ssf1 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I apologize in advance for the long post, I am just very confused as to what happened and need some input. I was seeing a girl for about two months. I am a 27 year old male and she is 24. I met her through my friend's girlfriend; they are very good friends. We texted every day, went on dates about 3-4 times a week and were only seeing each other and nobody else. She told me "I like you A LOT", made a comment "it'd take a lot for you to scare me away!" and made it obvious she was incredibly attracted to me. She invited me to her family's summer house for a weekend 7 hours away along with my friend and his girlfriend, so it was to be the four of us. The house is along a river. I was picturing this as a mildy romantic weekend between one couple (my friend and his gf) and potentially a future couple (us). Two days before leaving, she told me, "this may sound weird but I invited this guy to stay with us." The guy is in the army and friends with her best friend (a male who is also in the army), and just got re-assigned to the base 20 minutes away from her summer house. The girl I was seeing and the guy she invited have met before, but are not good friends. I thought this was a little weird, but it was her house, and I didn't want to tell her who she can't invite to her family's house. My friend told me that she also invited another girl to come, but that her mother was visiting and she couldn't come. The girl I was seeing did not mention this to me though, only that she invited another guy. My initial reaction was she is trying to make me jealous, but I wasn't sure. The car ride up she was all over me and even made the comment "you're perfect!" after I gave an answer to a question. All we talked about was how much we were looking forward to having sex this weekend. We then picked up the other guy and took him back to her house. The morning after we got there, we all were going to go down to the dock by the river to check it out, and she didn't wait for me to walk down with her; instead, she went far ahead with that guy, and pretty much ignored me at the dock. I became visibly annoyed, and she caught on and took me aside inside the house and kissed me, to which I wasn't particularly into. At this point, I was pretty irritated, because I thought she should be showing me around the dock because it was my first time there. Instead, she was describing things her dad did at the dock to the other guy, while not engaging me. We went back to the house, and I closed my eyes on the couch so I could settle down my irritation. They went to get fishing rods, and saw me with my eyes closed and she said, "let him sleep, let's go out fishing". They went out fishing for 2 hours together while I stayed in the house, getting more irritated. She picked up on this and asked me what was wrong, and I denied anything being wrong. I then said, "I can't wait until it's just me and you", and she didn't agree and said "Oh, I like having other people here as company with us." Later, me, the girl and that guy went out to go kayaking, and I fell out of the kayak trying to get in and got very muddy. I said, "maybe I should just go out like this", and she didn't seem thrilled with that and said "I would take a shower". So I was upset at her lack of want for me to be there and went inside and took a shower while she stayed out there with that guy for another two hours. I thought to myself, I am your date, shouldn't you want to be spending time with me? I showed this with my body language but didn't confront her. That night, she uncharacteristically became very cold and bitchy to me, stopped kissing me and didn't want to have sex. She was always all over me prior. This behavior continued for the next two days, even after the guy left and it was just me and her for the final day. She was extremely cold to me. When we got home, I called her and told her I didn't want to see her anymore. She didn't sound upset at all and didn't try to change my mind. I was stunned at this because she was extremely into me prior to the weekend and I thought this was heading toward a relationship. I contacted her a few days later to try to get some clarity, and she said, "I'm independent, I don't want to be tied down, I like to do my own thing and I don't want anybody holding me back, and you can't handle that." From my perspective, I just wanted to spend time with her and was upset that she wasn't placing the priority on me. Was I justified in my behavior? Or did I act in an un-masculine way?
leftfordead2 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 It sounds like she was trying to date both of you at the same time. Then she decided she liked the other guy more. What she did was incredibly rude and disrespectful though. I wouldn't contact her again. 2
Author ssf1 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 It sounds like she was trying to date both of you at the same time. Then she decided she liked the other guy more. What she did was incredibly rude and disrespectful though. I wouldn't contact her again. Thanks. My worry is that she genuinely invited him as a friendly thing since he was stationed so close, and that she got turned off by my behavior after I acted upset that she wasn't giving me the attention I thought I deserved. You don't think that was the case ?
leftfordead2 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 So instead of asking why you got upset, she decided to spend more time with the guy instead and ignore you?
Author ssf1 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 So instead of asking why you got upset, she decided to spend more time with the guy instead and ignore you? She asked me twice "what's wrong?" after sessions of her giving the other guy much more attention than me. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to start a conflict. She definitely acted interested in him, though, and my friend and his GF who were also there agreed.
emva07 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Thanks. My worry is that she genuinely invited him as a friendly thing since he was stationed so close, and that she got turned off by my behavior after I acted upset that she wasn't giving me the attention I thought I deserved. You don't think that was the case ? I don't think this is the case. She had seen him before, liked him, now an opportunity came up where she could see him, they spent a a lot of time together doing romantic things (your vacation) so you were thrown to the curve. You were a new toy, a newer toy came by and she threw the other toy away. 1
Author ssf1 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 I don't think this is the case. She had seen him before, liked him, now an opportunity came up where she could see him, they spent a a lot of time together doing romantic things (your vacation) so you were thrown to the curve. You were a new toy, a newer toy came by and she threw the other toy away. Ouch. Thanks for the reply. This was my initial reaction as well, but I had second thoughts after asking my friend's girlfriend what the girl I had been seeing said. She said that she wasn't interested in the guy and that she just spent time with him because they enjoy doing similar things. That sounds like BS to me.
lollipopspot Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I think you're probably incompatible. You wanted to be shown attention (I understand this), and she wanted to be free to spend her time with whoever she wanted without question (I understand this). Maybe you both had a different idea of what the trip (and your relationship at this point) entailed. If you were interested in a light hook-up, and could deal with her free-spiritedness, it might have worked. I wouldn't say you were "un masculine" (as you say), but I would say you were a bit pouty. In this situation, you would have just had to roll with it and make your own fun. Regardless, she's not the woman for you. You need a woman who makes you feel special. If she was enjoyable enough to be with that it outweighed this other quality of hers, it might have been worth it for awhile, but it doesn't seem like you would have been able to overlook feeling slighted if she didn't pay you enough attention. 1
emva07 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) Ouch. Thanks for the reply. This was my initial reaction as well, but I had second thoughts after asking my friend's girlfriend what the girl I had been seeing said. She said that she wasn't interested in the guy and that she just spent time with him because they enjoy doing similar things. That sounds like BS to me. Yeah well the friend doesn't know what goes inside her head. I've had crushes on guys I just met before but don't tell anyone because it's nothing, just a cute guy I met once. If I see him again, of course I'd be giddy and everyone would be like wtf?? Or could be as simple as she was blown away by his sexiness as he walked into the car when you guys picked him up and she just had to have him.... Either way.....you've been thrown off the motorcycle. Seems like she is a heart breaker this one. But every dog has its day. Good actress. Edited October 12, 2013 by emva07
truth_seeker Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 What a b-tch! Playing mind games and then dismissing you. Do not be surprised if she tries to hold onto you. You could hear from her again. Just remember: she doesn't respect you. She wants to manipulate you. You're only good to her when she is available and wants her needs met. Another guy comes along she likes better, she will dismiss you again. You have two choices: 1) never speak to her again. 2) use her for sex when she calls but also date other people.
Author ssf1 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Thank you for the replies. I'm just bummed because I never saw this coming. She was incredibly into me and I really thought this was heading toward a relationship. Oh well.
deathandtaxes Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Ending things was a good call. The only thing I think you did wrong was following up later to clarify. Go NC now and save yourself some grief. Oh, and find some women to date. You'll feel better. 2
theothersully Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I have a different theory. Sounds like a classic "I need to be the center of all attention" type girl to me. She figured she had you "in the bag" already, so she'd go and see what other kind of attention she could get from the visiting guy, figuring you'd be ready for the real hookup later that night. When you got cold/angry, etc... (I'm sure she is used to that from other cases), she at first, just tried to calm you down. Then, she got tired of it and decided that she didn't like you anymore because you were ruining her fun (in her mind). Have known plenty of people like this. You'd be in for that forever, so good move ending it. 2
Author ssf1 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 Thank you all for the replies, it is appreciated.
odin673 Posted October 15, 2013 Posted October 15, 2013 It's impossible to say if she was trying to get with the other dude. I would venture to say she wasn't because she suggested sex with you several times. I do think you handled the situation in a "non-masculine" way. You let yourself get phased too easily. With that said, if she was disrespecting(this is relative. I don't think talking with another dude in a group setting is disrespectful) you this early on, she's not worth the hassle to you. Move on.
Author ssf1 Posted October 15, 2013 Author Posted October 15, 2013 It's impossible to say if she was trying to get with the other dude. I would venture to say she wasn't because she suggested sex with you several times. I do think you handled the situation in a "non-masculine" way. You let yourself get phased too easily. With that said, if she was disrespecting(this is relative. I don't think talking with another dude in a group setting is disrespectful) you this early on, she's not worth the hassle to you. Move on. Thanks for the reply. She wasn't trying to get with the other guy on this trip, but she was acting interested in him and wasn't placing the priority on me, which I found to be insulting.
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