Every single day

[Cinnimon]

I wake up with him on my mind. Hearing him say I love you and me thinking that this is not supposed to be what being loved feels like.

 

When am I going to rise up, push out my chest and say NO MORE?

 

I go about my days and nights trying to force the feelings from my heart and the thoughts from my mind, but it doesn't take away the hurt.

 

I read all of these stories on here and my heart aches for the others as I know that many are FAR deeper than I am. One thing is for sure though, heartbreak is universal........

 

I'm struggling today.....

[JPMC]

I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Try and do something that will channel you to get your mind off it. Workout, start a project at work etc.

 

No sappy love songs, movies, etc. Live in the beauty of today.

 

You have the right and power to control your happiness in the future. Find something today to be grateful for.

 

If you survive without contact, that is one more day closer to getting out of this mess.

[JPMC]

Cinnmon, your wrote this 3 weeks ago...

 

"All I can say is save yourself. I have been involved in an strictly emotional affair for three and a half years now. I sit here tonight alone and crying, trying to just feel an ounce of normal and I have never even met MM in person. I know that seems odd but it's true and we started off as just friends on a social network site. I know all of this is overwhelming and the rush of emotions can wrap you up quickly but please read, read , read these forums. For the most part it's like reading your fate.......'

 

If this was a stranger and you read this, wouldn't it sound illogical and ridiculous? What would you tell the poster? You've never met him! Put yourself in the shoes as if I'm posting this. What would you tell me? Now convince yourself.

 

You're addicted to the way he makes you feel.

 

Aren't you tired of feeling this way? Change your phone and email. Delete your social media account and don't contact him.

 

I promise you will feel better after a week. You'll have some rough moments. You're an addict weening off. But stay strong.

 

You're single and guys are asking you out! You're going to be great in a month if you just focus on healing. Make up your mind. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Edited October 11, 2013 by JPMC

[Cinnimon]

Cinnmon, your wrote this 3 weeks ago...

 

"All I can say is save yourself. I have been involved in an strictly emotional affair for three and a half years now. I sit here tonight alone and crying, trying to just feel an ounce of normal and I have never even met MM in person. I know that seems odd but it's true and we started off as just friends on a social network site. I know all of this is overwhelming and the rush of emotions can wrap you up quickly but please read, read , read these forums. For the most part it's like reading your fate.......'

 

If this was a stranger and you read this, wouldn't it sound illogical and ridiculous? What would you tell the poster? You've never met him! Put yourself in the shoes as if I'm posting this. What would you tell me? Now convince yourself.

 

You're addicted to the way he makes you feel.

 

Aren't you tired of feeling this way? Change your phone and email. Delete your social media account and don't contact him.

 

I promise you will feel better after a week. You'll have some rough moments. You're an addict weening off. But stay strong.

 

You're single and guys are asking you out! You're going to be great in a month if you just focus on healing. Make up your mind. You are sick and tired of being sick and tired.

 

JMPC, yes I did write that. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. It is completely illogical and sounds ridicules. Affairs in general are illogical and ridicules, I know this. We have not ever met in person, it has been purely emotional. Trust me, I completely agree with everything you've said. My head is there. I'm working on my heart. I'm here because I am trying to do what needs to be done. I am talking on here so I am not talking to him. Thank you for your words of support.

[Phoe]

Cinnimon, I ended thing with my AP today.

 

I deleted him on facebook, blocked him, and completely deactivated my account. I assume some day I'll get back on FB, and when that happens at least he will not be there for me to have to see again.

 

 

I deleted facebook from my browser and deleted the apps from my phone and tablet.

 

 

I removed his contact from my phone, deleted all messages, deleted all pictures, even pictures that REMINDED me of him.

 

 

I know he won't try to contact my phone, but just that simple fact alone hurts me, so I may turn my phone off completely and toss it under my bed so I don't have to be aware of the fact that he isn't trying to reach me.

 

 

I may also remove this website from my favorites list, so I'm not tempted to come here. I may shut down my tablet and computer altogether as well. I don't need the internet that badly. I will focus on work, the gym, and catch up on some television shows I've been putting off watching. Keep my mind somehow occupied. Even if its with mindless stuff.

 

 

My brain is pretty numb, but my heart feels like it's been put in a blender.

 

 

This is terrible right now, but I know it's what I have to do. And you have to do it too Cinnimon.

[Cali408]

Getting off electronics for the weekend is a great thing. Great work Phoe, you can do it!

 

What is great about this forum is it reminds you that you're not alone, have support and affirms you are making the right decisions no matter how painful.

 

The more comfortable you are doing the right thing, the happier you will be.

[Cinnimon]

Cinnimon, I ended thing with my AP today.

 

I deleted him on facebook, blocked him, and completely deactivated my account. I assume some day I'll get back on FB, and when that happens at least he will not be there for me to have to see again.

 

 

I deleted facebook from my browser and deleted the apps from my phone and tablet.

 

 

I removed his contact from my phone, deleted all messages, deleted all pictures, even pictures that REMINDED me of him.

 

 

I know he won't try to contact my phone, but just that simple fact alone hurts me, so I may turn my phone off completely and toss it under my bed so I don't have to be aware of the fact that he isn't trying to reach me.

 

 

I may also remove this website from my favorites list, so I'm not tempted to come here. I may shut down my tablet and computer altogether as well. I don't need the internet that badly. I will focus on work, the gym, and catch up on some television shows I've been putting off watching. Keep my mind somehow occupied. Even if its with mindless stuff.

 

 

My brain is pretty numb, but my heart feels like it's been put in a blender.

 

 

This is terrible right now, but I know it's what I have to do. And you have to do it too Cinnimon.

 

Phoe, I'm sorry, I know what it feels like to do what you have done. I did it once before and it hurt like hell. Like I said in my other post, it felt like I was dying and that he had died to. I fear the pain, yet I seem to live with pain over him everyday. Everyday I wake up hurting and contemplate doing exactly what you have done and it terrifies me. I don't know why it is so difficult to let go of someone I've never been with, but it is. I have started taking baby steps, that is why I am here. I thank you for being here too. I don't feel so alone in this. I need to let go of the fear of the pain I guess and instead of just letting it chip away at my heart, I need to just let it break!

[ConcreteHeart]

I started to make the breach the first week in May and I have been completely no contact for 2 weeks, so you can see..it takes time. Don't beat yourself up. You will let go when you feel that there is nothing left. For me it took him saying he doesn't love me and never did for me to fully open my eyes and put me first..