Getting suspicious

[Jake89]

Hello,

 

When doing the laundry i came across my girlfriends panties with a whitish/waterish stain on the outside of her panties, also not on the crotch side but more on the top. I didn't want to think anything of it, but i couldn't help myself and I started to look through her dirty laundry for panties.. Now this is the third time i have found panties with the exact same whitish stain on a different pantie. Always on the outside. Could there be any logical explanation for this? (She doesn't use any (new) products for down there.) Also, it doesn't smell like cum..it does have a strong smell though. It reminds me of a sex smell. But that could just be me being paranoid, as i am very paranoid right now.

 

I also want to describe a situation that happened a few days ago. We were watching tv in our bed and we were talking about our busy schedules, we both work 24/7 shifts, and i was like.. damn now we cant have sex for like a week, i didnt get any response.. so i asked why she ignored my comment and she was like.. oh sorry i was watching tv...it went back to quiet. Then after 5 minutes she proposed to me, without anything special.. just in bed. Im really happy about it but i didnt see it coming at all and i just think the situation in which it happened is kind of weird. All replies are welcome

[BetrayedH]

She proposed to you, as in, asked you to marry her?

[2sure]

You could ask her about the stains on her panties. Just so you know how to pretreat the laundry.

 

Is it possible that she hates doing laundry and recycles them by turning them inside out to wear again? To me, that would be nearly as awful as cheating , but it's a possibility.

[Jake89]

Yes, she asked me to marry her.

[Jake89]

You could ask her about the stains on her panties. Just so you know how to pretreat the laundry.

 

Is it possible that she hates doing laundry and recycles them by turning them inside out to wear again? To me, that would be nearly as awful as cheating , but it's a possibility.

 

Thank you. Thats not a possibility, shes very hygienic and changes panties twice a day

[veggirl]

so you're marrying a girl you don't trust?

 

ask her what the stains are.

 

I'm surprised you even found them. I do all the laundry in my household and it gets dumped in the washer in a bunch, not individually inspected and DEFINITELY not sniffed...eww! I hope you weren't wiping another dudes jizz all over your face!

[BetrayedH]

Yes, she asked me to marry her.

 

Not sure I've heard of many women doing the asking, especially in such an anti-climactic fashion. Seems odd but it takes all types. I wouldn't say it relates to her cheating but of course, plenty of people have cheated from the time they started dating thru engagements and well into marriage.

 

Is there anything else making you suspicious?

 

Checking panties is pretty unreliable unless you have a test kit (they do make them, oddly enough).

 

The normal methods are looking at her phone for texts, checking the cell phone bill for frequent numbers (or deleted texts), checking internet history, and checking financial statements. If those show any red flags, then there are other things to get verification such as voice-activated recorders, GPS trackers, and PIs.

[Chi townD]

Get a checkmate kit. That will determine if the stains are semen or not. The checkmate kit isn't 100% but pretty close. Might give you some piece of mind.

[Jake89]

Not sure I've heard of many women doing the asking, especially in such an anti-climactic fashion. Seems odd but it takes all types. I wouldn't say it relates to her cheating but of course, plenty of people have cheated from the time they started dating thru engagements and well into marriage.

 

Is there anything else making you suspicious?

 

Checking panties is pretty unreliable unless you have a test kit (they do make them, oddly enough).

 

The normal methods are looking at her phone for texts, checking the cell phone bill for frequent numbers (or deleted texts), checking internet history, and checking financial statements. If those show any red flags, then there are other things to get verification such as voice-activated recorders, GPS trackers, and PIs.

 

Thank you. There aren't any clear signs, but we went from months having sex every day to once or twice a week, she's an extremely sexual person and she loves having sex, but it doesnt seem like she enjoys it very much anymore. She does have a new tough job since two months, so that could explain that though. but somehow something triggered my gut feeling, but i cant point it out. I really dont want to go overboard by using the methods you mentioned..im already losing myself by sniffing her panties

Edited October 12, 2013 by Jake89

[unicorn farts]

An infection can cause painful/unpleasant sensations during sex.

[threelaurels]

The only thing weird about it is that it is on the outside of the underwear. Does she get dressed the dark? Maybe she's accidentally putting them on inside out. Or she might even be doing it on purpose if the material is itchy on the inside or something.

 

The location doesn't really matter because, as any woman can tell you, period spotting can wind up in non-crotch locations depending on things like her positioning throughout the day. I'm sure the same thing could happen with vaginal discharge. If it smells strong/fishy, she probably has a yeast infection. Normal discharge can be white but doesn't usually have a strong smell.

 

If you're concerned about cheating, put the underwear in a plastic bag, hide it somewhere, and get a semen test kit.

[road]

The only thing weird about it is that it is on the outside of the underwear. Does she get dressed the dark? Maybe she's accidentally putting them on inside out. Or she might even be doing it on purpose if the material is itchy on the inside or something.

 

The location doesn't really matter because, as any woman can tell you, period spotting can wind up in non-crotch locations depending on things like her positioning throughout the day. I'm sure the same thing could happen with vaginal discharge. If it smells strong/fishy, she probably has a yeast infection. Normal discharge can be white but doesn't usually have a strong smell.

 

If you're concerned about cheating, put the underwear in a plastic bag, hide it somewhere, and get a semen test kit.

 

 

Stains have to on the inside for a discharge.

 

I would get the semen test kit.

 

Additional Red Flags, your work schedule keeps you apart for a week at a time.

 

She hardly wants to have sex anymore.

 

Time to check phone bills, key log the PC, hide a VAR in the house and her car, and GPS her car. Do all this without alerting her.

[threelaurels]

Stains have to on the inside for a discharge.

 

My statement was under the assumption that she might be accidentally or purposefully wearing her underwear inside out.

[Phoe]

I accidentally put my panties on inside out sometimes. Maybe she sometimes does too.

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

The number one sign of cheating is guarding the phone, hardly ever letting it out of her sight, maybe even taking it to the bathroom and shower with her, or even sleeping with it under her pillow. You didn't mention her phone habits one way or the other, so I thought I'd throw that out there.

 

You could ask her straight out about the stains. Tell her you're concerned because you've never noticed them before, tell her maybe she should go see a doctor just to be sure everything is OK. You also could bring up the drastic decrease in sex in the same vein.

 

Assuming you accepted her proposal, does it seem strange to you as it does to me that you are posting here asking us questions but you are afraid to ask your wife-to-be? And not only that, but you mention, "I really don't want to go overboard by using the methods you mentioned..im already losing myself by sniffing her panties." So you plan to use what I refer to as the "ostrich" approach when issues arise between you two? Sticking your head in the sand and hoping a problem goes away does not work. Hope is not a plan.

 

If you just agreed to marry her, I think you should be taking a bigger interest in the events of her life (and yours) than just sniffing her panties.

[Jake89]

The number one sign of cheating is guarding the phone, hardly ever letting it out of her sight, maybe even taking it to the bathroom and shower with her, or even sleeping with it under her pillow. You didn't mention her phone habits one way or the other, so I thought I'd throw that out there.

 

You could ask her straight out about the stains. Tell her you're concerned because you've never noticed them before, tell her maybe she should go see a doctor just to be sure everything is OK. You also could bring up the drastic decrease in sex in the same vein.

 

Assuming you accepted her proposal, does it seem strange to you as it does to me that you are posting here asking us questions but you are afraid to ask your wife-to-be? And not only that, but you mention, "I really don't want to go overboard by using the methods you mentioned..im already losing myself by sniffing her panties." So you plan to use what I refer to as the "ostrich" approach when issues arise between you two? Sticking your head in the sand and hoping a problem goes away does not work. Hope is not a plan.

 

If you just agreed to marry her, I think you should be taking a bigger interest in the events of her life (and yours) than just sniffing her panties.

 

You are absolutely right about all of this. It's screwed up. The thing is, I already asked her about her losing interest in sex, she just says she's tired and is focused on her new job, then when I continue this discussion(in a relaxed matter) she gets mad and says i try to make her feel guilty(that's how she is with everything, she gets mad at me when she feels guilty or when receiving criticism) when all i want is get to the bottom, we're working on this, so that's not a really good indicator. She has her phone on her all the time when shes home, but also just leaves it around me when she's not there. Also reads her texts and emails when i sit next to her. She knows how paranoid i can be at times and this has been an issue in the past. But now this gut feeling kicked in and i feel as if i can't really talk about this with her any more. I know damn well this is not the basis of a good relationship, but this is the situation right now.

Edited October 12, 2013 by Jake89

[JourneyLady]

Hello,

 

When doing the laundry i came across my girlfriends panties with a whitish/waterish stain on the outside of her panties, also not on the crotch side but more on the top. I didn't want to think anything of it, but i couldn't help myself and I started to look through her dirty laundry for panties.. Now this is the third time i have found panties with the exact same whitish stain on a different pantie. Always on the outside. Could there be any logical explanation for this? (She doesn't use any (new) products for down there.) Also, it doesn't smell like cum..it does have a strong smell though. It reminds me of a sex smell. But that could just be me being paranoid, as i am very paranoid right now.

 

I also want to describe a situation that happened a few days ago. We were watching tv in our bed and we were talking about our busy schedules, we both work 24/7 shifts, and i was like.. damn now we cant have sex for like a week, i didnt get any response.. so i asked why she ignored my comment and she was like.. oh sorry i was watching tv...it went back to quiet. Then after 5 minutes she proposed to me, without anything special.. just in bed. Im really happy about it but i didnt see it coming at all and i just think the situation in which it happened is kind of weird. All replies are welcome

 

Does she brush her teeth in her undies? I always seem to drip toothpaste pretty often when I brush my teeth and have stopped wearing whatever I'm going to wear when I go out for that reason. Still happens though - sometimes lands on the floor... (Not THAT often, because I'm careful now.)

[tinktronik]

I accidentally put my panties on inside out sometimes. Maybe she sometimes does too.

I must add to this that I've never, ever worn a pair of panties inside out. How exactly do you do this? This thread makes me want to buy new panties in case someone is sniffing them. I'm going to do that right now.

[todreaminblue]

The only thing weird about it is that it is on the outside of the underwear. Does she get dressed the dark? Maybe she's accidentally putting them on inside out. Or she might even be doing it on purpose if the material is itchy on the inside or something.

 

The location doesn't really matter because, as any woman can tell you, period spotting can wind up in non-crotch locations depending on things like her positioning throughout the day. I'm sure the same thing could happen with vaginal discharge. If it smells strong/fishy, she probably has a yeast infection. Normal discharge can be white but doesn't usually have a strong smell.

 

If you're concerned about cheating, put the underwear in a plastic bag, hide it somewhere, and get a semen test kit.

 

 

i sometimes do this with underwear if the crotch is rough ill turn it inside out dont like rough crotch areas..he did say it was near the top of the underwear i think which doesnt make sense of illicit action either......ahem....out....deb

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

You are absolutely right about all of this. It's screwed up. The thing is, I already asked her about her losing interest in sex, she just says she's tired and is focused on her new job, then when I continue this discussion(in a relaxed matter) she gets mad and says i try to make her feel guilty(that's how she is with everything, she gets mad at me when she feels guilty or when receiving criticism) when all i want is get to the bottom, we're working on this, so that's not a really good indicator. She has her phone on her all the time when shes home, but also just leaves it around me when she's not there. Also reads her texts and emails when i sit next to her. She knows how paranoid i can be at times and this has been an issue in the past. But now this gut feeling kicked in and i feel as if i can't really talk about this with her any more. I know damn well this is not the basis of a good relationship, but this is the situation right now.

 

You really don't have a lot of red flags here. Plus you are saying you've been "paranoid," meaning unjustly jealous, in the past, otherwise I would say your "gut" feeling usually is a pretty good indicator if something funny is going on. Very, very few people post here who are suspicious of cheating where it does not turn out to be the case, but they usually have more red flags than you do and say that they're not the jealous type.

 

At this stage of your relationship, it's a bad sign that she won't open up to you and that you are afraid of asking her for fear of making her annoyed or angry. Trust me, once you are married, finances entangled, families entangled, kids come along, family members have health issues, etc., it only gets tougher. You have to be able to talk to each other.

 

Cheating is a possibility in your situation. But only one of many, and no more likely than many other things that could be going on.

 

Do you make your fiancé feel sexually desired, tell her how hot she is, give her a lot of attention? Guys in general, but especially younger guys, don't seem to understand how important this is to many, if not most, women. It seems that many wives who have affairs blame it on their husband's lack of attention. They feel like the guy behaved a certain way when he "courted" her, then when he won her, just stopped. Like a bait and switch. Meanwhile, they feel the guy expects them to go on acting the same as when being courted. They also might expect the guy to "pick up" on their feelings, they overestimate a guy's ability to pick up on signals. This is another possibility, but just one possibility of many.

 

Are you too clingy and over-possessive, or too needy? That could be another possibility.

 

I understand she just asked you to marry her, but that may be one of the most uninspired proposals in the history of proposals. Coupled with her distancing herself from you and decrease in sex, if you don't know what to make of it, I certainly don't. There is only one person who does.

 

One thing I will say is that, no matter how demanding the job, a young woman without children who enjoys frequent sex usually doesn't stop wanting it just because she's working longer hours. It's possible, but unusual. I would guess her not wanting as much sex has to do somewhat with a loss of desire.

 

If you can, I think you should check out your wife's cell phone bill and see if there are any unknown phone numbers that she calls a lot, or that she calls first thing in the morning or last thing at night. If you find something, investigate further. If you don't, talk to her about what is bothering you and listen to what she has to say, and gauge her reaction.

 

I also think that you should not get married until you can learn to communicate. Stay engaged, but don't go through with any wedding if you can't clear up your communication problems.

 

When you get married, do you think you will share passwords for email and phone? Do you think those things should be private? You are pledging that two will become one in marriage. Should there be secrets? What is so private on your phone that you wouldn't want your wife to see? And vice versa?

[Jake89]

Thank you for your time, I can find a little of myself in most things except for the part of making her feel desirable. I'm almost like a fan. There is no day that goes by without me telling her how sexy she is. But thank you, i'm going to do something with this.

[BetrayedH]

You really don't have a lot of red flags here. Plus you are saying you've been "paranoid," meaning unjustly jealous, in the past, otherwise I would say your "gut" feeling usually is a pretty good indicator if something funny is going on. Very, very few people post here who are suspicious of cheating where it does not turn out to be the case, but they usually have more red flags than you do and say that they're not the jealous type.

 

At this stage of your relationship, it's a bad sign that she won't open up to you and that you are afraid of asking her for fear of making her annoyed or angry. Trust me, once you are married, finances entangled, families entangled, kids come along, family members have health issues, etc., it only gets tougher. You have to be able to talk to each other.

 

Cheating is a possibility in your situation. But only one of many, and no more likely than many other things that could be going on.

 

Do you make your fiancé feel sexually desired, tell her how hot she is, give her a lot of attention? Guys in general, but especially younger guys, don't seem to understand how important this is to many, if not most, women. It seems that many wives who have affairs blame it on their husband's lack of attention. They feel like the guy behaved a certain way when he "courted" her, then when he won her, just stopped. Like a bait and switch. Meanwhile, they feel the guy expects them to go on acting the same as when being courted. They also might expect the guy to "pick up" on their feelings, they overestimate a guy's ability to pick up on signals. This is another possibility, but just one possibility of many.

 

Are you too clingy and over-possessive, or too needy? That could be another possibility.

 

I understand she just asked you to marry her, but that may be one of the most uninspired proposals in the history of proposals. Coupled with her distancing herself from you and decrease in sex, if you don't know what to make of it, I certainly don't. There is only one person who does.

 

One thing I will say is that, no matter how demanding the job, a young woman without children who enjoys frequent sex usually doesn't stop wanting it just because she's working longer hours. It's possible, but unusual. I would guess her not wanting as much sex has to do somewhat with a loss of desire.

 

If you can, I think you should check out your wife's cell phone bill and see if there are any unknown phone numbers that she calls a lot, or that she calls first thing in the morning or last thing at night. If you find something, investigate further. If you don't, talk to her about what is bothering you and listen to what she has to say, and gauge her reaction.

 

I also think that you should not get married until you can learn to communicate. Stay engaged, but don't go through with any wedding if you can't clear up your communication problems.

 

When you get married, do you think you will share passwords for email and phone? Do you think those things should be private? You are pledging that two will become one in marriage. Should there be secrets? What is so private on your phone that you wouldn't want your wife to see? And vice versa?

 

Great post, Mickey. I usually can't get myself to "like" a post that is this long because I find something in there I don't agree with. Didn't happen this time. I'd say that you took the words right out of my mouth.

[Jake89]

Okay, so I hope someone could really give me a little help on the following,

also if you think there is something wrong in my actions, please do tell:

 

Today she rejected me when I attempted to make love to her, she could tell it was bothering me and she repeatedly said sorry, i just got back from work and i didn't sleep well last night.(you guys have to know that i'm a very understanding person but at the times she rejects me, there is always something.) so i calmly asked her if she agreed with me that our sex life has gotten worse, and why she desired me less than before and why she was being less affectionate.

 

Her response:

 

" We talked about this before, i don't know why my sex drive has decreased, but its getting better. Why do i have to repeat myself and why do you keep bringing this up? I'm not in the mood to talk about this right now "

 

We indeed had talked about this before, but never elaborated, just like the situation above.

 

I said OK, got frustrated and walked out of the room to get ready for work.

 

Then later on i texted her that we have to talk about this, because it was really bothering me that she was being so defensive about it and that her angry reaction doesn't help me to get a peace of mind. Her response was that she doesn't think that it's necessary and that shes going to say the exact same thing as before.

 

This all might sound needy, and it probably is, but I can't continue this relationship if i cant be vulnerable.

 

So yeah, this is just feeding my suspicion. Before I take action, i just want to know what you all think about this?

 

 

On a side note: My girlfriend has always been extremely straight forward and assertive since the beginning. She says whatever she feels like saying if she thinks that it is justified. She sort of speaks before she thinks.

Edited October 13, 2013 by Jake89

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

"i don't know why my sex drive has decreased"

 

"I'm not in the mood to talk about this right now "

 

i texted her that we have to talk about this, her response was that she's going to say the exact same thing as before.

 

COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

 

Does it really matter if she's cheating on you or not? Is this the type of relationship you want to have?

 

Tell her to come to you to talk when she is ready to talk about it. Then wait - but no more than two days. If she hasn't talked to you about it in two days, wait until she has some free time, and then push the issue until you get an answer. It may be that she doesn't know why her sex drive has decreased, but she should be willing to discuss the possible reasons with you, not just blow you off with a non-answer. If your relationship can't stand this issue, you only would have broken up or divorced later on when a more serious issue came up.

 

She just asked you to marry her less than a week ago. What are the chances that she would be willing to break up over not wanting to discuss a relationship issue with you? And if she does break it off with you over it, which based on her somewhat crazy behavior of late (and I'm including the half-assed way she proposed in here) seems completely possible, what does that say about what the future of your relationship would have been like?

 

In the meantime, while you are waiting for the next two days, do not try to initiate sex, try to be pleasant and upbeat and treat her well. Show all affection as if nothing is going on, but just don't initiate sex. Don't make it worse by behaving badly and don't give her any other problems to sidetrack from your main concern.

Edited October 13, 2013 by Mickey_Fitzpatrick

[Mickey_Fitzpatrick]

(you guys have to know that i'm a very understanding person but at the times she rejects me, there is always something.)

 

My girlfriend has always been extremely straight forward and assertive since the beginning. She says whatever she feels like saying if she thinks that it is justified. She sort of speaks before she thinks.

 

What do you mean by "there is always something" at the times she rejects you?

 

Also, what about saying what she wants "if she thinks that it is justified"? Do you think she somehow feels "justified" in not discussing it with you and, if so, what would be her justification?