Jump to content

Ever feel like telling?

solostand

By solostand
in The Other Man / Woman

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

Posted
Posted
Yes, sometimes I feel like telling. Then i think about the drama it would cause in my life and stop the thoughts. In the beginning I felt guilty for not telling her the truth... i just wanted XBF to go away. Then when I sent her an email that he wasn't leaving me alone even during her pregnancy she sent me a nasty response. So no truth for her!!! And a part of me loves that she's living a sham of a M with her head deep in the sand. Idiot.

 

It sounds like you are jealous of her honestly. Why so much hate for a woman who has done nothing to you but be the recipient of you screwing her husband behind her back?

  • Like 1
goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted

Why do BS's come on the OW forum and be rude? If you want to stay with a man who cheated on you, go ahead. But don't blame us. Blame HIM.

  • Like 2
KentuckyGent Established Member

KentuckyGent

Posted
Posted
It sounds like you are jealous of her honestly. Why so much hate for a woman who has done nothing to you but be the recipient of you screwing her husband behind her back?

 

 

I was the same way during the A. I hated the BS/H that I had never even seen in person and whom I knew nothing about. Jealousy? Maybe. Hatred? Not really. He had what I (at the time) wanted. Now I feel sorry for what he's gone through, hell he may have cheated on her as well. I don't know, not my business anymore. But if she sends me another stupid ass video out of the blue, I might just decide to make it my business.

  • Like 5
underwater2010 Established Member

underwater2010

Posted
Posted
Why do BS's come on the OW forum and be rude? If you want to stay with a man who cheated on you, go ahead. But don't blame us. Blame HIM.

Who is being rude? I haven't seen anything bad yet.

  • Like 2
goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted

Hoping Again said "Sounds like you're jealous of her, honestly"... that's rude.

  • Like 2
cif Established Member

cif

Posted
Posted
It sounds like you are jealous of her honestly. Why so much hate for a woman who has done nothing to you but be the recipient of you screwing her husband behind her back?

 

He wasn't her husband then, she married him desite knowing he's a gaslighting serial cheater... desperate much? Sometimes i get those "she has my man" moments but that's only when i see their faux happy pics on fb... so i blocked ha! problem solved.

Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

Posted
Posted

goodyblue relax.....

 

A betrayed spouse on here is trying to understand the other half. What they don't sometimes understand is how f'd up we all get in the midst of an affair. If you've been a WW you say, "yeah, that happened I get it." But not being in that situation, the BS thinks, this is the most ridiculous, stupidest, pick another superlative line of garbage I've ever read.

 

All of us who have cheated need to understand the hurt we've put our families and their families through by our selfishness. I hate my AP's STBX, (because he's abusive), but at this point, I know the damage I did and am contrite. My confession up top was when I was insane.

 

CIF, great work blocking on facebook

  • Like 5
goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted

Hm. Perhaps I should relax. This is not my circumstance so I should just be quiet I suppose.

threelaurels Established Member

threelaurels

Posted
Posted
He wasn't her husband then, she married him desite knowing he's a gaslighting serial cheater... desperate much? Sometimes i get those "she has my man" moments but that's only when i see their faux happy pics on fb... so i blocked ha! problem solved.

 

FYI, insulting her long after your relationship with him has ended makes you sound bitter and jealous to most people. Just forget about her. The more you dwell on that hatred, the harder you are making it for yourself to move on.

  • Like 2
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted
Oh no no no... I dumped him the minute i found out he was leading her to believe their R was exclusive.. he told me he was seeing other people. this was a year+ ago. She asked for details, i ignored. Then when he wouldn't leave me alone she responded to one of my emails. I told them both to leave me alone and started an RO. They're now married with a child (and she has another). He hasn't stopped contact. Apparently she doesn't care.

 

Cheating is unforgiveable for me. But I have never faced infidelity in a marriage. Just don't see why you'd live your life waiting for that moment when your H lapses (and i hope he doesn't).

 

 

Well I guess then if the BS knows about the broken NC and hasn't done anything maybe she is in the M for something besides love. I truly love my WH. He has broken my heart and I have broken his. This stuff is so hard to navigate. I never thought I would stay with a cheater (let alone a serial cheat). The only reason I haven't left is because my WH is doing all of the heavy lifting in R and seems to really want this M and he wants to change. We both have issues we need to work on.

 

As far as the bolded, I know it seems crazy but I want to believe him, so time will tell. I won't be disappointed if he does. I know my WH has some very real personality disordered issues and it is not a reflection on me. I am meeting those needs that went unmet before his A and he is meeting mine, but you just never know.

  • Like 2
cif Established Member

cif

Posted
Posted

SOLOSTAND, i would like to say that if you have the urge to tell do it and move on. know that you will have problems for a while but if you have nothing to lose and need the closure do it. i wish i did, it's too late now.

 

Why do BS's come on the OW forum and be rude? If you want to stay with a man who cheated on you, go ahead. But don't blame us. Blame HIM.

 

Ukh, i wish they could all read that. i don't post there but there was a thread going about moving on = pretending an ow never existed... really?!!? i think the term was "non-issue" :eek:

 

I think that's such a common misconception about OWs. Jealous? Of being with a known cheater??

 

The BS in my situation was puzzled when she recently found out i had a bf and pregnant. she prob pictured me sitting at home every night wallowing in self pity because he had "chosen" her.. yeah ok.

 

FYI, insulting her long after your relationship with him has ended makes you sound bitter and jealous to most people. Just forget about her. The more you dwell on that hatred, the harder you are making it for yourself to move on.

 

This last contact with her was a month ago. I have long since moved on.. but she is still his doormat.

  • Like 2
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted
...do elaborate.

 

If I catch my WH cheating again or breaking NC with MOW, I have my lawyer set with papers ready to go. I have a financial back-up plan and my own mental safety plan. In other words I am not scared to D.

 

Deep.

 

Thanks :o

 

 

Answers in bold

  • Like 2
jlola Established Member

jlola

Posted
Posted
I have this recurring fantasy when I call up the MM's wife and say "Hello. My name is Solostand and I have been having an affair with your husband for one year." And then give all the gory details.

 

I don't think I would actually do this but I am expecting her call any day. She has in fact called me twice demanding to know who I was (my number showed up on their phone) and I lied I think convincingly.

 

Sometimes I just want to get it over with and let the chips fall where they may.

 

Tell! For crying out loud ,why are OW so afraid to call the spouse and tell. Would you rather be caught up in a long term affair that drags on? Look on this board, 5 yrs of crazy making cake eating, 8 years of crazy making cake eating. Why? No man is worth that. If they are going to leave, it is usually sooner rather than later. remember that!!!

 

 

Sometimes I think deep down, OW fear no matter how much love MM professed, he will throw them under the bus and be very angry he lost control of 2 women if they tell.

 

I have the sort of personality that needs to confront. Noone is going to control my life or keep me a secret. Put it all in the open. He either is yours or not. Better to find out sooner than spend years of your life building a deeper bond and missed opportunities with someone legit who can really love you.

 

The affair really does make addicts out of OW. Gain control and tell!

  • Like 4
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted
Why do BS's come on the OW forum and be rude? If you want to stay with a man who cheated on you, go ahead. But don't blame us. Blame HIM.

 

 

How are the BS's being rude exactly?

 

And as far as the blame... well in my own situation as a BS, the blame is sitting squarely on my WH's shoulders. MOW was his accomplice.:cool:

  • Like 2
WishfulThinking74 Member

WishfulThinking74

Posted
Posted

I am very seriously considering telling the BS. I don't have her contact info at work, and if I mail her anything to the home, he will intercept it. Not sure how to tell her, but I think it is time she knows the truth. He claims he told her and she was "fine" with just being friends and living together to raise their kid. For some reason, I don't think she really knows the truth.

 

Anyone ever told anonymously? I know this is frowned upon, but for my own reasons, I'd prefer to not have it bite me. No, I'm not married, so it isn't that.

hollyhillcourt Established Member

hollyhillcourt

Posted
Posted
Well I guess then if the BS knows about the broken NC and hasn't done anything maybe she is in the M for something besides love.

 

Trying to make sense of this myself and so has my exMM. My exMM has been caught twice calling me. BS blocked my number from his phone. What does he do? He calls me from his office and his hotel. It's not every day. And we don't discuss getting back together. He's still lost and confused and depressed. It's a sad situation. I have encouraged him to try and work it.

 

Luckily (not really) my mother has some serious health issues so that is ALL I have been consumed with.

TheOW Established Member

TheOW

Posted
Posted
I think this is correct and explains why OW have so much hatred for the BS. OW knows deep down If they spill the beans and inform the betrayed, forcing a DDay, the MM will dump them, running back to the wife, throwing them under the bus. Yet, they hate the BS, because shouldn't she know? Why would she stay with a man who is so obviously in love with someone else? It's gotta be crazy making,

 

NOT ALL OW HATE THE BS!!!!!!!

 

when will people get this into their skulls we r not all alike.

  • Like 4
bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

Posted
Posted
I am very seriously considering telling the BS. I don't have her contact info at work, and if I mail her anything to the home, he will intercept it. Not sure how to tell her, but I think it is time she knows the truth. He claims he told her and she was "fine" with just being friends and living together to raise their kid. For some reason, I don't think she really knows the truth.

 

Anyone ever told anonymously? I know this is frowned upon, but for my own reasons, I'd prefer to not have it bite me. No, I'm not married, so it isn't that.

As I suggested to j'adore in the other thread, if you want information to get to someone without being intercepted, the best way other than having them served is usps certified RESTRICTED mail. Restricted means that ONLY the recipient can sign for it. Certified will also let you know when it was received and signed for. So he cannot sign for it. He CAN deny receipt of it without telling her, though and it would just come back to you.

 

Trust me.

  • Like 3
goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted

I certainly don't have my FMM's ex wife. It also didn't make me crazy. It was just a natural progression of things.

ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
Posted
NOT ALL OW HATE THE BS!!!!!!!

 

when will people get this into their skulls we r not all alike.

 

I know I think emotions get heated. Everyone is obviously different and their situations. I agree.

bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

Posted
Posted
I think this is correct and explains why OW have so much hatred for the BS. OW knows deep down If they spill the beans and inform the betrayed, forcing a DDay, the MM will dump them, running back to the wife, throwing them under the bus. Yet, they hate the BS, because shouldn't she know? Why would she stay with a man who is so obviously in love with someone else? It's gotta be crazy making,

I don't hate MM's wife in any way, shape or form. I have absolutely no reason to.

HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

Posted
Posted
Hoping Again said "Sounds like you're jealous of her, honestly"... that's rude.

 

That is not rude, it's called making an observation, and one that was based off of the posters own words.

HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

Posted
Posted
I think that's such a common misconception about OWs. Jealous? Of being with a known cheater??

 

But it's the same known cheater who many OWs pine away for and wait for their turns to replace the wife for, so this is no argument or misconception.

HopingAgain Established Member

HopingAgain

Posted
Posted
Why do BS's come on the OW forum and be rude? If you want to stay with a man who cheated on you, go ahead. But don't blame us. Blame HIM.

 

I get so tired of the labeling when someone challenges the Affairyland POV and tries to insert some objective reality. If it makes you feel better, imagine I posted what I did with my former OW hat on, or former WS for that matter :rolleyes:

  • Like 2
bentleychic Established Member

bentleychic

Posted
Posted
Again, didn't lump all OW into my post, and wasn't pointing fingers at you or any one else. Sorry you feel the need to defend yourself, wasn't the point. My post was an observations of "some" attitudes I've seen here. Also seems like common sense. Self preservation and all. :cool:

"Some OW" rather than just "OW" probably would have helped that generalization assumption on our parts. ;)

 

If someone says something that sounds pointed at a specific group that I fall in to and I don't fit that generalization, yup, I'll defend myself. :)

  • Like 3
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...