Hoax Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 So after going no contact for almost a year, my ex contacted me out of the blue. I responded, though I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. We got talking, he visited me, things were like old times but sort of different too. In some ways our relationship is better, but I don't have the same obsessive love as old. I am more level-headed now I guess? In a way it's disappointing because that manic passion was part of what I liked so much and missed so much, so to return to that which I had so pined over and find it different anyway is quite an enlightening experience. I guess we romanticise the past, not realising as we do so that we as people have far moved on from that point. I'm not sure if this will last. It has all been a very strange journey for me. Anyway, I don't mean to give people false hope but I know that there are common complaints on here about there never being any success stories. So here is my sort-of-success-story. 4
Author Hoax Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 Time away allows you to loosen up. Very true. I think there is an element of reverse psychology to getting your ex back. He only wanted me when I was pretty ambivalent about him!
Mariposa10 Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 What did he say that he wanted to give it another try? How long were you together and what was the reason of the breakup?
BC1980 Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Very true. I think there is an element of reverse psychology to getting your ex back. He only wanted me when I was pretty ambivalent about him! Most of my past exes did come back around at some point, but I wasn't intetested by that time. I don't know if it would have turned into anything or if they were just bored. Either way, none if them were very serious relationships like my most recent ex. Men do love to chase it seems:-) 3
Author Hoax Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 What did he say that he wanted to give it another try? How long were you together and what was the reason of the breakup? We were together for about 9 months, but we had known each other for a year or so before that. We just got talking really. He kind of overtly said that he didn't want to get back together because he was afraid of hurting my feelings but I was at a point where I felt like I could handle it and I wasn't so crazy about him. We just joked and flirted and talked and then it got to the point where he said he wanted to visit and I guess that was that. The reason for the breakup was that I moved away from him and I had developed a really codependent relationship with him, and I think he had withdrawn emotionally. I was his first girlfriend and I was only 18 when we first got together and he was 21. I also want to add that I'm really grateful to everyone on this site, for all of the great advice, and even the bad advice too. You guys are awesome and helped me through some very dark times (:
Fufu Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 (edited) True blessings to both of you I personally won't call it as getting our exes back (because we don't want people who are grieving now to have false hope that their exes will come back to them because the truth is no one will know) I think for your case (as well as for mine, I got back with an ex that I dated 8 years ago), I feel that this is what I called there is still fate with our partners. Edited October 14, 2013 by Fufu
thora-tiki Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Congratulations, buddy! I am so happy for you! Just take it slow - this is a new relationship, not a continuation of the old one - and have fun. Thank you for coming back and sharing.
harrybrown Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Good for both of you. Maybe you can find some ways to fan the flame.
BC1980 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 I think it definitely has a better chance because NC was extended. That way, you have enough distance to make a rational decision. You aren't getting back together due to loneliness or nostalgia. Good luck to you!
Marn1 Posted October 19, 2013 Posted October 19, 2013 How did he contact you and what was the progression/ how did you handle it?
BrightHope Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 Hoax - thank you for taking the time to check in and let us know what's up. Sounds like you are very rational about it. Good luck!
lindsay1990 Posted October 25, 2013 Posted October 25, 2013 We were together for about 9 months, but we had known each other for a year or so before that. We just got talking really. He kind of overtly said that he didn't want to get back together because he was afraid of hurting my feelings but I was at a point where I felt like I could handle it and I wasn't so crazy about him. We just joked and flirted and talked and then it got to the point where he said he wanted to visit and I guess that was that. The reason for the breakup was that I moved away from him and I had developed a really codependent relationship with him, and I think he had withdrawn emotionally. I was his first girlfriend and I was only 18 when we first got together and he was 21. I also want to add that I'm really grateful to everyone on this site, for all of the great advice, and even the bad advice too. You guys are awesome and helped me through some very dark times (: I'm glad to read you feeling positively and in control of your feelings about this development, but I don't understand: are you back together or not? In any case, best of luck :)
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