Nat_14 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 So, i'm not sure if this is the right place for me - but worth a try. So many people on here, I can relate to at the moment. I never thought I'd ever need to look at one of these forums let alone be able to post in it. My reationship breakup has been one of the most devastating things to happen to me. It was so sudden and I am still in so much shock. All I feel is pain. One day we were viewing new houses to move in to. The next day - he just couldn't do it. He's always had an issue whether he was going to be good enough for me/love me as much as i deserved. We were friends (not close but used to work for the same company) before and have known eachother a long time. He has two children from a previous marraige that was awful for him and I, of course formed a deep bond with these girls too. We had them for everyweekend from when I first ever started seeing him. We were together for 1 year and 3 months and to adjust to life without him and them now, everyday seems to be getting just that little bit harder. In that time he showed me wonderful things, we had everything in commen, three amazing holidays and a wonderful christmas. I can't even really say we had our issues, because we didn't. We were moving in a great direction and I felt so happy, loved and secure He's a good man, and this isn't just an upset ex girlfriend defending him. He's a wreck, I'm a wreck. I have alot of family and friends support and I know this is going to be my key out of this. It's so so pianful to write this down, but any words of wisdom and tips for the shock and how to even start to think about making such a huge adjustment would be greatly appreciated. I moved my things out the same day this all happened. And I had to say goodbye to everything I knew and loved all in a moment.
headinthecloud Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I'm so sorry youre going through this, I can't imagine how you're feeling. It seems that it just isn't a long term match in his eyes. No rhyme or reason. This is the hardest kind of BU in my mind because you both love each other but it still just doesn't work. My advice, don't try to understand it because you won't be able to find an answer. Be glad that you had each other for the time you did and go NC (no contact) - NC is the only way to heal and move on. Read Barky2's post as well on NC, it will help a lot. And keep yourself busy - go to the gym, take a class on something you've always wanted to learn...focus all those thoughts and energy on you. It's really important for you to go NC, it's for your wellbeing. The hard part is over, the rebuilding of your life starts now. And when it feels like it's too much, post here. We're here to support you through this. You're not alone. 1
thompkevin Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Hey, Just know that the pain will get better. You will again learn to be happy and you will fall in love again. It will just take time. But no matter how bad things get, just remember in your heart that time will heal it. 1
barky2 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Thx for sharing, we aren't that bad are we? I don't think any of us at first thought we'd share our story,but yet we are all here I think I read every single thread on here 10 times before finally posting But I'm also living proof (as many other members) there's still a beautiful life out there after heartbreak Ok now. It seems like he has a lot of personal problems You cannot be the one to fix him Change comes from within Some people never change because they don't realize they need to They think it's everyone else It's time to focus on areas in your life that you'd like to improve on Anything. Just dive in. Engulf yourself in it. Why the heck not? This is your time And from personal experience, the longer you dwell,question,speculate ect the longer you will be held back,chained down,stuck in mud and can't move. But the day you put your hands up and say screw this,you're sick of it,that's the first day of healing and moving on. You guys broke up,it sucks,but it's also reality. So come to terms with it. Cry let it out,get mad whatever Just come to terms with it. You will be fine. That's my promise. But also come back after you've moved on and happy again, and tell me I was right Stay strong Barky
Author Nat_14 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Thank you for your words of support. The smallest things are the hardest. It's just been a complete shock and I am trying my very hardest to continue. I know that life doesn't stop for anyone or anything. I just miss him & every little moment of everything terribly. I'm trying to take each moment at a time. We had plans, and we had a lovely little life together & the other half of me feels missing. And there's not even an argument or a point where it was cooling off - we bought a new mattress and bits for the house on the Sunday, Weds morning we went to view 4 houses & Thurs night it was all taken. Thank you guys for listening, even just reading. I'm trying.
headup Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Terrible to hear. My story is similar and I appreciate what you're going through. I'm now just over 1 month post BU and 10 days NC. The best advice I've had is to take it one day at a time. I know it sounds cliche, but really think about what that means. Take care of what needs to get done every day. Fulfill your goals and ambitions for the day and be proud of what you did. Part of those goals should be not to contact him. Don't actively try to get over him, and don't try to reconcile. Let time work, because it's the only thing that works. The biggest motivator for me is to think that any grovelling will push her further away. Stay strong during this difficult time. Surround yourself with friends and other supports. Good luck.
Chi townD Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Wow, no clear cut reason as to why he wanted to end things? That sucks because not only did you love this guy, you got emotionally involved with his girls as well. I'm sorry you're going through this. But, as the other posters said, it's time to start taking care of yourself. Take it one day at a time. On the bad days, just jump on here and post something. ANYTHING! If you need to vent, people will be here to listen.
Anethen Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I know how you are feeling. I just posted my first thread today, never thought I would do something like that. My ex left me 6 weeks ago, it was VERY sudden, no issues/problems in our relationship. We were together for 2.5 yrs and we always talked about our future. We were thinking of getting engaged this year. I promise it will get better. Like everyone said, take it a day at a time. Each week gets better for me, but it's still really hard. I'm at the point where I don't want to text him anymore. My problem is that I can't get him out of my head. I think about him literally all day. I don't think about what he's doing, I just think about what we had and miss being with him. The hardest part is that he's already hanging out with another girl (rebound). Occupy your time with what makes you happy at that moment. Most people will say to get out of the house, go out with friends, but for me it makes it worse. I don't want to leave the house, I just want to stay in as much as possible. That's what makes me happy at the moment, so that's what I'm going to do until I'm ready to go out again and try to have fun. So, if staying in and cuddled up is what makes you happy, don't be ashamed to do it. You can't force yourself to go out. Just do what you feel is comfortable. Just hang in there. It's hard to go day to day without someone who has been in your life for a while and who makes you happy. But it gets better.
Author Nat_14 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 Thanks, I'm just going to try and take each moment and stage of the day/night one moment at a time. Thinking about future plans we had and were very close to doing so happily is not going to help, I know all this, but I'm only a person who fell in love & sometimes I can't help myself. It's only been a week & I know this is going to take a very long time... I'm am utterly shocked at all of the stories & experiences on here. To know that so so many people are suffering. Because I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone in this world.
Anethen Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I'm am utterly shocked at all of the stories & experiences on here. To know that so so many people are suffering. Because I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone in this world. Me too, it's crazy how many people are going through the same types of things that I am. I always thought that posting on threads was kinda weird, but it's really helping me. I know my friends and family are tired of me talking about my break up- it's been over a month. It's nice to talk on here because people can sympathize better- they are or have been going through similar situations. I have kept saying to my fam/friends that I wouldn't wish this feeling upon my worst enemy.
Recommended Posts