Going Dark....I need a break

[TheBladeRunner]

I had my last date this afternoon at lunch, it was nice, she was nice, but no real connection. I have been doing several things over the last 6 months or so to try to meet someone and after 21 dates I just can't take it anymore.

 

As far as OLD goes, I don't think I will ever go back to that again. I am not perfect and I am not looking for perfect but all I am getting from OLD is woman that don't look like their profile and/or they have personal issues that are so serious that frankly if I was in that position I would not even be dating. Like I said, I am not perfect, but the emotional problems regarding their "EX" were pretty intense sometimes. Some were good at hiding this at the beginning, but after seeing them awhile that's all I would hear about.

 

I did another thing just to see how it would go using a service here in town and that has been a huge disappointment as well. They are doing what they said they would do, but it's been the equivalent of just going on blind dates. I have again met some nice woman that way, but no real attraction. I need to point out that I am NOT looking for Barbie either, I certainly am no Ken .

 

Last I have done IRL cold approach and although it works pretty well at time, I run into a lot of woman that although there was maybe a physical attraction, we just don't click.

 

I think dating in general is hard for all of us, but these days I find it extremely challenging no matter what "front" you are trying. Rather than get aggravated I think I'm going to take a break for awhile. Thanks for letting me vent.

[coolheadal]

Best to take a break from dating.. Go some place you never thought of going prior. Yes a lot of women had bad experiences from their EX. I've spoken to many and they are not what I would deem for a good relationship. I pride myself to be positive and to many are too negative and true they can't help it being that way. Abusive marriages will produce some odd dates. Sounds like your meeting the wrong type of women. Whatever you do don't use dating agencies, they will never find the right women and the cost with them is higher. Why don't you get yourself some tickets and file to one of the islands you never know who you might run into. But you do need a change of your current situation though. Sound worn out and which can be negative side to your well being. Need that change to stay balance and clear minded. More positive.

[MalachiX]

Nothing wrong with taking a break from dating.

 

I did recently and it's been great. I spent so much energy over the summer trying to meet someone that I didn't leave much space for me. Now I'm having a great time reconnecting with old friends and enjoying my own personal life. I think when I feel ready to date again, I'll have a much more positive view of my life and be more secure in myself. I think too often we try to date to fill some gap in ourselves which can be a big mistake.

[TheBladeRunner]

Best to take a break from dating.. Go some place you never thought of going prior. Yes a lot of women had bad experiences from their EX. I've spoken to many and they are not what I would deem for a good relationship. I pride myself to be positive and to many are too negative and true they can't help it being that way. Abusive marriages will produce some odd dates. Sounds like your meeting the wrong type of women. Whatever you do don't use dating agencies, they will never find the right women and the cost with them is higher. Why don't you get yourself some tickets and file to one of the islands you never know who you might run into. But you do need a change of your current situation though. Sound worn out and which can be negative side to your well being. Need that change to stay balance and clear minded. More positive.

 

Thanks Al, that's exactly how I feel.....worn out. I figured it was time to take a break when I was dreading the last few dates I've been on. You are right about the agency, that has not been very fruitful and yes, it was expensive.

[TheBladeRunner]

I think too often we try to date to fill some gap in ourselves which can be a big mistake.

 

Ya' know Malachi.......you may be right! Not sure what's happening to me, but lately I have been a little lonely which is not like me.

[pyramid]

lately I have been a little lonely which is not like me.

 

That was when I knew I needed a break. I felt like I was getting addicted to the attention, and I didn't like that feeling. It was really helpful to take a breather and not feel like I needed to spend all my time on OLD sites or wherever. I was ready to jump back in once I felt like myself again.

[mammasita]

I think that's a great point. Whenever I felt like I "needed" to meet someone, I found losers and douchebags and so kinda took a break to regroup.

 

Most recently, I've been pretty happy and content in all areas of my life and went back to OLD and finally met someone that I hit it off with extremely well. We've been seeing eachother going on about 5 weeks now.

[truth_seeker]

I think that's a great point. Whenever I felt like I "needed" to meet someone, I found losers and douchebags and so kinda took a break to regroup.

 

Most recently, I've been pretty happy and content in all areas of my life and went back to OLD and finally met someone that I hit it off with extremely well. We've been seeing eachother going on about 5 weeks now.

 

Curious, what do you mean by losers and douchebags? I only ask as this girl I know complained for the longest time all she ever meets are losers, and I asked her: How is it that every guy you meet is a loser?

 

Is it because they do not meet your standards?

[mammasita]

Curious, what do you mean by losers and douchebags? I only ask as this girl I know complained for the longest time all she ever meets are losers, and I asked her: How is it that every guy you meet is a loser?

 

Is it because they do not meet your standards?

 

I mean loser like grown men that think coming to my house and watching a movie is a proper first date.....

[truth_seeker]

I mean loser like grown men that think coming to my house and watching a movie is a proper first date.....

 

Those are guys looking to get into your pants.

[mammasita]

Those are guys looking to get into your pants.

 

Agreed. Maybe loser isn't a good label.

[Pod81]

I completely understand where you're coming from. After 160+ messages sent out over the last 3 months (all non-generic, funny messages that show I read their profiles), only 6 actual dates, and 2 promising ones that ended up with the girl flaking out or fading out, I am completely burnt out from it altogether. It got to the point where I had very little motivation to call the last 2 girls who gave me their phone number because I almost expected them to flake at some point anyway. It's just almost impossible to stay positive with those kind of results. I've since disabled my account and decided to take at least a couple months break to get over the frustration of OLD. Honestly, it is a small blow to the ego, but these results are almost to be expected as a guy who does OLD - provided that you don't look like an Abercrombie model with an 8 pack and a 6 digit salary. When you're ready and worked out the frustrations, try again when there's a new batch of women online!

[TheBladeRunner]

Last date was Friday night....let's just say I didn't have my hopes up. We meet, she is nice, seems normal, and is attractive. We spend 3 hours together and have what I think is a great time and great conversation.

 

I e-mail her the next day as I know she has her child just to say thanks for a great evening......STILL not even a thanks for picking up the tab. Even if it was a thanks "but"..... Would have been fine. But not even that.

 

I just get tired of trying to get a "read" on what people want anymore. I'm good by myself and I will return if I so choose when I am ready, but for now, I am done!

 

You guys are the best for your comments and support!

[TheBladeRunner]

I completely understand where you're coming from. After 160+ messages sent out over the last 3 months (all non-generic, funny messages that show I read their profiles), only 6 actual dates, and 2 promising ones that ended up with the girl flaking out or fading out, I am completely burnt out from it altogether. It got to the point where I had very little motivation to call the last 2 girls who gave me their phone number because I almost expected them to flake at some point anyway. It's just almost impossible to stay positive with those kind of results. I've since disabled my account and decided to take at least a couple months break to get over the frustration of OLD. Honestly, it is a small blow to the ego, but these results are almost to be expected as a guy who does OLD - provided that you don't look like an Abercrombie model with an 8 pack and a 6 digit salary. When you're ready and worked out the frustrations, try again when there's a new batch of women online!

 

Before I comment can I get an order of the "Chity Chicken"? Love the avatar! I so get what you are saying, I got to a point where even when I am getting dates, I really don't want to even deal with it anymore. It is a blow to your ego, the biggest blow (to my ego) so far is a woman that has a kid my kids age (young) and we are both in our later forties. It seems we have so much in common, we go out, she sends off ALL the signals, and in the end would rather be with a 28 YO (FWB). I guess if that's what floats her boat that is her thing......but why all the signals like she likes me? Ah well, what do ya' do?

[Pod81]

Before I comment can I get an order of the "Chity Chicken"? Love the avatar! I so get what you are saying, I got to a point where even when I am getting dates, I really don't want to even deal with it anymore. It is a blow to your ego, the biggest blow (to my ego) so far is a woman that has a kid my kids age (young) and we are both in our later forties. It seems we have so much in common, we go out, she sends off ALL the signals, and in the end would rather be with a 28 YO (FWB). I guess if that's what floats her boat that is her thing......but why all the signals like she likes me? Ah well, what do ya' do?

 

Haha thanks. Yeah man, sh-t happens! This is why online dating usually favors women over men. Most of them have the "kid in a candy store" mentality. They'll be interested in you, but as soon as there's someone they're even slightly more interested in (and you know they're getting slammed with attention left and right), you're completely expendable. This is why there's more flakes online than the cereal aisle at your local supermarket. Trust me, I've met my share of women who have acted interested one week, then either cancel dates or hardly respond to any of my calls/texts the following week. I've learned that OLD truly is a time-consuming process. You have to sift through all the garbage to (hopefully) get to that one diamond. Question is - is it worth the effort and patience?

[mammasita]

Last date was Friday night....let's just say I didn't have my hopes up. We meet, she is nice, seems normal, and is attractive. We spend 3 hours together and have what I think is a great time and great conversation.

 

I e-mail her the next day as I know she has her child just to say thanks for a great evening......STILL not even a thanks for picking up the tab. Even if it was a thanks "but"..... Would have been fine. But not even that.

 

I just get tired of trying to get a "read" on what people want anymore. I'm good by myself and I will return if I so choose when I am ready, but for now, I am done!

 

You guys are the best for your comments and support!

 

I mean, do these women not say thank you the evening of? Were they raised by wolves? Sheesh.

[TheBladeRunner]

I mean, do these women not say thank you the evening of? Were they raised by wolves? Sheesh.

 

Most do, and yes, even the last one did. What gets me is the no response after; to be honest Mammasita, I'd rather she say it was fun, but no match. It's the no response that baffles me.

[deathandtaxes]

I completely understand where you're coming from. After 160+ messages sent out over the last 3 months (all non-generic, funny messages that show I read their profiles), only 6 actual dates, and 2 promising ones that ended up with the girl flaking out or fading out, I am completely burnt out from it altogether. It got to the point where I had very little motivation to call the last 2 girls who gave me their phone number because I almost expected them to flake at some point anyway. It's just almost impossible to stay positive with those kind of results. I've since disabled my account and decided to take at least a couple months break to get over the frustration of OLD. Honestly, it is a small blow to the ego, but these results are almost to be expected as a guy who does OLD - provided that you don't look like an Abercrombie model with an 8 pack and a 6 digit salary. When you're ready and worked out the frustrations, try again when there's a new batch of women online!

 

Oh man, that's a lot of work for not much return. My experiences with OLD haven't been that bad. I jumped back into match a few weeks ago. Started sending out e-mails everyday. It took two weeks to get a first date. And I had three more first dates within the next seven days, and a second date.

 

The first lady hasn't expressed much interest since the first date, although she said her availability would be crap for a bit because she was having houseguests. Oh well.

 

The second lady was a fun first and second date. Talked a lot each date and I made a move to kiss at the end of the second. But she warned me up front that she's getting over some guy. And we talked a few days later and she's just not feeling it.

 

The third - ah the third - we hit it off very well. And I get a goodnight kiss. And we make plans for a week later (which is tomorrow night!) She works odd hours so dating her may be difficult, but she is cute and curvy and might be fun. I am really looking forward to seeing this one again.

 

And the fourth - a little younger than I usually go for. Six years younger. I think she might party too much for me. We have seen each other three times. It has gotten quite physical. But I think we're at different parts in our lives. She's fun, but just too much.

 

So its effin crazy what can happen with OLD! And I don't even consider myself that good-looking. Probably average at best. But I'm barely six feet tall and make decent money (not six digits), so that *might* help.

 

This is my third go around on match. Each time it takes a lot of messages sent to try and get anything going. I don't wait to long in an exchange to ask to meet up. But if I ever waited on any women contacting me first, I would be waiting forever. But I do agree it is very, very time consuming. But I guess that's the price you pay if you want to meet up with somebody?

[deathandtaxes]

I e-mail her the next day as I know she has her child just to say thanks for a great evening......STILL not even a thanks for picking up the tab. Even if it was a thanks "but"..... Would have been fine. But not even that.

 

That just sucks! That's just basic politeness. This recent go around, each time my date offered to at least pay for herself. Which is very, very touching. So her are you going out with? Is it geography? I'm in Tennessee, so maybe it's a southern thing here to be nice and gracious and offer to pay for yourself?

[TheBladeRunner]

That just sucks! That's just basic politeness. This recent go around, each time my date offered to at least pay for herself. Which is very, very touching. So her are you going out with? Is it geography? I'm in Tennessee, so maybe it's a southern thing here to be nice and gracious and offer to pay for yourself?

 

Ya' know, I don't mind paying, and this last one said thanks when I walked her to her car. It was the message the next day and NO response. The hard part is that I was seeing all the "signs" that it was going well. I am a grown man and I would rather of had something like "thanks for the drinks, it was fun, but we are just not a match". And BTW, STILL no response 5 days later.

 

I have had several dates with woman that look nothing like their profile and this is a deal breaker for me. They will message me or I will tell them at the end of the date that it's just not a match. I don't do it to be a jerk, but I think I should be honest.

Edited October 15, 2013 by TheBladeRunner
Adding content

[deathandtaxes]

Ya' know, I don't mind paying, and this last one said thanks when I walked her to her car. It was the message the next day and NO response. The hard part is that I was seeing all the "signs" that it was going well. I am a grown man and I would rather of had something like "thanks for the drinks, it was fun, but we are just not a match". And BTW, STILL no response 5 days later.

 

I have had several dates with woman that look nothing like their profile and this is a deal breaker for me. They will message me or I will tell them at the end of the date that it's just not a match. I don't do it to be a jerk, but I think I should be honest.

 

Five days since that date? Did you ask her out at the end of that date?

 

I have had some pleasant surprises when it comes to how the women look. Maybe I'm not shooting for the best looking women. And I try to be very realistic when it comes to what they're trying to convey in their pics. No full body pics? Flag. Made up in every pic? Flag. Selfie? Flag. I think one selfie is probably one too many. No friends to take pics?

 

OLD is just crazy. Don't blame you for wanting to bail for a while, OP. Not at all.

[TheBladeRunner]

Five days since that date? Did you ask her out at the end of that date?

 

I have had some pleasant surprises when it comes to how the women look. Maybe I'm not shooting for the best looking women. And I try to be very realistic when it comes to what they're trying to convey in their pics. No full body pics? Flag. Made up in every pic? Flag. Selfie? Flag. I think one selfie is probably one too many. No friends to take pics?

 

OLD is just crazy. Don't blame you for wanting to bail for a while, OP. Not at all.

 

I did ask her out at the end and she said yes! That's what I don't get.....maybe I have a wart on my forehead I am missing .

 

As far as the pics, I always ask if they are current and they say yes. I find this is 50/50. Something else happened w/ an IRL woman I met as well; we have so much in common and again, it seemed like there was something there. The reaching across the table to touch each-others hand, the looks, the conversation.......then I get friend-zoned. Turns out that although she is in her late 40's, she'd rather be with a 30 year old. It was tough on my ego.

 

Both date scenarios happened within a week of each other. When you get to the point where you have been out as much as I have, you would think you would find something. Not really bitter, but I am worn out.

 

The hard part is that I figured (stupid me) that it had to be easier in my forties; it is not, there is soooooo much more to deal with now. "She'll" show up one of these days, that I am hopeful of. I just need to take a break and be patient.

[deathandtaxes]

I did ask her out at the end and she said yes! That's what I don't get.....maybe I have a wart on my forehead I am missing .

 

As far as the pics, I always ask if they are current and they say yes. I find this is 50/50. Something else happened w/ an IRL woman I met as well; we have so much in common and again, it seemed like there was something there. The reaching across the table to touch each-others hand, the looks, the conversation.......then I get friend-zoned. Turns out that although she is in her late 40's, she'd rather be with a 30 year old. It was tough on my ego.

 

Both date scenarios happened within a week of each other. When you get to the point where you have been out as much as I have, you would think you would find something. Not really bitter, but I am worn out.

 

The hard part is that I figured (stupid me) that it had to be easier in my forties; it is not, there is soooooo much more to deal with now. "She'll" show up one of these days, that I am hopeful of. I just need to take a break and be patient.

 

Oh man. She said yes and then went silent? That's so cold. Sorry man, these two dates...that has to sting. What can a 30 yeard old offer a lady in her late 40's besides some hot sex? I hear ya on being worn out. Dating takes a lot of time and effort. And when the return is what you're describing...ouch.

 

What age range have you been shooting for? I'm 35 and still trying to figure out the age range myself. Been out with as young as 29 and as old as 45. The 29 year old was a little too wild for my tastes. While I had fun with the 45 year old, I think she was looking for somebody more established and older than herself. I suppose I was her fling lol!!

[TheBladeRunner]

Oh man. She said yes and then went silent? That's so cold. Sorry man, these two dates...that has to sting. What can a 30 yeard old offer a lady in her late 40's besides some hot sex? I hear ya on being worn out. Dating takes a lot of time and effort. And when the return is what you're describing...ouch.

 

What age range have you been shooting for? I'm 35 and still trying to figure out the age range myself. Been out with as young as 29 and as old as 45. The 29 year old was a little too wild for my tastes. While I had fun with the 45 year old, I think she was looking for somebody more established and older than herself. I suppose I was her fling lol!!

 

Thanks man!!!!! It did sting a little. I shoot for 36 to 56 as I am 46 and willing to go 10 years either way. I will only date single moms as well because I am a single dad with 50% custody. Thanks for the back up with the....ah heck my crush.....on the woman my age. The cool thing was our kids are the same age (5) witch is VERY rare at our age. All the looks, the touching, and the intimate talk....UGH! I just don't get it. all I can say is "good luck with the kid (she is poning)".

 

I am not like Harrison Ford, my avatar, but I am a decent looking guy, I am self employed and not only do I do well, I love what I do, and I have NO DRAMA.....I mean NONE regarding the divorce. Not only that but I have my daughter 50% of the time so I DO HAVE time to date. I live on my own, I have a car.....and it's new, I pay my bills, and I respect woman.

 

Not to blow my own horn, but this "ain't me", it's them.....but maybe it IS me.....

 

One thing they have all had in common is MAJOR personal stuff they have NOT dealt with......and I have to admit, that may be on me . Hey, we all have our trials, but some of the personal stuff I have heard about over the last few months is pretty heavy.

 

I can say I am a good man, I feel that I am. The thing that proves to ME that I am is the fact that I waited for a lot of my heavy lifting regarding the divorce to be over before I set out to meet someone.

 

All I can say to you D&T is this "Ah, to be 35 again".......ha ha ha......it wasn't easy then either (for me), but easier than now!

[MalachiX]

I think what you have to come to terms with is that online is a different world which tends to lack basic notions of civility. That's going to happen by it's very nature because the thing online gives most people is anomimity. You don't know the people you are chatting with/dating. You NEVER have to see them again.

 

This has it's pros and cons. On the plus side, shy people may feel more comfortable reaching out to someone because there's no risk of being rejected and running into the person later. You're also able to end a relationship without fallout from mutual friends.

 

The downside to this "freedom" is that many people don't feel bound by traditional views of decency. The thought is, "I don't know this person so there are no consequences if I just stop talking to him without any explanation." To be fair, this "freedom" also can be frustrating for women who get a million vulgar messages in their box (some of which are so sexually preditory as to be vaguely threatening).

 

The bottom line is that some people believe being in an online environment means they no longer have to act like human beings. This isn't unique to dating. Just look at some of the nasty posts you find on these boards. Most of the people who spout hateful crap online would never dare do it in real life for fear of the repercussions.