A bit of a story. Ex troubles

[kirauzumaki]

I want to get as much different view points. She said she may call me if she wants to be with me but i don't really know what to do from there. I feel like she is just going to mess around with other guys then come back after she is done...... the reason i say this is because we broke up right when she moved to another state even though i was suppose to move down with her in two months. Her reason for breaking up shock me and if Reason One isn't true after all its just the second. I don't know what to think of this.

 

Me and my Girlfriend broke up 3 weeks ago. Her reason for breaking up is because she felt like i "Emotionally Abandon" her. These are the reasons.

 

Reason One: A few months back she felt as though she had a miscarriage because her period was about a 10 days late and when her period did come it was very painful. I don't see how a Miscarriage was possible because she was on birth control and i always used a Condom. Yes i would put it in raw for a few moments (But she still had birth control in effect). After she told me this i told her that i disagreed and that maybe she is over exaggerating. She got mad at me and yelled at me saying that i am not taking responsibility for our dead child. i didn't know what to say so i told her that we could go to a doctor and see if it really happened and she said no that i am her boyfriend and i should believe her. So i said talk to your friends about it. I don't really know what to tell you =/. So yeah this issue went on for a few months since i didn't know what i could tell her to make her feel better.

 

Reason Two: She disliked my Ex. She hated her even though i tried to explain to her that we are just friends she wouldn't believe me. When i decided to remove my Ex from my life just so my girlfriend would be happy. She got mad at me for wanting a bit of time to myself to cool off. She said that i shouldn't even care about that ***** so i shouldn't be upset at all =/.

 

 

I'm not abusive or cheater. I have bad communication skills and i get that and i started counseling to work on it but she is treating me like i am the worse person in the world because of those two reasons...... I traveled to see her everyday when we are in high school. I begged my mom to give her a place to stay when her family kicked her out. when she had bills piling up i sold my stuff to help clear her debt.,.. when she wanted to celebrate her first holiday (Her family doesn't believe in holidays) we decided to give her the best Christmas we could............. i tried to tell her that it takes two to maintain a relationship and i understand my depression was getting in the way of working on us but i am improving and we can make this work. She replied saying that Just because I'm ready now doesn't mean she is and that i should just expect responsibility that i made her leave. I feel like utter **** after giving my all to this women.

[Beautiful diamond]

I can't find any mistakes on your part. You have been a good, loving, faithful boyfriend. She took advantage of that. Sometimes nice people get used and abused. They don't deserve it, it's just that evil people take their niceness for weakness.

 

When someone shows you their true colors, believe them. She has a tendency to blame you for everything, is attention seeking, unstable, and not sure what she wants.

 

Sounds like she is going through something you may have no idea about. If I were you, I would just end it. The compatibility is missing along with the mutual love and respect. You can do better my friend.

[kirauzumaki]

Well this post might be a bit long but i wanted to vent out my entire relationship.

 

 

 

 

Me and my now Ex Girlfriend have been together for 23 months would have been 24 months 10/21/13 but 3 weeks ago she decided to break it off with me. This was our relationship before the break up.

 

 

Me and my Ex started dating senior year in high school and life felt great. We would constantly see each other and text each other whenever possible. As our relationship continued it became clear that we cared about each other very deeply and i knew in my heart i would do anything for this girl but then came the first sign of bad news. Her Sister (My Ex lived with her sister) was moving about 2 hours away and that left us devastated as a high school student with no car i didn't see a way of meeting her but i knew i could make it happen and sure enough i was able to find a bus route to get to her. So from then on out everyday after school (Yes everyday) i would travel 2 hours there and back just to see her and it was worth it. Her smile meant the world to me and seeing it everyday just puts a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart. I truly felt in love with her.

 

As our relationship continued we started to get more sexually involved with each and it was great. We would make out in public all the time & we would have sex where ever possible. Bathroom - Behind a building - anywhere. Being high school students everything just felt carefree and we loved it. Then the night when we actually made love to each other everything felt perfect we even smiled and cuddle right afterwards. We felt as my Ex would say "One with each other". Then came our pregnancy scare. Her period came late between 2-4 weeks (Not sure of exact time frame) but when it did finally arrive she described it as very painful and bloody. This led her to believe that she had a miscarriage. I instantly disagreed because we always used a condom (Yes i will admin i have put it in raw for a few seconds & yeah we did lose a condom inside her once) Still i didn't really see how it was possible. This led her to be very hostile at me because i didn't know how to handle the situation. She even said that i refused to take responsibility for our dead child. That made me feel bad. I tried suggesting we go to the doctor and see for sure but she insisted that because i was her boyfriend i should believe her and support her. So from here on out we would have fights every few weeks related to this pregnancy scare.

 

Moving forward our relationship was good and we enjoyed all the times we spend together. Yeah we would have our fights every now and then but nothing that couldn't be fixed. The longer we dated the more i realized that her family life wasn't that great. Her parents kicked her out of Florida to live with her sister in California and her sister constantly judged her. When we first started dating her sister told me that my Ex wasn't worth it and that she is trouble and a lair. Still i didn't care i saw the good in her. It was about a few months into the relationship when her family decided to pull this horrible stunt. She was sleeping over at my house and her phone was turn off so no one was able to reach her. Her family decided to tell her that her father died. That was incredibly wicked and cruel. In my anger i tried to get my uncle to find her a place to stay (but my efforts where futile). Still she was hurting so much i couldn't bare to see her like that. What kind of family would break down there own daughter like that? That's when i made the promise that i would always be there for her and i would never abandon her.

 

After a few months have passed since her Family's stunt. (We are in college now) i decided that i wanted her to live with me. Her family life was still hectic and i could tell she didn't want to stay there. So i pleaded with my mom to let her move in with us and sure enough it happened. Life felt great waking up and going to sleep with the girl of your dreams was amazing but the reality of the real world started setting in and she did not like it. For example my mom rents an apartment and the land lord lived below us. The landlord is always complaining about something so i tried my best to keep the peace by turning off lights or reducing water or telling my Mom and Ex to be careful not to waste anything. Both my Mom and my Ex told me that i was letting her drive me crazy but all i wanted to do was make sure we all had a place to stay. Later it became clear that me and my Ex weren't to good with money management skills and i wanted to improve that. So i created organizers with the intention of building a better budget but all it did was make her even more mad at me. She even felt as though i didn't think she was capable of doing anything on her own. Which wasn't true i simply wanted to make sure things where done correctly and i would call her out if he made a mistake. (Yeah she hated that). Still we where able to get along and at the end of the day we still loved each other deeply.

 

Later down the road i wanted to do something special for my Ex (Her family was Jehovah witness) so she wasn't allowed to celebrate holidays. So what better way to give her a new life than to give her the best Christmas ever and me and my mom did just that. We truly felt like a happy family together. I couldn't see anything going wrong but then a few months later we started to have issues related to bills again. To help her with the debt she put herself in i decided to sell my stuff (The gifts she has given me) in order to help pay off her bills. I knew i was doing the right thing because i didn't want her to be in trouble. Still i held anger to that because if she just followed my plan it would not have happened in the first place. I felt we had our whole life together for her to pay me back but still me having to sell my stuff for her would come up in arguments from time to time. Don't get me wrong she had a job when i didn't and i know she did her best to buy groceries and take care of me when i was sick so i know she wasn't using me. I guess you could say i wanted to sell my stuff so i wouldn't feel completely useless in everything.

 

Nearing the end of our relationship my mom went through surgery and was left house ridden. This put a strain on me and my Ex because we where no longer able to have sex as often as we would like. Also i felt we have grown up a lot since our high school days so i wasn't into overly making out in public anymore. That doesn't mean i was no longer attracted to her or that i didn't love her. I just felt weird Overly making out in public like i am an adult doing this i didn't feel like our relationship would be taken seriously. but she didn't see it like that. She felt that i didn't love her anymore and that i am just a complete different person. This is not the case. It's hard to want to have Sex all the time with a yelling landlord and your mom in the room right next door not to mention worrying about bills. It was just a hard time. Due to all the stress going on at the time me and my mom ended up getting into an argument which resulted in me and my Ex getting kicked out. So from there we decided that she should move to her parents in Florida for about 3 months and i will save money and move down and we could be together again. So that was the plan.

 

After she moved to Florida i instantly missed her and with all the other stressful stuff in my life i feel into a depression. She quickly realized this and would be mad at me for not wanting to talk all the time and we would end up getting into fights a lot more often. She told me to see a doctor about my depression but i declined. I felt that once i moved with her in Florida things would get better (This was just a hard time). but our fights would get worse and worse and both of would start to say hurtful stuff towards each other. She then started saying that she was going to break up if i didn't fix my attitude (I known her for a long time i felt she was exaggerating) our relationship was hard because of the distant its not like we wouldn't work out once i moved. So we tried working on things and things got better until she asked me to remove my Ex. (Through out the relationship my girlfriend hated my Ex but i insisted that we were only friends. Still my girlfriend did not like her and from time to time we would argue about this). I decided that i wanted to start a new life with my girlfriend in Florida and if she wants my Ex gone fine. So i removed her from my Facebook and out of my life. Considering my Girlfriend and my Ex where my only two friends i felt angry that i had to remove her from my life. So that led to me not wanting to talk much again for a few days. This lead her to breaking up with me. She said that i emotionally abandoned her and that she understands that i wasn't trying to hurt her but she still got hurt. Out of everything we have been through (A lot more stuff that i can put in this story) i am angry that she would think that i abandoned her. So now miles away she is ignoring my calls and text. She has all my clothes and she left me with a $600 credit card bill that she ran up...... When we talked on the phone she told me to accept responsibility that i made her leave. Since the break up i decided to see a doctor to work on my depression and slowly i have been feeling better. I tried to tell her that it takes two to maintain a relationship and i understand my depression and communication skills were getting in the way of that but we can work and still be happy together. She replied saying that just because i am ready to work on things doesn't mean she is and that i should accept that i made her leave and take responsibility for it........... So yeah sad ending lol. I hope one day we can make it work but i doubt it.

 

 

To you all out there i hope you never let go of a good thing once you have it. Everyday i still think about her but i know i can't call her or send her a text. Maybe with time she will be open to giving us a chance. We really weren't that bad together. I think stress really just got to her. Still i pray that we will be together again.

Edited October 12, 2013 by kirauzumaki

[kirauzumaki]

Me and my girlfriend broke up just about a month ago this week but its been 3 days without contacting each other. During the first two weeks of breaking up i called her so many times begging her to take me back and that i will do better.... that didn't work at all

 

Her reason for breaking up with me is because she feels like i emotionally abandoned her. She feels like that because of these two reasons below.(Told me on the phone)

 

* During the earlier months of out relationship she had a late period between 2-4 weeks and when she finally got her period it was very painful for her. This lead her to believe that she had a miscarriage. I was skeptical about it and told her maybe she was over reacting. That made her get made at me. I asked if we could go to the doctor and find out. She said no that i was her boyfriend and i should believe her. So we would argue about this from time to time.

 

* She was angry that i would not stop being friends with my Ex. Not exaggerating my Ex & Girlfriend where my only two friends. so i was kinda upset that i had to remove my only other friend from my life. (Me and my Ex only dated for less than a month and nothing intimate happened so i don't understand why it was a problem to be her friend not only that my Ex lives with her boyfriend) So when i finally made the decision to just remove my ex from my life to make my girlfriend happy. she got mad at me for being upset about the situation for two days so decided to break up.

 

* She is also angry that i didn't go to therapy to work on my depression when she wanted.

 

 

Our relationship was pretty good and even after our fights we where able to work things out and be happier than ever but after she moved away all that changed. I got depressed and didn't want to talk on the phone much but that's just because i a lot of stressful stuff was going on. I was suppose to move to live with her again in two months so i don't understand why she would just let all that go. I have done my very best for this girl. Sold my stuff for her. Gave her a home when her family kicked her out. Celebrated her first holidays with her. I am currently $600 in credit card debt because of her. We were suppose to pay that off together now i doubt it. I was nothing but nice to her and she feels like i abandoned her........ When we talked on the phone i told her that i was seeing help and that i understand my depression was making our relationship hard but i'm working on it and we can still make things work. She said just because i am ready now doesn't mean she is and that i should accept responsibility that i made her leave.......

 

She still means the world to me but i feel like crap now. I still want her back but now i feel like second best to who ever she is with now..... it just makes me feel like crap..... I really did give this girl any and everything she wanted. I felt her life was a lot happier. Yeah i had my faults but does that really mean a break up?...... I just wanted someone to love me for me and i taught that was her. I loved her endlessly and i get repayed like this. it hurts so much that she feels that way towards me.

Edited October 13, 2013 by kirauzumaki

[headinthecloud]

I don't know how old you are but your ex sounds very immature. I would learn from the experience, most notably that using birth control will help prevent such scenarios in the future. I would move on and stay NC (that means no cyber creeping her on social media too). Focus that energy on you and bettering yourself.

 

Try to get out into the world and meet people. Meetup.com is a great place to start. You will find other like-minded people so have faith in what will be.

[kirauzumaki]

I'm 20 and she is 19. She meant everything to me and i given everything i had. It's like after she moved away she felt like nothing could be fixed again and i don't get why. Life was hard while she was a away but that doesn't just mean you quit on someone. I feel like its because i wasn't there anymore she lost sight of everything we were and just ended it. The only things she was mad about where the reasons listed above i don't think that is worth breaking up over and i don't think i abandoned her considering when her family kicked her out i begged my mom to let her live with us. We gave her a place to stay and we supported her. So why all of a sudden she has to break up now?? it just hurts........... She feels like i have changed a lot but i haven't. I just have a lot of stuff to worry about like bills and rent and she doesn't get it. I didn't leave her when she blew our rent money on what ever she bought. I didn't leave her when she went smoking behind my back and took ecstasy i didn't leave her when she continued to be friends with her ex or her friend who deals drugs... Hell when i had to sell my **** to save her debt i still stayed.....Now i am left with $600 debt she is suppose to help pay off but isn't........ WHY AM I GETTING LEFT WHEN I NEED HER THE MOST??? WTF!

Edited October 13, 2013 by kirauzumaki

[kirauzumaki]

Still thinking about me Ex even after we broke up 3 weeks ago.

 

I feel horrible inside and the more i think about it the more i feel like i will never meet someone as special as her. I am not social. I have no friends (Girlfriend & Ex are my only two friends no exaggeration). I am not interested in clubbing or going to bars. Were would i meet someone has chill and understanding as her?

 

 

We broke up because she felt like i emotionally abandoned her because i didn't believe she had a miscarriage when her period came 2-4 weeks late (Not sure of exact time) I told her to go to the doctor and see if it happened for sure but she said no that i should believe her. So every few months we would argue about this.

 

The last reason is because i didn't remove me Ex from my life (Me and my Ex dated for less than a month. Just giving it a try. Nothing intimate happened) still my girlfriend was angry at me for being friends with her. When i finally decided to remove my Ex from my life to make her happy she got mad at me for being upset for a few days so broke up with me.

 

 

The thing is i gave her everything why would she feel like i emotionally abandoned her? When he parents kicked her out i gave her a place to stay. When she wanted to celebrate her first holiday (Her family didn't believe in it) I gave her the best Christmas possible. I even sold my stuff all my stuff actually to help pay her bills. I never once told her she wasn't beautiful and i promised to be with her forever and always............ Its like after she moved away she felt like our relationship wasn't going to work...... I was going to move and live with her in two months. why just give up on it..... I don't understand........ Now im $600 in credit debt that she was to help pay off but now i am not getting no word from her...... why suddenly hate me??? I can't understand i was nice.

 

I feel so damn horrible that she would say that i emotionally left her because of those two reasons. I gave her my all. My mom even gave her clothes when she didn't have any. She had a family. Why just throw that all away. I feel so heart broken... It was my goal to always love and protect her and i feel like such a failure now....

 

It's like the two years together never happened..... I don't even feel like she thinks about me anymore...... I never wanted her to view me as some horrible person she can't talk to. I told her i would work on my depression so i could communicate better but i don't think she cares......... Honestly as long as it wasn't cheating and being abusive i would have stayed with her no matter what. Sadly i'm not given the same treatment and it sucks.

[kirauzumaki]

Me and my Ex broke up a Month ago and this is the first week NC.

 

I still think about her all the time but i feel like the longer i don't talk to her the more she will stop thinking about me like i never existed.

 

We been together for 2 years and had a pretty good relationship. Yeah we had our fights but we where always able to fixed them. She recently moved far away a month ago and we started fighting a lot more but the thing is i was suppose to move and live with her again in two months. What the hell happened??

 

She felt like i emotionally abandoned her. Although i have always been there for her when her family wasn't. My family even took her in as there own when she got kicked out. I don't get why she would feel like that i would do anything for her and i did everything i could.

[thompkevin]

I am assuming you want to get back together. If so, I think NC is a good way to go. Don't think that she will stop thinking about you like you never existed. In fact, she is going to miss you more and might even realize that she did the wrong thing by ending the relationship.

[kirauzumaki]

Me and my Ex broke up a month ago and we have had limited contact since.

 

 

She broke up with me because she felt like i emotionally abandoned her after she moved away 2 months ago (i was going to move and live with her in 3 months). That is not the case after she moved i fell into a deep depression so i was struggling to keep communication with her. We still talked every day but i wasn't really active in it and then we would end up arguing a lot. This only because we both had a lot of stressful stuff going on at the time. Then we had a big argument and for two days i was upset so when she would say i love you when we where getting off the phone i wouldn't say it back. that's when she decided to break up with me.

 

 

After about a week of NC we talked on the phone a bit. She told me that she felt like i didn't care about her (That's not the case i have always been there for her but lately i have been depressed & stressed out). I told her all the things i have ever done for her and that she knows i would always be by her side and that things are hard at the moment but that doesn't mean you just quit. I even told her that if she hadn't moved away we would probably still be together and she agrees. I told her i understand my depression got in the way of our relationship after she moved but i am seeing a therapist now and things are working out great. She said just because i'm ready to work on it now doesn't me she is and that i should accept responsibility that i made her leave. As we talked i asked her and she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me right now and that we both have stuff to work on before we try again. I agree with that. I asked her if shes trying to date someone to replace me and she said shes not dating yet but she might...........

 

 

Our relationship was pretty good yeah we had our ups and down but nothing major and i feel like the break up was just out of circumstance of each others stressful situation. Again she even said that we would probably still be together if i moved down the same time as her or if she stayed.

 

My question is how should i go about things to let her know i'm changing? I'm seeing therapy & working out more. I told her to call me if she is ever in a emergency and needs someone to talk to or to call me when she is ready to give me another chance. I told her she has until April to decided if she wants to give us another chance or not..... the reason for this is because in April i will be applying to go back to college so that could be in the new state she lives or in my home town.

 

Should i still call her from time to time myself or just let her contact me?

[Mcnulty]

She moved, you got depressed, she broke up with you, you sought help and reconciliation, she admits if she hadn't moved away you would probably still be together....If she acknowledges her part, but doesn't acknowledge your depression as a reason for her leaving, I'm sorry but she's keeping you on the back burner unless something good in the dating game she's thinking about trying doesn't work out.

 

If she wanted you back, you'd be together now, she'd be saying, here are the reasons and we both admit to our shortcomings, lets be together.

[kirauzumaki]

The thing is she can hold a grudge so until she is able to forgive my actions (The depression and bad communications skills after she left) Getting back together right now wouldn't fix anything. Knowing her she would probably bring it up a lot. So i do understand having to break up for a bit until she cools off fully and is able to put in 100% without looking back at the past. I do agree breaking up because of this miss communication is harsh but she already made up her mind no changing that. Basically i'm hoping for a clean slate if she ever comes around. As for the dating thing I understand and i think its healthy i rather her date around with the chance of realizing its me she wants to be with and if she never comes to that conclusion at least i know for sure she wasn't "The One". In the mean time i plan to continue my therapy and improve my physical health. I just don't know how exactly i should leave a window for her open so she knows she can still come to me for help if she really needs it. I figured still showing at least that amount of support would let her know that i am always there for her and that could possibly push her in the direction of knowing I'm here for her.

[todreaminblue]

I feel when someone has ended something due to a feeling of a lack of caring ...my advice would be to contact her from time to time let her know that you do care....thats my opinion.....i wish you well....deb

[Mcnulty]

Your actions?? Depression isn't an action!

 

How do you get yourself mentally healthy with this going on? I don't get that at all. Leaving a window open is not a good idea when she's gone and she's going to possibly date man.

[kirauzumaki]

My actions of not really wanting to talk because i was depressed so she felt i didn't want to be with her or no longer cared about the relationship.

 

As for my mental health I'm fine now yeah i cried and stressed out but i also learned that we are no longer together so i cant get upset at her dating other people. Why she is figuring out her life she may just realize she wants to spend her life with me or maybe not I'm not really stressing it but i feel i should just let her know I'm still here for her if shes ever in a emergency but no casual calls or text.