Stealth3 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 So after I found out what I think is the real reason she dumped me (GIGS for another dude) She found out that the guy is actually a lot older and already has a kid so I guess she thought it wouldn't work with him. At that point I decided to try move the f on. I wrote her my final goodbye letter. So right after I moved the f on, feeling better and getting ready to forget this whole mess..... Then she emailed saying she is sorry this has been so hard on me and we should sit down and discuss everything. I told her a few days later to call me... and she responded saying she will...if she doesn't then I will never break NC again and move the f on. What do you guys think?
JDPT Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Guaranteed she will do it to you again, just think about that. Save yourself future grief. 3
aliveagain Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 She left you thinking she traded up. Now she realizes he wasn't a diamond but just a shiny turd and wants to come back to you until the real Mr. Right comes along. She's now another man's dirt, why would you want her back with what she's already done to you? You have no children, keep moving because this girl has shown you who she really is, selfish, and if the right opportunity presents itself again she's more than willing to move on it. As far as she concerned, you've already moved on. 4
Never Again Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 It's up to you if you really want to hear what she has to say. Here's the thing: she needs to invest HEAVILY if she wants a new relationship with you. If you accept her back with no consideration or questions, she will take advantage of you and leave again. Not because she's a bad person per se, but because you LET her. She may also just feel bad and may want to relieve her guilt. If that's the case...as soon as the conversation goes down that road...end it. Don't give her the gift of a clean conscience. 1
ScienceGal Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Doesn't sound hopeful to me. Sounds like she will bide her time with you until someone else who seems "better" comes along. I'd close the door, go NC and find someone else who values you and wants to be with you. 4
billythefish Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 ignore her...do not be second best to no one. you are the better person so start taking control. let her miss what she cant have 1
Author Stealth3 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 She didn't call, I will let you guys know if she does. Most likely she wants to relieve some guilt but I won't let her use me, I won't let her play with me. Chances are she is buying time to chase this other guy while hoping she will have backup with me...but that won't happen. Chances are, she won't even call as she will consult her friends who convinced her to break up with me on what to do and they will convince her to not call me even though she said she will. Her friend (who has no kids) was dating a guy almost 15 years older with 3 kids who ended up getting another girl pregnant while they were dating... so of course they want her to not be far behind... To be single like them or always be in their shadows..... She is someone else's dirt now. Thanks guys! Will let you know what happens. 1
Never Again Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 She didn't call, I will let you guys know if she does. Most likely she wants to relieve some guilt but I won't let her use me, I won't let her play with me. Chances are she is buying time to chase this other guy while hoping she will have backup with me...but that won't happen. Chances are, she won't even call as she will consult her friends who convinced her to break up with me on what to do and they will convince her to not call me even though she said she will. Her friend (who has no kids) was dating a guy almost 15 years older with 3 kids who ended up getting another girl pregnant while they were dating... so of course they want her to not be far behind... To be single like them or always be in their shadows..... She is someone else's dirt now. Thanks guys! Will let you know what happens. Heh, I understand your situation more than you think. My ex was stressed and tired, and the honeymoon period was ending. She has a small seed of doubt, but it grew because of a friend she frequently travels with for work. That friend is...nice...but clueless. Never had a real relationship...closing thing she had to it was an on-again-off-again f**ckbuddy. Convinced my ex that if she had any doubts at all about her feelings, no matter how small, then I obviously wasn't right for her and that I had to go. My ex, like most people, wants to be liked. She couldn't handle the guilt of having hurt me, and would occasionally give me breadcrumbs to see if I'd respond...to see if I still thought of her positively. She held onto this guilt for three months. For three months, if she thought of me...she'd cry. It finally got to the point where she called me crying because she felt like such an a**hole. I calmed her down, told her I was over it a long time ago. Ended up making her happy. Don't make the same mistake I did - if someone feels guilty for mistakes they made, let them feel guilty. 2
Author Stealth3 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Did she ever wanted or try to get back together? Your story sure sounds very similar.
Never Again Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Did she ever wanted or try to get back together? Your story sure sounds very similar. Not that I'm aware of. She's 27, but never had an actual long term relationship. He longest one was 1.5 years, and the rest were all just under a year. She didn't take breaks between them either. It didn't matter if she did the dumping or was dumped...she always found something new in about 2 months. So, 2 months after leaving me, she met some guy that lives 3000 miles away who was "super hot" and has been chasing him since. Right back into her old pattern. She called me crying when she found out I knew about this guy...trying to convince me that nothing was going on. Not sure why she cared if I knew. It's been 4 months since the breakup now. I don't really understand her behavior. She's gone out of her way twice to let me know that she's not "actually" seeing anyone else, she tried to approach me if we end up in the same area, and she held my hand and asked me to dance with her at a wedding we were both at recently. But she hasn't mentioned getting back together once. She hasn't ruled it out, either, and has actually told me there's a part of her that just wants time and wants to try again. It was confusing at first, but I push it out of my mind as often as possible.
hotpotato Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 So she came back because she couldn't find better? How does she think that makes you feel? It's your call in the end. Can you trust her again? Only you can answer that. 1
Author Stealth3 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Well, she didn't call. I'm sure she went to her friend for blessing and advice...and I'm sure she got convinced not to call. I though I dated her, apparantly I was dating her friend too........ Or maybe things worked out with this new guys now.....
Misfortune Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Well, she didn't call. I'm sure she went to her friend for blessing and advice...and I'm sure she got convinced not to call. I though I dated her, apparantly I was dating her friend too........ Or maybe things worked out with this new guys now..... Isn't it great when you feel like you're dating your gf and her friends? -_- You get more issues than you bargained for with little to none of the intimacy. The peanut gallery has much power in some relationships.
Author Stealth3 Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 Well, she didn't call and probably won't. Yet another lie to stir my emotions....why did I let her disappoint and mind **** me again....... You guys are right, I need to delete her from my life completely....otherwise she will pull this be again and email me when she feels like she needs to stir my emotions....... Need to block her email. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Well, she didn't call. I'm sure she went to her friend for blessing and advice...and I'm sure she got convinced not to call. I though I dated her, apparantly I was dating her friend too........ Or maybe things worked out with this new guys now..... Don't blame her friend, blame her. We all have decisions to make in life, and she made hers... Friend or no friend, she decided not to call you. Probably because even if she had called you, she would've ended up leaving you for someone else anyway, thinking she was upgrading to something better, like she did last time. Count your blessings and move on, and stop pinning the blame on her friend. 1
Author Stealth3 Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 I blocked her email so now everything she sends me will get deleted automatically and I won't ever have to know about it. If she contacts me by email, I will never have to deal with it If she contacts me by phone after tomorrow, I will never pick up ever. I told her to call me this weekend and after tomorrow its over. She has brought me so much pain doing this...and I was a fool to think she actually wanted to talk. Right as I was fine with moving the f on, right after i sent her a serious goodbye email giving indications that im done for good..........right after all of that, she wants to talk and will call me then she never does....... Made me feel like **** half the day and once again I let her impact my life in a negative way. So I made sure that doesn't happen again and blocked her. And after that I just wont ever pick up if she calls (i cant call, deleted number long ago). Her lack of decency has reached my limits, she added salt to an open wound that was close to healing. I now understand why you go NC and don't break it no matter what. 2
Mz_sassy_77 Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 I wouldnt see her. you've already been through the torment of the break up and started moving on. She will do it again guaranteed. You dont want to be in this same situation again in a month, a year.....
Author Stealth3 Posted October 13, 2013 Author Posted October 13, 2013 She called me today....I should have never picked up. She called me to tell me she doesnt want to meet and to HANG UP ON ME as I was talking to her. Guess she wanted to hurt me one last time.
Chi townD Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 Yep! Totally bat sh*t crazy. Call your phone carrier and see if they can block her number from your phone. 1
StyleOnEm Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 She left you thinking she traded up. Now she realizes he wasn't a diamond but just a shiny turd and wants to come back to you until the real Mr. Right comes along. She's now another man's dirt, why would you want her back with what she's already done to you? You have no children, keep moving because this girl has shown you who she really is, selfish, and if the right opportunity presents itself again she's more than willing to move on it. As far as she concerned, you've already moved on. Couldn't have said it better myself.
crederer Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 I'd meet her if she wanted to, simply to tell her to her face that you have no interest in her anymore which I think would be good for your mental state. And, yah I hate the friend situation too. My ex had a friend and she broke up with her boyfriend and was convincing my girl how great the single life is. My girl said she's not interested in breaking up and I know for a fact her other friend kept pushing for it for weeks but I didn't think much about it cause I really didn't see it coming. Then it did. That same friend was constantly telling me how nice of a boyfriend I am and that my girl was lucky to have someone who took such good care of her as most of her other boyfriends were asshats. I think this friend had a big part in the relationship ending how it did.
Author Stealth3 Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 I didn't meet with her because she refused, even though she first brought the idea up....weird how that works. However, after she called to tell me she doesnt want to meet and then hang up on me....I did get ahold of her eventually on the phone: She kept on insisting she doesnt want to meet and she meant to break up for a long time....Eventually I got mad and told her I couldn't believe she didnt want to tell me there was another guy. She said she didn't want to hurt me (yea right of course) and that she has been talking to that guy a few days before breaking up with me and he has an amazing personality but he has a kid and told her she is too young for him. She started crying and kept on saying to leave him out of the convo....we talked a little more then she hung up on me. Then she called me a few minutes later, asked me to never call her again and started crying as I was talking to her as I was telling her her how much I loved and cared for her and how much I wanted to make things work...and that I'm sorry I won't be there for her in the future. She was crying and sobbing the whole time, and we said goodbye to each other. I feel that she was crying because she gave up on me for this guy and he ended up rejecting her. I felt she was sorry that things ended with me and even though she tried hard to stay strong, she couldn't stop crying the whole time. Its now over, I am completely done with her, completely over her. Things now make sense, why she really dumped me and I now know there was a guy she was talking to before she dumped me. I feel good now that it all makes sense and I can finally move on. I walk away without regrets and with my head up high.
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