sigurpol Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 So, about two months ago, a friend of mine got a hold of me. I knew her through mutual friends over the years, but everytime we met up, she had a boyfriend. It would get awkward after a while and thus, I would rarely contact her. In addition, it just felt like she was on her own watch. I'm not trying to be sexist, but it seemed like she knew she could make plans on the dime and anyone would come running to her. I stopped talking to her once it felt like this was a trait because I thought it was immature. So yeah, the other month, she gets a hold of me out of the blue. We get drinks, go back to her place and fool around. This pattern goes on for about three weeks when one day, she no-call-no-show's on me when we had plans. I was irked. Regardless to "oh you're not dating"-mentality, I thought it was very rude. She got a hold of me a week later and apologized. I let it slide and said it was fine. We make plans to meet again and we do. Same routine. The following week we make plans again and my work schedule became insane, family problems, and my money was low. I called her and explained what happened, said I was sorry, and wanted to reschedule. She said okay but seemed to raise an attitude about it. Next time the day comes and we both can't do it. Reschedule. Randomly I text her about how we need to finally get dinner and she says "how about right now?"- I couldn't do that then because it was so short notice. We make plans for a Thursday to which we says, "How about you give me a 12 hour green light in advance because, you know"- Which I replied "Hardy har har. Plan for thursday and I'll talk to you soon" Thursday comes, I meet where we're supposed to. No call. No show. No answer her phone. Friday night, 11 PM. Text. "Sorry, work was crazy yesterday. What're you doing?"- After some chatting she tells me to meet her out. get out there, can't find her at the bar, so I call. No answer. Get a text saying "Sorry. I went home. What're you doing monday or tuesday?" We make plans for Tuesday. I get out there... guess what? No call. No show. To boot, she's 'checking in' on places online, so I see where she goes. I head home and call it a night. I NEVER call anyone out. I almost always let it roll because if people want to act like flaky pieces of trash, go ahead. But I've had a rough week of personal family issues, jobs, school, health problems, and now this. I'm literally about to snap. part of me wants to call and demand a reason why you feel this is okay. I don't care that this would burn a bridge because, well... this is a bridge worth burning.
MrCastle Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I don't know how you continued seeing her after the first inexcusable flake. Burn this bridge bro. Shred her. It won't get you anywhere but maybe you ripping her will help the next man. Maybe she won't be as immature with whoever she dates next. Worst case scenario, the messiness makes her bitter, she grows to hate all men and joins this forum. 1
emva07 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 yeah, I would've been out since no call/no show 1 and she contacts you A WEEK later?????? All around rude upon rude. She doesn't give a damn. And you going back is just stroking her ego. Don't call her out. Just ignore her. That way you don't stoop to her level, and she feels like scum, as opposed to her flipping the tables. 2
Purepony Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 No don't call her out on it keep it going! Turn the tables around my friend... Next time she calls you or text you short notice reply with ai "yeah let's meet up I'll meet you there what's the address" and don't show up, Turn off your phone or respond with oh sorry I left and do the same thing she does.
Purepony Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 No don't call her out on it keep it going! Turn the tables around my friend... Next time she calls you or text you short notice reply with ai "yeah let's meet up I'll meet you there what's the address" and don't show up, Turn off your phone or respond with oh sorry I left and do the same thing she does. Remember first one to get mad loses.. beat her at her games
todreaminblue Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 this post made me cringe a bit because when i have been sick i have flaked on quite a few guys online( i dotn online date anymore not a good plan for me)...truth is i get paranoid.....to be honest a few guys got quite agressive chasing me and it really made me start to wonder why they wanted to meet me so bad....... now in regards to yourt post......only one guy has ever called me out but it was when i end3ed it.....i knew i was sick and it wasnt fair i wasnt ready to date had only broken up for a six months from a fifteen year relationship....he thought it was his photo that he sent me......the guy was really sweet, i liked him alot and he got pretty upset...i just didnt want to lead him or waste his time i was starting to go down hill, i knew i would have hurt him i had a fair amount of guilt.....i feel really bad about this guy out of all i flaked on...i respected the way he called me out he was calm hurt but straight to the point.........he made me feel like crap ...still respect him though for the way he handled calling me out.......call her out....... be a gentleman about it and i think its the right thing to do ..dotn go psycho and call her all the names under the sun liek trashy flake etc.....but say how you feel and then drop contact..best wishes.....deb 1
truth_seeker Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 If she contacts you again, write back, "sorry, I got plans with [insert another woman's name] ... maybe another time if I'm available?"
irc333 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 it really made me start to wonder why they wanted to meet me so bad....... Chances are, you're probably too obsessed with worrying about stuff like this. It's actually what's keeping you single. You may want to get over that. I used to get sick of asking women out, esp. online only for them to say, "I need a little longer to get to know you" , even if it's been a week of correspondence.....even after asking for their phone # to take it to talking on the phone....then...you wind up being some kind of online pen-pal...which is what even WOMEN online don't want. (Starting to notice that lately.)
phineas Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Seriously dude? I wouldn't talk to the chick after the first time she stood me up. And if a woman ever blew me off like that & had the gall to contact me & act like nothing happened I'd probably respond with "Delete my number" or "f-off" and not care at all if she thought I was all butt-hurt because i'd be done with her anyways. zero respect for you she has shown & you just keep going back for more. 3 times you let her do this?
deathandtaxes Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Respect yourself first and don't contact this flake again. You'll feel better and you will be the better person. Calling her out serves no purpose but to feed some upset part of yourself. Let it go.
Eleanore Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I may be Captain Obvious here, but when somebody cares about somebody else and is serious about a relationship, they don't flake out like this (at all - let alone repeatedly). So, if somebody has a pattern of flaking out, realize that the message they're sending is: "I'm not willing or able to have a real relationship right now." And respect that by letting them go. Don't get upset or call them out. What would be the point? You want somebody who gives freely of themselves, right? I recently wrote a post called "How to Teach a Jerk a Lesson" on my blog that talks about this very issue (why you shouldn't admonish somebody for behaving badly). If anybody's interested, the link to my blog is on my profile under "contact info." 1
dlyall Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 You are too nice. After one time, I am gone and never speak to the person again.
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