Rainbow 22 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Hello, I am a new poster, but I have been visiting here for a long time. I just wanted to share my story and thoughts, as I can't discuss this in real life. It all began 3 years ago at work, when another department was merged with mine, and so enters MM. I was single at the time. I really enjoyed talking to him, he was funny and interesting unlike anyone else I worked with. We started hanging out at lunch and during breaks. He told me was married and had a child, and about his past life. Although I found him attractive, I genuinely just liked talking to him at work. So.. We continued talking, and began texting and he would call me a lot. I thought it was odd as he and his W both worked 9-5. But he never seemed restricted in talking. He confessed he had feelings, and so did I. Against better judgement we met up and spent an evening together, where we cuddled and did kiss once. He told me that he was unhappy, and had been for some time. His W wouldn't have sex with him (yeah, yeah). At this time, I would like to state I knew nothing of the MM script, never knew anyone who would admit to having an affair. I believed he was unhappy but not the sex thing. So, a full blown affair ensued. If you ask me what happened in 2 years outside of the A, I couldn't tell you. Nothing else mattered. I neglected my family and friends for this man. Even though we would only see each other every 2 months, we were in constant contact. To me, he was the perfect man, he was kind, romantic, everything I could want. He was very "honest" with me. He said he loved me, but would never leave his wife and child. After some time he was relocated for work, and became very moody. I would ask how he was, how we're things, and all he'd say was "ok, I guess" . This continued for around 3 months until I ended it. I heard from colleagues that he'd taken 2 weeks off sick and seemed extremely depressed. So I reached out to him. He said he understood why I ended it, but needed to grieve, he'd been moody because we no longer worked together. So the A resumed and he said he wanted to leave, that his W was cruel and emotionally abusive towards him. I felt so protective of him, I felt a hatred towards her, although I never expressed this, I encouraged him to talk to her. So things improved between us, he would tell me daily how much he loved me. When we'd see each other, he seemed so in love, colleagues would comment on his "love eyes" when he occasionally dropped by. Then they went right back to moody "ok, I guess" everything and one word answers. I struggled on what to do, but I loved him and stuck around. When I came to my senses= he had a massive fight with the W and said he was leaving and hinted I was all his. Do you know what my first thought was? HE IS GOING TO CHEAT ON ME. Not love, but I suddenly can't trust him in real life. I realised what he had been saying all along. SHE won't have sex with me. So he was still trying and if she would then he would have us both ewww. SHE doesn't want to talk to me. But I didn't want to talk to him, his moodiness was such a turn off, I didn't want to sleep with him either. This woman was not the enemy, this was her life 24/7 with him. I began reading posts here open mouthed that what every MM was saying was WORD FOR WORD what he was saying to me. Anyway, he stayed, continued with "yep" and "no" answers to everything. But strangely, would still tell me of his undying, soulmate bullsh/t love for me. I decided to end it in person. So he text me and said "hey baby, I've cleared my schedule for 2 hours tomorrow, I'm coming round. I love you." I didn't want him in my house so I text back I was having renovations done, so we could go to a park instead. This is exactly what he replied "is that a joke?? I'm not wasting my time in an effing park. I thought we were going to f@ck. You are wasting my time forget it then." That was enough for me. I simply replied "do not contact me again." That was 10 weeks ago, and he never tried to contact me since. I know I will never initiate contact. 3 years I was with him. If I can offer one piece of advice, it would be... You never really know who these people are. Be careful, and keep a grip on reality. Sorry for the length, but needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for opening my eyes.
Goodbye Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 That is very sad. I'm sorry you experienced that. In a way, having such a crude, sharp ending must have enabled you to recover? Better than the "I love you so much, you just don't understand how HARD it is for ME to be married and have a child."
Author Rainbow 22 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Thank you, Goodbye. I think it has made it easier. I spent time mulling over how to end it, naively thinking he would be upset. For him to act in this manner, was like a slap in the face that woke me up. Just because he said he loved me, it didn't mean he loved me. In an instant, I lost all respect and caring for him. Admittedly, it hurts a little that he never fought for me. But I know it is for the best. He is a coward. He has to live with himself, I no longer have to.
Artie Lang Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) OP, i'm glad that you finally came to your senses. that being said, after 3 years with this man what did you expect from him. did you expect him to leave his wife for you? were were in it for the excitement? as you've found out, all you were to him was side dish. be glad you didn't spend one minute longer being fed table scraps. some women- as you will read on here -have wasted 5-10 years in an affair. a total waste, if you ask me. Edited October 12, 2013 by Artie Lang
Author Rainbow 22 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Hey Artie. I never thought he would leave. I thought that I wanted him to leave, until it was suggested and I realised that, knowing his deep, dark secrets and affair tactics, that I could not trust him and that it would not work. I really wasn't in it for the excitement. I genuinely cared for this man, but as you say, I was a side dish and I am glad that I am free.
SarahJames Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Hello, I am a new poster, but I have been visiting here for a long time. I just wanted to share my story and thoughts, as I can't discuss this in real life. It all began 3 years ago at work, when another department was merged with mine, and so enters MM. I was single at the time. I really enjoyed talking to him, he was funny and interesting unlike anyone else I worked with. We started hanging out at lunch and during breaks. He told me was married and had a child, and about his past life. Although I found him attractive, I genuinely just liked talking to him at work. So.. We continued talking, and began texting and he would call me a lot. I thought it was odd as he and his W both worked 9-5. But he never seemed restricted in talking. He confessed he had feelings, and so did I. Against better judgement we met up and spent an evening together, where we cuddled and did kiss once. He told me that he was unhappy, and had been for some time. His W wouldn't have sex with him (yeah, yeah). At this time, I would like to state I knew nothing of the MM script, never knew anyone who would admit to having an affair. I believed he was unhappy but not the sex thing. So, a full blown affair ensued. If you ask me what happened in 2 years outside of the A, I couldn't tell you. Nothing else mattered. I neglected my family and friends for this man. Even though we would only see each other every 2 months, we were in constant contact. To me, he was the perfect man, he was kind, romantic, everything I could want. He was very "honest" with me. He said he loved me, but would never leave his wife and child. After some time he was relocated for work, and became very moody. I would ask how he was, how we're things, and all he'd say was "ok, I guess" . This continued for around 3 months until I ended it. I heard from colleagues that he'd taken 2 weeks off sick and seemed extremely depressed. So I reached out to him. He said he understood why I ended it, but needed to grieve, he'd been moody because we no longer worked together. So the A resumed and he said he wanted to leave, that his W was cruel and emotionally abusive towards him. I felt so protective of him, I felt a hatred towards her, although I never expressed this, I encouraged him to talk to her. So things improved between us, he would tell me daily how much he loved me. When we'd see each other, he seemed so in love, colleagues would comment on his "love eyes" when he occasionally dropped by. Then they went right back to moody "ok, I guess" everything and one word answers. I struggled on what to do, but I loved him and stuck around. When I came to my senses= he had a massive fight with the W and said he was leaving and hinted I was all his. Do you know what my first thought was? HE IS GOING TO CHEAT ON ME. Not love, but I suddenly can't trust him in real life. I realised what he had been saying all along. SHE won't have sex with me. So he was still trying and if she would then he would have us both ewww. SHE doesn't want to talk to me. But I didn't want to talk to him, his moodiness was such a turn off, I didn't want to sleep with him either. This woman was not the enemy, this was her life 24/7 with him. I began reading posts here open mouthed that what every MM was saying was WORD FOR WORD what he was saying to me. Anyway, he stayed, continued with "yep" and "no" answers to everything. But strangely, would still tell me of his undying, soulmate bullsh/t love for me. I decided to end it in person. So he text me and said "hey baby, I've cleared my schedule for 2 hours tomorrow, I'm coming round. I love you." I didn't want him in my house so I text back I was having renovations done, so we could go to a park instead. This is exactly what he replied "is that a joke?? I'm not wasting my time in an effing park. I thought we were going to f@ck. You are wasting my time forget it then." That was enough for me. I simply replied "do not contact me again." That was 10 weeks ago, and he never tried to contact me since. I know I will never initiate contact. 3 years I was with him. If I can offer one piece of advice, it would be... You never really know who these people are. Be careful, and keep a grip on reality. Sorry for the length, but needed to get this off my chest. Thank you for opening my eyes. Wow. I cannot even begin to imagine how I would feel if my MM said something like that to me. "You're wasting my time, forget it then?" ...for someone who just wasted 3 years of MY life - that sounds INSANE. I'm sorry that happened to you. AND I could not relate more when I read the part about "Do you know what my first thought was? HE IS GOING TO CHEAT ON ME". So true. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
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