nomadic_butterfly Posted November 16, 2013 Posted November 16, 2013 Thank you. I ended things not because he's "taking so long" but more because I don't think he really was going to move out. I don't believe it anymore. I blocked him on facebook specifically so that I would not have to see his profile anymore. I don't want to see the pictures of him and his girlfriend.. Hmm..well regardless of how "rocky" their relationship is, it is not prudent to voluntarily be the rebound girl. I know you have strong feelings for him but he still will have to process, accept and confront his breakup within himself. Jumping from one relationship from another is like a bandaid to the wound; it will only cover it for a while but there's still a cut/scar/bruise underneath. He also needs to be more decisive. I would be hesitant to start something with a double minded person. He can leave if he truly wants to. Something still keeps him with his gf. Maybe you represent safety? I think the best thing you did was nc. you don't want to be strung along ad infinitum. You deserve respect and commitment. Not to be treated as an option or back-up plan. If you do decide to date in the future make sure no stone is unturned with his ex and that you make him "work for it" or else he will not truly value/respect you. Good luck!
Author Phoe Posted November 16, 2013 Author Posted November 16, 2013 Thanks nomad. Truth be told I'm still in a lot of pain over him. Even though I'm so angry and would to tell him to kick rocks if he called me right now, the honest truth is that I want him so badly. I really do.
almond Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 His main reason for moving in with her is because he got a job opportunity in a nearby town. He could not pass it up. I personally believe that he also did hope that moving in with her after I'd taken off the first time would help patch things up between them. But no matter how much I pester him on this, he insists it is not true, and his job is the only thing that led to the move in. I'm still iffy on it. That's even worse - what disgusting behaviour! To string along a long term partner just to use them for a convenient place to stay is absolutely abhorrent. That poor girl. Whether or not he is telling the truth re: his motivation behind moving in with her, one thing still remains clear - this guy is a selfish arsehole. Don't fall for the smooth talk. I wouldn't touch this guy with a ten foot barge pole, and neither should you. Be thankful that you dodged this one. I hope that once you get over the initial hurt, that you become strong enough to tell him to **** off if he ever does decide to hit you up as his second preference.
Author Phoe Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 That's even worse - what disgusting behaviour! To string along a long term partner just to use them for a convenient place to stay is absolutely abhorrent. That poor girl. It's interesting, he said the exact same thing about himself the last time we spoke. How he thinks he's such a horrible person for using her for financial reasons, for staying with her solely so he can have this place to live, so he can keep this job in that town, so that he can pay for his schooling. He's absolutely sickened with himself and can't believe he's acting this way. He feels like he's losing himself and is not the person he used to be. He doesn't know this person he's become, but he blames the toxic relationship with her as the reason for why he's become this unrecognizable version of himself. He definitely is not acting like the man I know. I grew up with him. He's behaving very out of character and almost seems manic, desperate, irrational. Although he wants out of his relationship he does care about her. He doesn't wish harm on her and hates himself more and more as time passes and he leads her into a dead end path, and also hates himself for the rollercoaster he put me through. Not only as a woman he cared for and saw a future with, but as his closest friend from childhood. He is in a very bad place right now. He needs to fix himself... and sadly I cannot be there for him. He actually toyed with the idea of therapy to find out why he does the things he does. Nobody wins in a scenario like this. It is very very sad no matter how you look at it.
almond Posted November 17, 2013 Posted November 17, 2013 he blames the toxic relationship with her as the reason for why he's become this unrecognizable version of himself. Until he takes responsibility for his own person, then he will not grow or change. How very typical of him to blame his behaviour on his "toxic" relationship and terrible, crazy girlfriend...that he chose to move in with and chooses to stay with/use for his own selfish gain/whatever else. And you're right - it's definitely a sad situation. He's got two girls in tailspins, and in quite a bit of pain. And the cause of it? His selfishness and indecisiveness. If anything is toxic about this story, it's him. Good luck with the healing process - you'll get there soon! NC all the way though...don't put yourself through any more of this. 1
Author Phoe Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Welp, I've found out something that proves all the things he has told me are complete garbage. He said he had to postpone moving out because he had to tap into his savings to send his mom money. He said it would take some time to build the savings back up so that he'd have enough money for first/last months rent and deposit. GUESS WHO JUST BOUGHT A CAR? Yep. All that money saving to move out is going well for him. pfft. What was the point of hauling all his stuff up here in a uhaul last month??? He already has a car. I knew he WANTED a 2nd one, but that's obviously far from necessary. He wanted the 2nd car more than he wanted me, apparently. Still reeling from the realization that the one person I trusted in this world, more than any other person, ever.... lied to me. The person who's been my friend longer than any other person, knows me better than my own mother, completely played me for a fool. I am so angry it's made me dizzy, I feel nauseated and shaky, I can't even feel my fingers right now they're so ice cold. I started tearing up but god damn it I am not about to cry because of him again. Phoe's a *****in idiot. Wooohoo.
GatsbyMH Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Welp, I've found out something that proves all the things he has told me are complete garbage. He said he had to postpone moving out because he had to tap into his savings to send his mom money. He said it would take some time to build the savings back up so that he'd have enough money for first/last months rent and deposit. GUESS WHO JUST BOUGHT A CAR? Yep. All that money saving to move out is going well for him. pfft. What was the point of hauling all his stuff up here in a uhaul last month??? He already has a car. I knew he WANTED a 2nd one, but that's obviously far from necessary. He wanted the 2nd car more than he wanted me, apparently. Still reeling from the realization that the one person I trusted in this world, more than any other person, ever.... lied to me. The person who's been my friend longer than any other person, knows me better than my own mother, completely played me for a fool. I am so angry it's made me dizzy, I feel nauseated and shaky, I can't even feel my fingers right now they're so ice cold. I started tearing up but god damn it I am not about to cry because of him again. Phoe's a *****in idiot. Wooohoo. Trusting someone doesn't make you a idiot Phoe. It makes you human. There are no failings in this on your part. He spoke and lied. You believed because you trusted. You are a better person than he is. He sounds selfish and dishonest. You deserve better treatment than this. Never berate yourself for trusting people. Feel pity for those who are incapable of being themselves and being honest. You are going to be okay. 1
Author Phoe Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Well...what are the odds that someone who has made of his life a complete lie and has been cheating his wife with you would lie to you?... Trusting a proven liar is indeed not very clever... but we all want to trust when we love someone so do not hit yourself to much over it... just try to use better judgment next time you enter in a relationship... cheating/liars are usually that... cheating/liars... There was no cheating, he has no wife, and we did not enter a relationship.
Author Phoe Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 Trusting someone doesn't make you a idiot Phoe. It makes you human. There are no failings in this on your part. He spoke and lied. You believed because you trusted. You are a better person than he is. He sounds selfish and dishonest. You deserve better treatment than this. Never berate yourself for trusting people. Feel pity for those who are incapable of being themselves and being honest. You are going to be okay. Thank you gatsby. I hate feeling so jaded over this
Dark_history Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 wait, he has a girlfriend and an EA with you so there is cheating and there is a gf... Really grasping at those straws for some drama aren't ya? Phoe I am really sorry to hear you are going through this. I haven't followed your story but I do recall you mentioning once about an old friend you fell hard for but couldn't be with, I am guessing this is him. Don't ever think that trusting someone makes you an "idiot", it is just like gatsby said, this makes you human, and not just that, a decent human being. So many people these days are so stuck with themselves and are only looking out for themselves, unwilling to do anything unless they have something to gain from it. You are not like that at all, you are the complete opposite. You talk about how much you like to make the man you are with feel comfortable and consider their needs, without demanding anything in return or expecting something. This is a rare virtue and as such it makes you a trusting person, not a fool. The only fools in this are the ones that do not see this and value a material object over it. Don't let the actions of a fool bring you down and cause you to feel ashame of yourself for trusting. Keep your chin up high, you are better than that, trust me 2
bentleychic Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I'm so sorry, Phoe. We need to find you a sweet, good, loyal, honest, SINGLE man!!! (Do they even exist? LOL) 1
Recommended Posts