OverThinker72 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Some of you might have read my previous threads but I will just like to make clear that since the break up I have in no way or form contacted my ex. He contacted me and we talked for 3 hours, it changed nothing and I was able to carry on despite the pointless conversation. Anyway, the other day I was busy at work and needed to send a text to my manager so I took out my phone and went into phone log to find his number as I had not saved it to contacts. I just needed him to send an email with info on one of our suppliers. Anyway I wrote out the text but just as I was about it to press send my manager called and I must have pressed send by accident when I answered his call. So my busy day continued and when I was on the bus I looked through my texts and that is when I saw a text from the ex with just '???'. I actually sent him the text that was meant for my manager ffs. I was furious with myself as I have not once intiated contact and have deleted him from my life. Ok so here is what I do not understand. When he called that last time and we talked for 3 hours, I was able to get up the next day and just carry on. The call didn't have me wanting him back or anything. Infact I deleted the conversation from my head within a week. So why have I been in tears and pain after getting the text with '???' ? Wtf is that all about? The pain is unbearable and it feels like I'm back to square one! I'm even dreaming about him now and I miss him terribly. Can someone please explain to me how a 3 hour conversation can mean so little compared to a text with 3 fecking question marks lol. Very strange Hugs from a wet cold London x
sniperz Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Some of you might have read my previous threads but I will just like to make clear that since the break up I have in no way or form contacted my ex. He contacted me and we talked for 3 hours, it changed nothing and I was able to carry on despite the pointless conversation. Anyway, the other day I was busy at work and needed to send a text to my manager so I took out my phone and went into phone log to find his number as I had not saved it to contacts. I just needed him to send an email with info on one of our suppliers. Anyway I wrote out the text but just as I was about it to press send my manager called and I must have pressed send by accident when I answered his call. So my busy day continued and when I was on the bus I looked through my texts and that is when I saw a text from the ex with just '???'. I actually sent him the text that was meant for my manager ffs. I was furious with myself as I have not once intiated contact and have deleted him from my life. Ok so here is what I do not understand. When he called that last time and we talked for 3 hours, I was able to get up the next day and just carry on. The call didn't have me wanting him back or anything. Infact I deleted the conversation from my head within a week. So why have I been in tears and pain after getting the text with '???' ? Wtf is that all about? The pain is unbearable and it feels like I'm back to square one! I'm even dreaming about him now and I miss him terribly. Can someone please explain to me how a 3 hour conversation can mean so little compared to a text with 3 fecking question marks lol. Very strange Hugs from a wet cold London x Same to all breakups and divorcees around. I'm from Asia and I can share that we're all the same in any way seriously. Firstly, I do had an hours of talk with my ex. It WOULD NEVER change anything. Be frank. Love quotes are even more meaningful than those chit-chats you had ongoing. Do you know why? It's actually over. That's what your other half would think of. They just knew you still have clingy feel over your past loss. Which gives them a good heart to let you hear them once more or twice. Carry on. Do something to make yourself happier.
petall Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Because this text was initiated by you (albeit inadvertently). You see it as a surrender in some form by contacting him. The loss of power makes you feel exposed. Although the text was garbage to your ex, you are afraid he thinks it's a deliberate move you made to reach out. You've been holding on strongly all along till now and this "slip up" makes you feel vulnerable and hence you are upset.
lop98 Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I agree with both responses, accidentally the ball seems to have gone in his court (this is bs but that's how it feels for a while) and you feel vulnerable but most importantly, meaningless exchanges like that only confirm that the relationship is over. I went through the same, I actually went on to have a 6 hour conversation with my ex two weeks after the BU, and I felt so strong afterwards, like it would be a piece of cake to get past it and things didn't have to get ugly, we might as well stay civil and have some type of friendship. It was until much later, when we ignored each other, there were still hopes and other people was brought into the picture and the empty comments ensued that reality hit me hard and I fell into depression over how truthful it was that it was all lost and it was over. Don't be too hard on yourself, it was a silly mistake and it doesn't define your determination to get past it. Just stay strong, you won't be going back to feeling like this every other day, it's normal to have setbacks but they don't last forever, believe me. Just focus on your activities, work out, have enough sleep, go out, strict NC (lose that damn number!), don't deny yourself the right to mourn but also the right to live, repeat several times, and the pain will ease. 1
aisuru Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 No matter how much you think you moved on... you wish he still thought of you. It's hard realizing they don't think of you, even if your feelings and thoughts are slowing sliding away to nothing. Now, with this contact, regardless of how it came to be, you realize he doesn't want to speak with you, or at the very least, didn't respond the way you would like... so it's a type of rejection. Unintended contact or not. This is simplified of course, but none of us wants to feel rejected, even if we know we shouldn't be with that person in the long run.
Omei Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 You should of deleated his number off your phone no number equals no accidental text deleat!! Get back to healing.
Mr Scorpio Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Perhaps because part of you wishes that he had more to say? I don't know how long it has been since your three-hour conversation with him, but it seems possible that you hoped he would follow up with something more. We tell ourselves that we're over it, that it is in the past and buried, and that we've moved on. But all too often the desire is still there, like an ember at the bottom of a pile of soggy leaves. Sometimes, all it takes is a little gust of wind, and you're back to square one.
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