ebt100 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 1. If two people met though an online dating site which displays activity, might they start to question if the people are still "Active Today" or "Active within 24 Hours" after a few dates? 2. Also, what is ettiquette on viewing other person's profile? 3. How about posting a new photo... does that not send the message the other person is still looking? The worst aspect of online dating is that even if you meet someone nice, the cultural and psychological desire for more and the next new thing interferes with relationship building. Imagine trying to pick out a new shirt at the store, and after you chose one, every minute a salesperson brings you seven new shirts and says: "Look at these ones!" It would be MADDENING. /rantover #morematchesmoproblems
mammasita Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Dating is dating whether on line or in real life. There really is no expectation of any sort of exclusivity after a few dates no matter how you meet. The disadvantage of on line is that we have the ability to see the other persons activity if we so choose. 2
deathandtaxes Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 A good rule to follow when dating initially is to assume they're dating other people. Until you have discussed exclusivity, don't worry about what they do or don't do on a dating profile. Don't take any of that stuff personally. And if you say something about what they might be doing before you've discussed exclusivity, you will come off as insecure or worse. 2
Author ebt100 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Yeah, I'd never say anything about the matter until it would be appropriate to. But that doesn't change the fact these things are an issue. I'm wondering if my profile showing I've been "active within three hours" sends a message I'm not interested or something. I didn't even used to care about this stuff, but a person I've been out with has viewed my profile at two day intervals. I've not viewed her for two reasons... a practical one, and because it may look peculiar. I dunno...
deathandtaxes Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 All that profile stuff you're talking about. It's a nonissue. It just sends the message that you may have been on the dating site. Big flip! Why even worry about what your's shows? Has the other person said anything about it?
Author ebt100 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 All that profile stuff you're talking about. It's a nonissue. It just sends the message that you may have been on the dating site. Big flip! Why even worry about what your's shows? Has the other person said anything about it? No, but they have viewed my five times since our first date. Some of my concerns are in the context of my own regrets about not kissing after a third date and it being too late. This is 95% an assumption of my own, and thinking about past things that have fizzled out after three dates. The crappy news is the only other times I've been driven to start threads on things at loveshack.org, the thing was a lost cause and water over the dam. I've been bracing myself for some kind of "no" answer to a fourth date, but I know I need to try.
deathandtaxes Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 No kissing after three dates...why not? Are you not attracted? Are you not interested?
Author ebt100 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 No kissing after three dates...why not? Are you not attracted? Are you not interested? I'm interested, but just kind of felt awkward about it (I'm more of the "shy guy" type). It seems from doing online research that there is some kind of ultimatum about the third date kiss. I was thinking about it, but it was a spontaneous date and didn't have the time to read up on and remind myself of the contemporary socio-sexual mores.
deathandtaxes Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) I'm interested, but just kind of felt awkward about it (I'm more of the "shy guy" type). It seems from doing online research that there is some kind of ultimatum about the third date kiss. I was thinking about it, but it was a spontaneous date and didn't have the time to read up on and remind myself of the contemporary socio-sexual mores. You have to get over being awkward or you will get nowhere. Unless a woman is really aggressive, men generally make the first moves, and that means kissing, too. Failure to do so usually gives the signal that you're not interested. Thus three dates and done. They are probably thinking the entire time, "When is he gonna kiss me??" No ultimatum about what date to kiss on. You have to gird your loins, summon your courage, throw caution to the wind and move in for the kiss! Edited October 12, 2013 by deathandtaxes 1
Author ebt100 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Well, I hope I get the chance to try again.
deathandtaxes Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Well, I hope I get the chance to try again. There's a sideways solution to this: multi-date! That way you're not all hung up on getting another date with one because you should have something lined up with another!
Author ebt100 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 ^^^ Yeah, I know what you're saying. When new to online dating, I went on dates with as many as six people during one timeframe. Ironically, that all imploded for various reasons, but that's another story... Anyway, maybe I'm overreacting. She told me she wants to go out again (I didn't even ask) and has made references to doing things in the future. A tangential issue is I fear I seemed boring (I was genuinely tired that day). I prolly need to kiss her next time (assuming there is one). Just the thought of not going out with her again is shattering to the emotions. This dating thing isn't easy...
deathandtaxes Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 This dating thing isn't easy... Word. But it gets better with experience. Just have fun. Take your rejections like an adult. Then get back out there and have more fun.
FitChick Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 When you meet her for the next date, first thing, give her a big kiss and hug and say, "I'm so happy to see you!" That way you get the kiss out of the way and it will be easier to kiss her at the end of the date. 1
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