Shosh Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I am back in the dating pool and find myself faced with a question I've been pondering for a while, would be great if the men of loveshack could answer this for me. If you send a message to a woman you are interested in on a dating site, but she is not interested, would you prefer she a) simply not respond b) respond without giving a reason why she is not interested (something like: Thank you for your message, but I am not interested. Good luck!) c) respond and give a reason why she is not interested (e.g. I am looking to date someone who lives closer to me, is more in my age range, is less/more active, etc.) as long as it not hurtful (sorry, but I don't find you attractive). Unless you want to hear that too. Really appreciate your opinions!
WhiteButton Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I would definitly apprechiate if a girl tells me "Thansk for your time, but there is no romantic connection. I wish you good luck". Then just geting the silence treatment. I think its rude and shows no class. Unfortunately most of the girls i have dated where it didn't work out, i would get no response. If you went out with me for a date or two, you dont need to give me a detailed reason, just saying thanks it didnt work out good luck is enough. 1
Imajerk17 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I am back in the dating pool and find myself faced with a question I've been pondering for a while, would be great if the men of loveshack could answer this for me. If you send a message to a woman you are interested in on a dating site, but she is not interested, would you prefer she a) simply not respond b) respond without giving a reason why she is not interested (something like: Thank you for your message, but I am not interested. Good luck!) c) respond and give a reason why she is not interested (e.g. I am looking to date someone who lives closer to me, is more in my age range, is less/more active, etc.) as long as it not hurtful (sorry, but I don't find you attractive). Unless you want to hear that too. Really appreciate your opinions! A guy emails you unsolicited: Ignore. After a date: Courtesy of a response please. 2
FitChick Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I wish websites would allow you to check an option like "If you are not interested:" please ignore mesay thank you, I'm not interestedtell me exactly why you aren't interested Some men get very angry when you reject them, no matter how nice or unemotionally you are. 2
ScienceGal Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I would respond if the message was polite and indicated that they actually read my profile. Many times men (and women) send out generic messages to a lot of people. Sometimes short and sexual in nature (gag). Basically, if you're taking the process seriously, I'll respect you enough to compose a response. As a woman, I would appreciate the same from a man. 3
fishtaco Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) Oops... mis-read the OP... my response didn't make sense... deleted it... Edited October 12, 2013 by fishtaco Bad reading comprehension on my part 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 If you had even 1 date and he messages you, respond. 2
gaius Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Replying and saying thanks but I don't feel any romantic connection is about as rude as you can get as a woman. He was nice enough to stroke your ego and express interest, you should return the favor and ignore him. Let his mind think whatever it wants for why you didnt reply. Instead of specificly stating he's unattractive.
Eleanore Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 How about just saying "I don't think we're a match, but thanks so much for the date"? Much of the time, there is no reason for the word "rejection" to even come into play. Both people should be assessing whether they are compatible or not, and it's not necessarily an insult to either party to conclude that it's just not a good fit. 1
FitChick Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Replying and saying thanks but I don't feel any romantic connection is about as rude as you can get as a woman. He was nice enough to stroke your ego and express interest, you should return the favor and ignore him. Let his mind think whatever it wants for why you didnt reply. Instead of specificly stating he's unattractive. You can find someone objectively attractive but not feel a spark or be romantically interested in them. Two different things.
MrCastle Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 LOL if a woman messaged me "thanks but I am not interested" -- it better be followed up with "because I get the feeling your penis may be too big for me." If she's not turning me down for possibly having an abnormally large penis, I don't want to hear from her. Actively telling someone you're not interested is worse than not answering at all. At least if they don't answer you can fill in the blanks with any number of things. Didn't see the message, felt you were too good for her, is secretly a lesbian, etc 1
Author Shosh Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 Thanks for your replies, they really help. I always feel bad for not replying if someone sends me a perfectly nice message, but I am not interested for some reason. But it sounds like the majority of men would rather be ignored than told I am not interested. So I am going to do this from now on. Just to clarify, I did not mean go silent after you have been on a date or two, but whether to ignore or respond to a first message. If anybody else wants to chime in to increase the validity of the statistical data, that would be great. 1
Mascara Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 This is one of those situations where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. You'll often get guys complaining about women ignoring their messages. Unfortunately, the reason we do that is because there are just as many guys who send you abuse if you turn them down nicely. Either because they feel excited when they see they have a new message and then disappointed. Or they'll actually try to argue with you about why you're wrong to not be attracted to them. I'd say ignore, unless someone has specifically requested an answer either way. 2
gaius Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 You can find someone objectively attractive but not feel a spark or be romantically interested in them. Two different things. Maybe to women but not to a guy. Getting rejected feels the same no matter if you think he's the most beautiful creature on the planet or the most hideous. You just don't want to sleep with him. Trying to offer a kind explanation does nothing except deny him the chance to go into denial. "Maybe she found a guy already, maybe she got hit by a bus, maybe she hasn't checked her messages, maybe she's not taking this seriously and just fishing, etc etc. I'm still a stud!"
gaius Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 You'll often get guys complaining about women ignoring their messages. They're dishonest, don't listen to them. 1
Joaquin Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I'd have thought not responding is best all round. It says everything that needs to be said without saying anything.
Philosopher Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I know some people will disagree, but I definitely prefer: a) simply not respond. The dating website I am on will send you an e-mail that you have a new message, lifting your hopes that the message I sent out was well received. If I subsequently log onto the site only to find it is "Thanks, but no thanks" message it becomes quite a big let down. Also in my experience the vast majority of women do not reply if they are not interested so most guys will probably not expect to respond if you are not interested.
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