masajus Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 HI, my name is Audrius. I'm 23 years old now. I failed to find a girlfriend about 15 times. And I beginning to fall in to the deed dark depression pit. I'm not handsome, more like below average, kinda shy and i don't like to talk so much. In School i was "nobody" and i thous it will change after i go to collage but i was wrong im still nobody and invisible to girls. All girls just ignored me after first meeting. So i lost hope. Am I loser?
theothersully Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Just keep at it. I was exactly like you. Started life as a major computer guy, loved Star Trek and Dr Who, then went to school for Physics and Computer Science. Needless to say, I wasn't very confident or successful early on. Even at 23, I was just learning. What you need to do is read some and get comfortable talking. I wasn't comfortable talking either. The way to get over that is to force yourself to talk. Take public speaking courses. Get up in front of crowds, petrified and just do it. Go right up to girls and just do it. To hell with what happens after (there will always be more girls to go up to). Just make yourself uncomfortable by confronting your fears and they will slowly go away. Also, looks don't matter too much. Just keep your appearance up, working with what you have, dress well and start talking to people. Before you know it, you'll be to the point where you ask a girl out and set it up (via text). When you are actually on the date or out at the party or whatever with her, find out all about her. Don't pepper her with tons of questions but ask about things that seem interesting. Ask about family. Her roommates. Regular stuff like that. The only reason you are invisible is because you are not making an effort to be visible. You are likely (if my own life is any guide) to just be too nervous to take the initiative. Girls like to be led. Not forced, but led. Also, don't put off any creepy vibes. Being quiet and shy can sometimes be misundertood. Take my high school ex. She was a cheerleader (no idea how a computer dork pulled that one off... ha ha ha) but she was quiet and shy. She was very pretty and everyone mistook her quietness and shyness for her being a stuck up snob, when in reality, she was just too shy to talk to people. The same could be happening with you. Just get out there and converse. Things will change very quickly and you'll find you have a lot of options.
Joaquin Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) 15 knock backs is a great start. It's good to have them under your belt. It'll make the next 15 easier. Keep going bro. Edited October 12, 2013 by Joaquin
Maxtor Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 For real, have you tried martial arts or bodybuilding? I know really ugly guys that have nice bodies and since they can also fight, their confidence is pretty much high. They can get almost any girl.
CrazyAlex Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Where are you from? I'm asking because you talk in a very strange way, so if English is indeed your first language, the problem is definitely not your looks.
hppr Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 15 knock backs is a great start. It's good to have them under your belt. It'll make the next 15 easier. Keep going bro. What he said. GO GO GO don't stop it gets better eventually.
Andy S Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Just keep at it. What you need to do is read some and get comfortable talking. I wasn't comfortable talking either. The way to get over that is to force yourself to talk. Take public speaking courses. Get up in front of crowds, petrified and just do it. Go right up to girls and just do it. To hell with what happens after (there will always be more girls to go up to). Just make yourself uncomfortable by confronting your fears and they will slowly go away. Also, looks don't matter too much. Just keep your appearance up, working with what you have, dress well and start talking to people. Before you know it, you'll be to the point where you ask a girl out and set it up (via text). Total agree you just need to stop putting yourself down by what's happened in the past and find your confidence. A public speaking course is a great idea as will help give you that belief and speaking practice, my friend used - HighImpactSpeaking.net | Become a High Impact Speaker Put yourself out there and start talking to people, you will get more comfortable the more you do it. Good luck
Kate9292 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 HI, my name is Audrius. I'm 23 years old now. I failed to find a girlfriend about 15 times. And I beginning to fall in to the deed dark depression pit. I'm not handsome, more like below average, kinda shy and i don't like to talk so much. In School i was "nobody" and i thous it will change after i go to collage but i was wrong im still nobody and invisible to girls. All girls just ignored me after first meeting. So i lost hope. Am I loser? No offense, but I find it kinda funny how you put it. How did you "fail to find a girlfriend"? And why exactly do you feel the need to count it? Is that you in avatar? If yes, then you are actually kind of cute I think these girls ignore you because of your depression. You need to work on it. It's honestly a shame when you see a cute guy then you find out he is depressed or very pessimistic...
kassy Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Agree with all the above posters. If that is you in the Avatar you are pretty cute. Go out and find some fun in your life. Being single can be fun. When you like yourself and your life and have the guts to keep chatting and asking girls out it will get better. And do make sure you look after yourself. I would say if you like any sport do it, lots of good comes from the endorphins and also the self confidence. But also girls who do say running also tend to like guys builds who run. Etc etc
jba10582 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 You did not fail. You succeeded in finding 15 girls that you have moved on from.
Shepp Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Out of interest do you say that like "Oar-dre-us"? Anyway - can I be really really straight brother?... If that's you in the Avatar I would suggest nice, sharp looking hair cut, nothing fussy, just nice and smart Yeah? What are you passionate about? Anything will do but what makes you interesting! Sport? Anything you would be interested in getting in to? football, rock climbing, cannoning anything? Plus running. ANYBODY can get fit and physical fitness can pick up a lot of slack in the dating world and make you more confident. How much do you smile? Smile lots and laugh easily - even when its not that funny. It puts people at ease. You don't have to magically be confident just fake it till you make it. Whats the worst that can happen? You said you've been knocked back right - well its okay isn't it? your still here! Its all good! Finally, and most importantly, why would a girl date you if you wouldn't date yourself? What ever you say about your self will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. You need to sell yourself brother not put yourself down. You need to decide what image you want to project - girls will buy it and in the end so will you. If you want to be 'somebody' in a strangers eyes then you have to start with being a 'somebody' in your own! Do something that makes you proud to be you - run a marathon, climb a mountain, master an instrument, volunteer with kids....what ever makes you tick.
BlametheIrish Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) If I were 23 I'd definitely be interested, as I've always had a soft spot for shy guys You are above average in looks and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Most women do want a confident man, a man who makes them feel comfortable in their presence. I'm guessing it would be hard to make a woman feel comfortable talking to you if you're not even comfortable in your own skin. I used to be quite insecure about my looks in my younger years even though men approached me on a very frequent basis. I came to realize that there would always be something about myself I wish I could change but if I didn't accept myself for who I was, then I was bound to lead a very sad and disappointing life. So I stopped obsessing over the things I couldn't change and worked on the things I could change giving me more inner confidence and happiness in general. Dont approach women thinking you're unworthy of them. Approach them with the intention of finding out uf they're worthy enough of you. Attitude is everything my friend Edited November 14, 2013 by BlametheIrish
Recommended Posts