Ginaa Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 so, there is this guy who Ive had a first date with and it went great. We kept in contact while I went overseas for a bit, and he said that he had fallen in love with me.. Now since last week that I am back in the same country we planned to have our 2nd date and we were both really excited for it but when it turned out I couldnt make it that day things started to go wrong. When I asked him if we could meet the next day instead he said no, he had a lot of things to do.. then there was a gap in conversation for a few days and when I asked him why he is not in contact anymore he said, he doesnt have the time to write all the time.. but that he would write soon. Then when this weekend came around, I asked him so are you free this weekend, and he said that he couldnt promise anything. Then when I asked him just be honest with me tell me if this is not what you want anymore and he said to be truthfull, I dont know, I dont have the same feelings as I did at the start, Im really sorry. so what I dont understand is how things could have changed so quickly in a space of a week... any ideas what have might of been going on in his mind?
thompkevin Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 If he could fall in love in 1 date, he can probably fall out of love easily as well. 2
Mascara Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 He shouldn't have said that he'd fallen in love, but apart from that... this is what dating is. I really wish people would get that. You spend time with someone, go out get to know them. At any point in that process, either side can decide they're just not feeling it. There doesn't have to be a reason. There doesn't have to have been anything you've done. This is the part of the whole thing I hate - deciding not to date anyone any more. Because they always want a reason, and if I say that there isn't one - the truth - they insist that there must be. Why must there be? It's like saying - right, from the first date onwards, you can only break up with someone if they do something wrong, or you discover something bad about them. You're not allowed to simply decide that you just no longer want to date them. The last time someone broke up with me, I asked him if there was a reason. He said genuinely not. I said fine, all the best. I was disappointed, but I know that's just how it happens. For the first couple of months, or around a dozen dates - assume that you are both simply dating, with no guarantees. It would prevent a lot of worry about "reasons" if more people did that. 2
soccerrprp Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I simply do not believe that people "just" lose interest. There's always a reason. It may seem trivial for the person, but it is enough to feel less interested. Another thing based on the OP's description of what happened is insecurity and creeping doubt....let me explain. I know and have experienced this myself that when you are on a HIGH and excited and suddenly something bursts that bubble of euphoria, however brief, a temporal state of doubt can creep in. If you are naturally insecure (I am not), that temporal state begins manifest itself into perception and from there serious doubts about where or where one thinks the relationship is going to go. I felt something like this before when I first started dating again, but I belief it had to do with the fact that I was new to dating (after 15 years) and still at a loss from the loss of my late wife. I quickly came out of it by accepting the reality and letting things go. Anyway, another possibility is that the guy may have had another person on the side and when you burst his "excitement," he just gave up on you and decided to move on. Some people are really insecure and see any bump in the road as a sign of impending doom. He may be like that. 2
Mascara Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I simply do not believe that people "just" lose interest. There's always a reason. It may seem trivial for the person, but it is enough to feel less interested. Not for me. I've met someone, liked them, dated a few times and then as I've got to know the reality - as opposed to the guesswork - just not really wanted to take things further. In other words - the whole purpose of dating. No specific reason, I just don't feel they are for me.
soccerrprp Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Not for me. I've met someone, liked them, dated a few times and then as I've got to know the reality - as opposed to the guesswork - just not really wanted to take things further. In other words - the whole purpose of dating. No specific reason, I just don't feel they are for me. Mascara, You're not contradicting what I'm saying. After dating, you discovered some things about the guy that you didn't feel worked for you. Concrete. You should be able to verbalize why the guy wasn't right for you. People saying that they don't know, but when pressed, they come up with concrete reasons.
Mascara Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Truly, I'm not being pedantic here, but the last couple of guys I stopped seeing after a couple of dates... I still can't think of anything. "Not feeling it" is as much of a reason I could give. But that always led to "but why aren't you feeling it".
felicity1 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 If he could fall in love in 1 date, he can probably fall out of love easily as well. I believe this answers your query.
Skyraider829 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 He probably let his emotions get the best of him at first. Sometimes they can do that. 1
truth_seeker Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Happened to me. Immediately fell for a girl one night and then the next day saw a different side to her that changed the way I felt about her.
deathandtaxes Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Feeling's can change quickly. They are not rational. It happens. It happened to me in my last serious relationship. Two months in, things were great, and she pulled back, said she was feeling too much pressure. She went from this warm loving woman to a cold thing. The relationship teetered for over the next month until she said she just couldn't do it anymore.
Babolat Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 (edited) Red Flag! http://katabatic.tv/work/snl-red-flag/ Edited October 11, 2013 by Babolat
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