wanting more Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I saw xMM yesterday at a work event. I'd heard he was going to be there. I haven't seen him in over a year I left him a voicemail a few months ago telling him to never call me again or I'd call his wife. This was after he'd starting leaving messages on my work phone telling the same old lies, he loved me, wanted me but couldn't leave because of his kids. Of course after the one voicemail id left him, his BW called me again blaming me for everything. He tried coming up to me twice and I walked away. At the end of the event he walked up knowing I couldn't walk away without making a scene. He actually hugged me, I told him never touch me again, never call me again and all I feel towards him in disgust. I also wished him a long miserable life. I smiled, then walked away. People always talk about closure. Some get. Some don't. Some never need it. I didn't think I did. But I walked away smiling, this was my closure. 19
BetrayedH Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I think you did great. But it seems like you forgot something...
Author wanting more Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 This was perfect, except wishing him a miserable life. That means you still cares and now he knows. It is what it is. It felt good for me to say it 2
Author wanting more Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 Perfect! . You sound like you're in a good place.[/ I am. And it feels good to finally be here
Author wanting more Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 I think you did great. But it seems like you forgot something... It took everything in me not to kick and slap.
Author wanting more Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 You took the higher ground and what you did was enormously commendable. Now stick to what you have said and never allow him space again. It really does feel like a weight lifted. He's gone from my mind. I didn't think I'd ever get over my heart being broken the way he broke it. But I did. And I'm in a good place now. 3
hippetyhop Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I'm happy you are able to find your closure It is deserved and needed. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 We should all get to have that moment - you did well! 1
Author wanting more Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 I'm in a good place now. I really did believe we would be together. I did believe all his lies. After 2nd d-day with his BW then a month later when my BSO found out about the A I felt I was on the roller coaster to hell that just wouldn't end. The guilt, heartbreak, confusion, hate were at times more than I could handle. I hated xMM. I hated myself. I didn't R with my BSO, I was dealing with being thrown under the bus by xMM, his BW who wouldn't let up with blaming the entire A on me, then dealing with really bad times with my BSO, and my kids finding out about the A. There was so much hate, and that was something I couldn't figure out how to handle. Weeks after 2nd d-day I was still wanting to talk to xMM. I couldn't understand how someone who claimed to love me and want to be with me could just throw me out like yesterday's trash. How could I mean nothing to him? Once I understood that what he felt or thought of me didn't matter, I felt better. Who I thought he was, was not who is actually was. Things got a little calmer in my life. I was accepting my part in the A. I stopped blaming him. I accepted my responsibility. He ended up calling me months later, actually left messages In my work phone in the middle of the night, showing what a POS coward he really is. I realized when id heard his voice for he first time in months that I never wanted to her his voice again. There were no wanting, loving feelings. He'd killed that in me months earlier. It was disgust. It was aggravation. How dare he think he could just call and I'd go running back like a love sick teenager. I ignored the first few. Then called and left one on his phone telling him to never contact me agai. Or I'd tell his BW. well if you know my story, all that did was invite her back in for more games of blaming me for going after her innocent husband again. I ignored the rest of his calls, and hers. When I saw him at this event and he actually smiled as he was walking towards me, I felt pity for him (as I realized he's One fu**ed up man) and I also realized I'm the strong person I was before the A started. Id let myself become someone I didn't like during the A. I'm not her anymore. I got my closure and it feels good. I didn't expect it. I didn't wait for it. I was ok without it. But I can't lie, it feels good. And as far as me wishing he lives a miserable life. I hope he does. That doesn't mean I still have feelings for him. I think it means I've moved on. I've learned and still am learning to be Who I want to be. He's not learned anything. Which was obvious as he walked up smiling thinking we'd just talk like old friends or something. I let him know it wouldn't happen. I let him see I'm a stronger woman than he thought. I let him see I'm happy without him. And that there will never be a time he's invited back into my life.
cif Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 He's not learned anything. Which was obvious as he walked up smiling thinking we'd just talk like old friends or something. Loved everything you wrote... esp this ^^^ leaving xMM standing with his d*ck in the wind ... Pretty much sums up the mentality of WS (most?) who have reconciled with no consequences. His BS is classic, and lazy, to put all the blame on you. You did great and so happy for your progress! 1
Recommended Posts