work on, but he will not admit there is anything wrong and he needs to grow when as you said it yourself, he has the most growing up to do. I need to seriously consider whether to break NC or not, but a big reason I did do the nc too is because he will be having his cake and eating it too if he gets to talk/hangout with me and have a gf. I think he thinks I will always be around to talk to or get back with if he sees i have grown and I don't want To give him that impression and I certainly don't need him to grow. Thank you for the advice!

[MLM0727]

"He is a liar, controller, loves playing games, manipulator, sneaky, never admits he is wrong, and everything is always about him." LOL you think this is all you are worth? you are going to get jerked around by a lot of guys.

 

No. I know I am worth so much more than this which is why I did what I did with the NC and I certainly don't need a guy to rely on to grow. I just wanted to get an outsiders advice.

[MLM0727]

Solution: Continue NC. Never mix with a liar and manipulator.

 

Well said.

[headinthecloud]

I do realize there are things I need to work on, but he will not admit there is anything wrong and he needs to grow when as you said it yourself, he has the most growing up to do.

 

He BU with you so all your thoughts should now be focused on you, it's not about him. No matter how much you want him to see the way things really are (as you see it) it is wasted energy and breath. You can't control him or influence his thoughts. Right now it doesn't matter what he thinks, only you matter.

 

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

 

Everytime I read this I think of the "serenity now" Seinfeld episode in these moments and it makes me smile.

 

You can't will him to change, you can only change yourself.

[MLM0727]

He BU with you so all your thoughts should now be focused on you, it's not about him. No matter how much you want him to see the way things really are (as you see it) it is wasted energy and breath. You can't control him or influence his thoughts. Right now it doesn't matter what he thinks, only you matter.

 

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference."

 

Everytime I read this I think of the "serenity now" Seinfeld episode in these moments and it makes me smile.

 

You can't will him to change, you can only change yourself.

 

Yes. You are very right. I love that quote. He told me set a goal, reach for it, and show him the change but I have nothing to prove to him and I think it scares him I can accomplish things in my life without him.

[reddragon588]

Yes. You are very right. I love that quote. He told me set a goal, reach for it, and show him the change but I have nothing to prove to him and I think it scares him I can accomplish things in my life without him.

 

It is the Serenity Prayer, and it is very powerful, whether you are religious or not the words ring true. Perseverance and successes aren’t born out of good times. They are born out of trials, and this saying helps us to remember that. Whether you view God as a higher power, or your own inner wisdom, this saying/prayer is so powerful. It reminds us that acceptance is the key to happiness, because although we have an inner drive to control our surroundings, there are many things even in our lives we do not have power over. And as long as we are trying to change things we can't control, we will be unhappy.

[MLM0727]

I unblocked my ex Thurs just to see what he was texting me. On Fri night he texted me saying hi and I never said you can't talk to me. Then he texted me saying he got what he deserved and his gf broke up with him by text. Hope it brings you some peace. I was surprised to hear she broke up with him, but maybe she is seeing who he really is as a person. I know he is saying I never said you couldn't talk to me because he wants to think that is the reason I am not contacting him, not that I am doing it by choice. Yesterday he called me. I didn't answer. I am def curious as to what he wants to tell me but at the same time I don't want to be used as someone that he thinks will always be there when he is lonely. Knowing she broke up with him over text didn't bring any peace. Even though it hurt a lot I would not wish it on anyone and seems to think I wanted that to happen. That is not me at all and I want to tell him that but at the same time it doesn't matter what he thinks. If I break nc he may try to lure me back and in his eyes he will have the control back. Any suggestions?

[Sneaky]

Keep NC and block him again. His opinions don't matter, what matters is you moving on.

 

"He is a liar, controller, loves playing games, manipulator, sneaky, never admits he is wrong, and everything is always about him. "

 

Remember this?