sam-confused Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Hi I posted yesterday on the getting married forum I was upset because my fiance is running away emotionally and has admitted to feeling trapped and says he has commitment issues . It was quite a long post so I won't copy and paste it on here. Unfortunately today I find myself writing on the break up forum . I don't even know if this it the right area to post on in fact I don't know what we are anymore. I was trying to keep calm my fiance has been sleeping in our spare room for about a week now. On my last post I said that we both realized we had to do more things with each other as we had stopped and we needed to fix it. so Ive been asking him on a walk to the cinema or a meal or up town to visit the museum. these are all things I know we both enjoy but he hasnt wanted to do any of them. He is leaving for a two week holiday to visit his parents tomorrow and this time Im not going with him. Today we had a massive fight which included me loosing the calm mind i was trying to preserve and I started crying and sounding a bit desperate to be honest:S. He has told me he doesn't love me or care about me and Doesn't want to fix any sort of relationship we have. He wouldn't let me say the things I neaded to and went through to the bedroom and started to text who I think is an old girlfriend he had when we had a small break up around 6 years ago at the start of our relationship,,, anyway its all in my other post. The point is she is back where his parents are and im worried they will get together when hes away. I just don't understand why he feels there is nothing to fix. He started insulting me for being slightly crazy like most of my family and telling me I should have said something before now which I have been trying to do! It all feels hopeless and i am completely broken up . I know he is running away from our engagement trying to find what he wants but it hurts so much when you feel he really doesn't care what can I do to stop him doing this to us? thank you for reading this I hope someone out there can say something to tell him that will make him see clearly or act sensibly.
Beautiful diamond Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I'm so sorry you are going through this...unfortunately he is crossing lines that should never be crossed. Somewhere in your relationship there was a loss of respect. Maybe you have been dependent on him emotionally? He sensed this and began treating you like crap? What he is doing is mental and emotional abuse. He knows after investing 6 years there is no way you want it to end. So he holds stability and losing him, over your head. Your intuition is 100% correct. It is God's warning system for us. He is cheating, and it will only get worse. Your self worth and self esteem are being destroyed. This will only end in your heartbreak. He may marry you, but he will be mean and unfaithful. You don't want to live that life...... I know it's hard, but breaking up would be the best thing for you. If you beg and plead he will most likely dump you. I feel your pain, and my heart hurts for you. I was in the same situation. Needing a man to feel like life was worth living. Well I found out I didn't need him. Please know this too shall pass. 1
devilish innocent Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Please don't blame yourself. He's the one being really immature and selfish. Even if there were problems in your relationship, and even if he wanted to end it, he handled it remarkably poorly. Given that you've been together so long, live together, and are engaged, you deserved for him to handle the situation with much more tact. He treated you as though you were some random girl he knew by just running off and leaving things unresolved while you were hurting so badly. There is one good thing that came out of this. I know this won't seem like a good thing right now, but you'll look back in a few years and realize that it really was. He's shown his true colors that he's really not ready for marriage. It's not just the fear of commitment, but his immaturity as well. If he's behaving this way now, he would have found a reason to do it at some point after you were married. Then there would have been additional burdens to deal with. If there's a chance he'll change his mind about the whole situation, it will only be after he sees the other girl. He's going out there to try to rekindle things with her. If it doesn't work out, he's likely to come crawling back to you. Should that happen, you'll have to make a decision about whether he's really someone you want to continue sharing your life with. I would definitely at least hold of on marriage until you're completely certain and fully discussed and worked through the issues. You need to be sure he's trustworthy before you marry him and right now he's shown you that he's anything but. If he doesn't come back, then you'll know it wasn't meant to be. It will take some serious adjusting, but everything happens for a reason. It really is for the best that things end now if he can't stay through his own free will. You'll have a chance to move on with your life and meet people who are better for you. In the end, things will work themselves out one way or the other. Just hang in there. 2
Author sam-confused Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 thank you for your help. I know there is a pretty tough decision to make. If he does go to see this girl I don't think I could forgive that it's just too much. I wish he would be more mature and think about it and really put in all into trying with us but he seems to not be capable of that .
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