Edwar36 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 So I left the country on a study grant. My girlfriend is staying in the states. I'm in Eastern Europe, working on a project that leaves me with a lot of free time. My girlfriend is younger than me, and incredibly motivated and driven. I think my interest in working intensely has faded, it's difficult for me to see the point, at least in my current situation. I've been struggling with apathy and depressed feelings, and am now jealous of my girlfriends success back home. She is always busy, and I'm almost always free. That means she sends an email or a text and I respond immediately, and it takes her much longer. I'm trying to pace my texts and emails, not send them right away, but I'm having such a hard time coping with the distance and the feeling that I may be wasting my time here, and that soon enough she'll want to be with someone else. On top of that I know my insecurity has to be so unattractive. I try masking it so she doesn't have to deal with it and it just seems to make me feel worse, even angry at her. But if I talk about it I likely just come accross as needy and insecure, which will likely repel her. I don't know what to do. Only a week ago we were talking about how we would want to move in together when I get back, but now I'm so jealous and frustrated, and mad at her that I want to break up. I don't know what to do.
swordsmen121 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 You shouldn't be jealous of her. Remember you have your own set of goals and issues to deal with. You need to settle down and mentally break away from the people around you just so you can focus on yourself. You're getting nothing by being jealous about all this. You're clearly anxious and depressed which I understand. But at the end of the day you need to find a way to deal with these emotions. I personally use a journal to focus on the positives around me as a coping method.
Author Edwar36 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Thanks a lot for the response. You're totally right. I did a little self analysis and realized that I don't need to be in this relationship, by that I mean if it ends, I'm not going to die. So I don't need constant attention, and shouldn't be looking for signs that my girlfriend may not love me. It's irrational to expect someone to respond to you exactly when you want or as often as you want. I shouldn't care if she wants to dump me because I'm a loser, hell, she might, but that's okay, and if I keep worrying about being a loser she's only more likely to do so. It's better to just actively love her, and accept that one days she may not. This attitude is really working and makes me feel fine if she doesn't respond to an email right away. But here's a new issue. She constantly says "I don't know" about how she feels. This has gone on almost as soon as we first met. It's like she has no access to her mind at all, or is always lying and withholding. I've been to therapy, so I'm particularly good at describing my emotions and thoughts, but I can't figure out what's going on. Is it possible for someone to just feel an emotion, like sadness, and be completely incapable of knowing what triggered it? This is especially tough now because I used to just comfort her with physical touch but now all we have is words and she doesn't know how to use them.
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