Ever feel like telling?

[TheOW]

Nunya are u sweetiepie by any chance your writing styles are very similar

[jlola]

Nunya are u sweetiepie by any chance your writing styles are very similar

 

I was thinking it, but you called it!

[Cali408]

As a WH, I wondered if my AP purposely got caught to expedite the situation. Doesn't matter, but if she called my wife, she would be dumped no ifs ands or buts.

 

My AP was married as well. OW's AP's, WW's we all know what we are getting into by cheating or enabling cheating. You don't like the situation, get out. You have the power of your life not someone else.

 

My advice to OW's would be, ultimatum. her or me. Right now, no promises give me the answer. But life is never black and white is it?

 

As an WW, my marriage was good. I was selfish and because I didn't want to "upset" (aren't I chivalrous? more like rock the boat) I wouldn't tell her the good things that happened. I led a complete double life.

 

What I'm trying to say is ladies, you're only hearing the bad stuff. You're not getting the complete marital story.

[HopingAgain]

SOLOSTAND, i would like to say that if you have the urge to tell do it and move on. know that you will have problems for a while but if you have nothing to lose and need the closure do it. i wish i did, it's too late now.

 

 

 

Ukh, i wish they could all read that. i don't post there but there was a thread going about moving on = pretending an ow never existed... really?!!? i think the term was "non-issue"

 

 

 

The BS in my situation was puzzled when she recently found out i had a bf and pregnant. she prob pictured me sitting at home every night wallowing in self pity because he had "chosen" her.. yeah ok.

 

 

 

This last contact with her was a month ago. I have long since moved on.. but she is still his doormat.

 

You have a boyfriend and a baby on the way, sounds like life is grand for you, so why are you still spewing bile towards MMs BS and calling her names? Are you not really over your MM?

[bentleychic]

You have no vested interest in anyone's story so you're here why?

 

NM...doesn't matter. I'll just implement the fabulous tools that LS offers us.

[AlwaysGrowing]

Can those of you explain, if you are of the belief that you owe the BS nothing, in regards to how they are being treated (lied to, cheated on, betrayed, talked about) how can one then hold the belief that the BS owes you letting go of the WS. How does it only work one way?

[Goodbye]

Can those of you explain, if you are of the belief that you owe the BS nothing, in regards to how they are being treated (lied to, cheated on, betrayed, talked about) how can one then hold the belief that the BS owes you letting go of the WS. How does it only work one way?

 

 

 

I haven't read any OW/OM saying the BS "owes" them letting go of the WS. Only that the AP should hold up promises. I certainly do not think the exBS owes me squat. Can you give examples of OW who think this?

[AlwaysGrowing]

I have read in other threads...about the BS should not hold onto the marriage.

Also, in threads where wanting to tell the BS, to make the WS "free".

 

Also, the OP here, saying she had a recording that would make the BS pack his bags.

In other words, I am going to do this, she will do that and I get what I want. Believing that you control the outcome. The BS is supposed to play along with the hidden agenda.

Edited October 11, 2013 by AlwaysGrowing

[goodyblue]

Well, if I were a BS I would not want to 'hold onto' the marriage if my H was sleeping around.

 

Also, the only one who freed my FMM was himself.

[threelaurels]

I have read in other threads...about the BS should not hold onto the marriage.

Also, in threads where wanting to tell the BS, to make the WS "free".

 

Also, the OP here, saying she had a recording that would make the BS pack his bags.

In other words, I am going to do this, she will do that and I get what I want. Believing that you control the outcome. The BS is supposed to play along with the hidden agenda.

 

I don't understand this mentality. If I was an OW, I would want my MM to leave the marriage because he wanted to, not because the BW threw him out! I don't want to be someone's second choice. I want a man who is willing to make mountains move to be with me

[Goodbye]

I have read in other threads...about the BS should not hold onto the marriage.

Also, in threads where wanting to tell the BS, to make the WS "free".

 

Also, the OP here, saying she had a recording that would make the BS pack his bags.

In other words, I am going to do this, she will do that and I get what I want. Believing that you control the outcome. The BS is supposed to play along with the hidden agenda.

 

 

I'm still stumped...haven't seen this and I've been here a while. Sure, I've seen BS's be urged by both OW and BS's to leave instead of reconciling if the WS is clearly a dog. But, the OW thinking the BS should just pack up and leave because the OW wants the WS? No. I doubt many if any OW have that mind set. Some are perplexed by the vigor in which many seem to want to reconcile...but again, those are probably the ones who only have little bits of their WS's truths about what went down.

 

I never thought the BS should play along with a hidden agenda. My exMM did...and when I found that out, we were done.

[GatsbyMH]

Geez! Yes. Yes I do. I was going to go into more detail of my relationship but this crap is hard to explain...lol. Doesn't make it any easier with the necessity of using a legend to decode the position people have in relationships (OW, OM, BS, etc.)

 

Suffice it to say I'm in love with a married woman. Her marriage is ending and she is trying to stay around as long as possible for her kids. She can't fathom the idea of shared custody. She wants to be with me. She isn't in love with her husband, I believe her. We were best friends for years before our relationship changed to something more intimate.

 

But yes, I am so tired of the lying. The jealousy. Of feeling like this man in the shadows she says makes her so happy but no one can know about me. She is my best friend and we really believe we are meant to be together.

 

I want to grab her at work in front of everyone and give her one helluva kiss and let the world burn as I do it. This would destroy her though. She wants it to change to but she has to do that in her own time.

[Phoe]

I actually spent a good hour this morning fantasizing about it. I know I never would though.

 

He knows I wouldn't either, even though he said he wouldn't blame me if I did, that he deserves it.

 

 

A few weeks ago we were on the phone until about 5 am, sometimes chatting and laughing, other times being melancholy and just sitting in silence for minutes at a time, feeling comforted by the white noise coming through the phone letting me know that he was there.

 

 

At one point when I was feeling down he said "You know you have a HUGE card to play, right?" and I was confused, I had no idea what he was getting at, I told him I didn't have any cards, he said "Yes you do. You really hold ALL the cards right now. You could call up my girlfriend right now and tell her everything. You have that power." I was just kinda stunned... I told him "I don't really feel like I have that "card" because that was never even a consideration for me. That never was an actual option to me, I would never do that no matter how angry I was at you".

 

 

Of course, this morning, for the first time ever... I fantasized about exactly what I would say to her.

 

 

and then I felt guilty for even thinking such a thing.

[krazikat]

Oh no no no... I dumped him the minute i found out he was leading her to believe their R was exclusive.. he told me he was seeing other people. this was a year+ ago. She asked for details, i ignored. Then when he wouldn't leave me alone she responded to one of my emails. I told them both to leave me alone and started an RO. They're now married with a child (and she has another). He hasn't stopped contact. Apparently she doesn't care.

 

Cheating is unforgiveable for me. But I have never faced infidelity in a marriage. Just don't see why you'd live your life waiting for that moment when your H lapses (and i hope he doesn't).

 

Hmmm...she asked you questions...so she was in fact trying to get to the truth...yet she has most likely been gas lighted by her wh, and when she asked you, you ignored and didn't tell her the truth...which leaves me confused cif...how exactly is she the idiot in this scenario? I may be missing something here so please correct me if I am wrong, but I really don't get it? I don't understand how ow can accuse the BS of ignoring "the truth" when the ow is helping to gas light and denying BS the truth...

[krazikat]

Why do BS's come on the OW forum and be rude? If you want to stay with a man who cheated on you, go ahead. But don't blame us. Blame HIM.

 

Actually, not all of the blunt responses come from strictly BS's...and I call them blunt but I didn't see anything rude, maybe I missed it...I just assumed if someone is willing to enjoy a relationship with a married person, they would also understand that not everyone is going to tell them what a great idea it is. People can be supportive to someone in pain without actually supporting the activity that caused the pain. Also, anyone can post here, or on infidelity...and there are others who love visiting infidelity and being snarky now and again. If you can't take the heat stay the **** out the kitchen, as people sometimes say.

[ComingInHot]

wisfulthinking wrote, " Anyone ever told anonymously? I know this is frowned upon, but for my own reasons, I'd prefer to not have it bite me. No, I'm not married, so it isn't that."

 

ExOW told me anon. Via email. I was thankful for her letting me know.*

 

**I hope that wasn't considered rude**

[GypsumSatellite]

I've entertained the thought because I myself would have wanted to know the depths of the disrespect. Thing is, she's aware of our A and stays with a blind eye towards it all, so what would my admission accomplish? Nothing.

 

Besides, she lives with him full-time. That's trouble enough.

[loveofhorses1970]

Two nights ago, I reached the turning point and told the BS. The only way I had to contact her was via message on Facebook. I sent her a message. I gave her all the information I could and came clean with her. I sent her a link to his online dating profile. I gave her my cell number if she had any additional questions. I did this because this had to stop. This would permanently end the A. It will make him hate me, with no chance of him ever coming back. And it was the right thing for me to do, in such a wrong situation I had allowed myself to get into in the first place. I realize I've opened myself up to whatever she wants to do in retaliation, but I still had to do it in order to move on with my life. She has sent me one text message saying a few things to me, but all in all she was nice about it. She has every right to feel the way she feels. She says she won't contact me again, and expects the same from me. But I know anger gets the best of people, so I'm prepared to hear from her again. I don't care if she kicks him to the curb or not, I don't want him. I just want to be free of the entire situation and the only way that would happen, for me to begin to heal, is for me to confess.

[loveofhorses1970]

Thank you for your kind words. She did thank me, both in the messages on Facebook and her text to me. It does sound right now like she will keep him, and I think right now she blames me more for letting it happen. I had told her how he portrayed their relationship to be living together as ex-spouses for kids only. I'm sure much of that is shock and bewilderment, as she referred to him as her husband in her text. I'm also sure he'll continue to show his true colors. Hopefully, she will know what to be looking for now that she knows. As her angry comes and goes, I fully expect her to text me again. She also mentioned she has said her piece to both of us now. Regardless, I'm glad I told her and I hope to never hear from him again.

[hippetyhop]

Two nights ago, I reached the turning point and told the BS. The only way I had to contact her was via message on Facebook. I sent her a message. I gave her all the information I could and came clean with her. I sent her a link to his online dating profile. I gave her my cell number if she had any additional questions. I did this because this had to stop. This would permanently end the A. It will make him hate me, with no chance of him ever coming back. And it was the right thing for me to do, in such a wrong situation I had allowed myself to get into in the first place. I realize I've opened myself up to whatever she wants to do in retaliation, but I still had to do it in order to move on with my life. She has sent me one text message saying a few things to me, but all in all she was nice about it. She has every right to feel the way she feels. She says she won't contact me again, and expects the same from me. But I know anger gets the best of people, so I'm prepared to hear from her again. I don't care if she kicks him to the curb or not, I don't want him. I just want to be free of the entire situation and the only way that would happen, for me to begin to heal, is for me to confess.

 

Congrats on the courage of letting her know. Despite how hard it is for her (and you--you have feelings as well), deep down she'll be thankful.

 

I didn't tell the BS, and honestly I don't think I would have the courage to do so. I can't put on paper as to why I can't--I'm not saying I wouldn't share; I just don't know how to say it.

 

Bold move for letting her know about the online profile. My xMM's wife found out about an old account he had. When the A was nearing the end due to her finding out, he was still scared as to what was going to happen. He knew she was onto something, so he took it down before she would see it. However, she knew before it was removed and was informed that it was gone.

 

Think about this with online profiles--he put one up before, and there is no guarantee he won't do it another way but be a bit more discreet and get one back up and going. He can easily get a pre-paid credit card and use a paid site that only paid members can see. I think that is what my xMM did. Hopefully when the dust settles, she can get some closure with what she found from you.

[brightonrock]

Yes I've told his partner more than once. Its always been anon but she knew it was me. Its caused no end of problems between me and him but I don't regret anything. And he still hasn't given up! affair has been going on nearly eight years now

Edited October 14, 2013 by brightonrock

[solostand]

 

Also, the OP here, saying she had a recording that would make the BS pack his bags.

In other words, I am going to do this, she will do that and I get what I want. Believing that you control the outcome. The BS is supposed to play along with the hidden agenda.

 

Actually, in the tape the MM says something so horrible and mean about the BS that I can't imagine any wife would be able to forgive. I know I wouldn't. I think it shows his true feelings for her.

[brightonrock]

Yes I am involved in an external relationship experiencethedivine, and no I don't mind you asking. Its such a complicated story, nearly eight years long! so I guess I have plenty of experience in this madness!

[ladydesigner]

Actually, in the tape the MM says something so horrible and mean about the BS that I can't imagine any wife would be able to forgive. I know I wouldn't. I think it shows his true feelings for her.

 

 

Well what an absolute douche for him talking like that. I would have been appalled, OW or not Sorry not an attractive quality.

[solostand]

Well what an absolute douche for him talking like that. I would have been appalled, OW or not Sorry not an attractive quality.

 

I was shocked and appalled. Even called him "evil" which is on the tape. He has a lot of pent up anger and resentment towards her.