HankOfSpace Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Hey everyone, I'll try to make it as short and coherent as possible. I am 24 yr guy. I've been in a relationship for 3 years with a (currently 21 yr) girl. The relationship had it's ups and downs, like any other but we loved each other in monstrous amounts, we built a connection on a level I have never encountered before. Today is 2.5 months since our breakup (which I initiated out of stupidity). I've contacted her once via a letter that I wrote, it was sort of a "closure" letter, and after that I called her several times until she answered and we spoke for about 4 hours, again - sort of a closure conversation but a bit more than that. About the phone call: I heard she is crushed by the breakup, light-years away from getting over it, and she's in great pain. I tried pointing out that I want to get back to her, that I want to fix things, get back together and make it right this time. She said that she can't see a way of us getting back together, but from the way she said it, it sounds like she does want ME to find a way, I mean, I think she wants me to try and make an effort to bring the pieces back together. The catch: I've hurt her a lot during the relationship (relax, not physically), and she's a very jealous person. About 3 weeks after the breakup I was a mess and had to get away and fast, I flew to another country with a friend for a little self-destruction trip, during that trip I got really hammered one night, really lonely and angry and went to a prostitute. I hated it, and it eats me till this moment, it was not done in a sense of joy and "get off" but in a sense of "I'm and empty, and have basically nothing to live for anymore, so why not destroy the living crap out of myself?" The Help I need: I really love this girl, this breakup brought me to new levels of pain (I started cutting myself and doing other self-destructive stuff), and I'm willing to do ANYTHING to make this relationship breath again. The problem is, I don't know whether I should do it, I mean, how can I tell her that at the time she was hurting as hell I went to a prostitute? It will hurt her even more, no matter how much I'll explain that it was meaningless and painful for me. But from the other hand, I do realize how this "trip" was nothing but a self-destructive venture in my eyes, so should I let this meaningless (to me) thing get in the way of trying to get back together with a girl I love so much? And if the answer is yes, how can i tell her this thing, and at what point of the efforts of getting her back? I mean, in the first steps before she gets "engaged" into this process? Hope I made everything clear and short, and please forum, I really need your help because I'm falling apart over here.
Omei Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 You're still thinking of terms of being together when you were broken up her busness was hers and yours was yours you do not owe her an explaination of what you did on your trip that trip was for you and you alone. To start over you must really start over anything in the past you both need to let go.
Fufu Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I really love this girl, this breakup brought me to new levels of pain (I started cutting myself and doing other self-destructive stuff), In bold: If you have not heal yourself and absolutely not in a healthy mental state, I will advise you to stay away from relationship at the meantime and seek help for self-healing first. Reason being: Even if she gets back to you, you can't ensure that this relationship will be healthy and secondly does she really wanna get back with you? (That's something that none of us will know) You have made a mistake and I believe you had felt the utmost guilt and most likely you had apologized to your ex over and over again (mistakes done and you have learned from it) Now you have to stop dwelling over it again and again. Things have happened, and I really suggest you to accept the reality now and focus on yourself first.
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