Encouragement needed

[lylat333]

75 days since the true breakup and last phone call with my ex.

55 days since I attempted contact with her (NC as far as she's concerned)

1 month since blocking her on Facebook (true NC)

 

Every day since late July has been a struggle. I've tried to do all the right things... focus on myself, be productive, eat well, interact with friends and family.

 

Yet, I still think about my ex almost 24/7. Some nights like tonight I'm so hearbroken and alone.

 

Today I had a headache leaving work and felt like I can't endure this anymore. I got home and within an hour I crashed on my bed and took a nap, still in my office clothes. I don't regret being more productive because I know I needed the rest.

 

This breakup shattered my heart. I still don't really understand it. Ever since I've been on LS I've tried to take to heart that you shouldn't seek closure from another person, it must come from within. But I am still on a rollercoaster of torment... unable to make peace or sense of the end of the relationship.

 

At first I was convinced she would come around soon and everything would be OK. Early on each night I anticipated a possible phone call or text. That transitioned into bitterness. I convinced myself looking back on how it all went down she left me for someone else even though I can't be 100% sure.

 

For a while, I haven't even wanted her back as a girlfriend. But I wish she would come back, even if it's just so I can ignore her. Just to see she missed me even an ounce or gave a small enough care to reach out again. I know everyone will tell me and I would tell someone else in my situation it doesn't matter what she thinks. But I absolutely and totally believe we loved each other, and I cared about her so much. My sadness has more to do with grieving the loss of a relationship, it feels like someone I love passed away.

 

Now I feel I'm falling into a rut. I sometimes still look for hope, I wish she would reach out. It helps me function for a while if tell myself I know this was a mistake that shouldn't have happened. But I don't want false hope. But if she never reaches out, I feel I'm resigned to continue feeling this way for who knows how long and it terrifies me.

 

It doesn't help that I have nothing else on the horizon, I'll admit. I wish a girl who was perfect for me would fall from the sky but until that happens I'm trudging forward. I feel I'm ready for the right person, but I also worry there's something inherently wrong for me thinking I need a romantic partner to be happy.

 

Anyway, I feel totally beat down. This past week I feel like I'm getting to my wit's end and I'm regressing. I don't know what to do. I have surges of optimism every once in a while but deep down I feel pretty empty, sad to admit. I've thought about moving to a place that might have more opportunities romantically but I don't want to feel like I'm running from my problems or having my life dominated by my romantic desires. It's so, so hard for me to even see someone as attractive after the falling out with my ex. There are at least a few women I could meet up with but I can't see it going anywhere. I don't want to lead them on and while the companionship/closeness sounds nice, the thought of having sex with them doesn't excite me.

 

Any encouragement, positive words, anything appreciated. It feels like I've been in NC for months, it's felt like an eternity. I'm 27, I think I have a lot going for me but it honest to goodness feels like I'm never going to find someone. I went through similar feelings a couple of years ago but it's gotten worse this time around and I'm getting so sick of feeling like this. I'm going to try and take baby steps to continue to branch out but it feels like I'm putting a lot out there into the world and not getting much in return. Meanwhile I feel like my ex doesn't have a care in the world, she is able to enjoy all that is in her life without ever having to give a second thought to me. I think I've improved upon the person she fell in love with, but she doesn't love me anymore and it just kills me.

[NomiMalone]

My heart goes out to you as I came out of a relationship a few months ago as well and I know exactly how devastating and debilitating it is. You can (and have done) all the right things, and they will definitely help you move on, but ultimately, letting go is not something you can consciously do, and similarly, closure is not something you can will yourself to arrive at. These things will only come with time. Meanwhile, you can only be good to yourself and easy on yourself, as you're going through immense grief. Spend the entire day in bed watching movies, or doing absolutely nothing if you want to. Go out and spend $100 on a nice takeaway dinner if you feel like. Get a massage, or expensive haircut. Whatever you feel like treating yourself to. For weeks after my breakup, I was obsessed with working out why he could've hurt me the way he did, because I too believed wholeheartedly (and still do) that he loved me with all his heart, as much as I loved him. In the end, I never really found that understanding, which for me was hard to accept. But as time passed, the question of why mattered less and less as the pain faded.

 

While its true that we shouldn't need a partner in our lives to make us happy and fulfilled, the reality is that humans are social creatures who need love and companionship to truly be happy, so its perfectly normal to want to find someone. We all do, and most of us would be lying if we said we're truly happy being alone. Concentrate on yourself for now, and the right person will come along when you least expect it and are truly ready for it.

 

One last thing I wanted to point out was that the bleak outlook you feel in life right now might be due to a bit of circumstantial depression (depression not brought about by a chemical imbalance in your brain, but by a traumatic event in life, which is perfectly normal post break up). Seeking help from a counsellor might not be a bad idea.

[lookingforbalance]

lylat, you are not alone, believe me. Everything you are feeling I have felt and am feeling at this time as well. Nomi has some great insight, and obviously understands as well. Sometimes when I get on these forums and see the consistent advice, I am in agreement, but it is very hard to apply it in our own situations. But I do know that if I hadn't forced myself to stay active with friends and family, and at least set up a couple of dates that I can just go and have fun, I would be in a much darker place than I was when she broke it off two months ago. And yes, I too believe that she is having the time of her life right now with someone else, not dealing with the fallout of feelings she left behind in our relationship. But keep in mind that things aren't always what they appear to be. She may have glossed over the feelings from the relationship, putting them off so she doesn't have to face them. At some point I believe she will have to deal with that, while we deal with it now so we will truly be ready for the next partner that comes along.

I think the best that you can do is reflect, take responsibility for any mistakes that you made in the relationship, learn from them, and apply what you learned next time around.

This time in our lives truly sucks, just try to think of it as a process of growth, to be able to rely more on ourselves for our happiness, and not other people. It will make you a better partner in the future.

Take care my brother.

[sealyons]

hang in there mate. It will pass. The intensity of pain is slowly becoming less and less no matter how unnoticeable it is. Ask yourself, how were you during the first month of the BU? Look where you are now.

 

Cut the hope. You've been holding on to something because you don't want to lose, but you are also losing your mind. it's not living.

 

Try something new. Learn new things. Don't just fall on going through to your daily routine. it is best that you try something different, something you havent done before.

[lylat333]

Thank you all so, so much for the encouragement.

 

You can (and have done) all the right things, and they will definitely help you move on, but ultimately, letting go is not something you can consciously do, and similarly, closure is not something you can will yourself to arrive at. These things will only come with time. Meanwhile, you can only be good to yourself and easy on yourself, as you're going through immense grief. Spend the entire day in bed watching movies, or doing absolutely nothing if you want to. Go out and spend $100 on a nice takeaway dinner if you feel like. Get a massage, or expensive haircut. Whatever you feel like treating yourself to.

 

Thank you for this. I guess I've come to feel it is a failure on my part to not feel I have closure yet. I'm going to adopt the mindset you've offered that I shouldn't concern myself with consciously finding closure, but allow it to happen. I'm not getting any new information and I'm driving myself insane trying to find peace. It's hard for me and against my nature but I think I need to just let it be and allow a subconscious change to take place.

 

I have been trying to splurge on myself, which I agree helps. I've been scheduling monthly massage appointments, getting nice haircuts... I think this past week I've been beating myself up for feeling I'm not being productive enough. I feel so inferior to the bigger, taller guys I envision my ex seeing in the bars/clubs... even though I know I'm a fit person and can see progress when I look in the mirror. But I feel like I'm playing catch-up to whoever the new man may be.

 

I've thought about seeing a counselor again (I got 6 free visits through work)... I'll give it a little more time and see how I feel. Maybe this 3-day weekend will be good for me.

 

And yes, I too believe that she is having the time of her life right now with someone else, not dealing with the fallout of feelings she left behind in our relationship. But keep in mind that things aren't always what they appear to be. She may have glossed over the feelings from the relationship, putting them off so she doesn't have to face them. At some point I believe she will have to deal with that, while we deal with it now so we will truly be ready for the next partner that comes along.

I think the best that you can do is reflect, take responsibility for any mistakes that you made in the relationship, learn from them, and apply what you learned next time around.

 

Thank you for this. I really struggle with this because it would give me SO much hope if I knew it were true or very likely to be true I am dealing with the fallout now while my ex has swept it under the rug. I've experienced it as the dumper. But I freak out when I start to feel that maybe this is all my fault... or she has at least twisted and turned the events to convince herself she wasn't in the wrong and totally justified for breaking up with me. And while I still care about her I do in a twisted way wish her ill will... I don't want her to enjoy the "living it up" life. I've been stuck hoping she'll have a rude awakening and begin to miss me.

 

hang in there mate. It will pass. The intensity of pain is slowly becoming less and less no matter how unnoticeable it is. Ask yourself, how were you during the first month of the BU? Look where you are now.

 

Cut the hope. You've been holding on to something because you don't want to lose, but you are also losing your mind. it's not living.

 

Try something new. Learn new things. Don't just fall on going through to your daily routine. it is best that you try something different, something you havent done before.

 

You're right, I know I'm doing better than the first month but I feel like I've hit a plateau. Maybe I just need to push through it.

 

I will admit I can't cut the hope.... and it is causing me to lose my mind. I'm going to use your post though as inspiration to do something I've been meaning to do for at least a couple of weeks now. Look into getting in on board/card gaming through a local game shop. You all have helped me get through the day and keep hanging in there. I'm definitely "faking it until I make it"... I would be mortified if my ex knew I was still struggling so much. When we were still FB friends at the end I had a lot of improvements going on so I hope that's what she remembers. Even though I shouldn't care so much.

[lookingforbalance]

Thank you all so, so much for the encouragement.

 

Thank you for this. I really struggle with this because it would give me SO much hope if I knew it were true or very likely to be true I am dealing with the fallout now while my ex has swept it under the rug. I've experienced it as the dumper. But I freak out when I start to feel that maybe this is all my fault... or she has at least twisted and turned the events to convince herself she wasn't in the wrong and totally justified for breaking up with me. And while I still care about her I do in a twisted way wish her ill will... I don't want her to enjoy the "living it up" life. I've been stuck hoping she'll have a rude awakening and begin to miss me.

 

The last thing you want to do is draw ANY hope from her NOT dealing with the fallout now. That is on her and will affect her down the road. It does NOT mean she has any regrets or is second-guessing. Remember:

She left, that means she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

This sucks, but it is a cold, hard fact.

Also, dumpers are very good at re-writing the history of the relationship, and "mis-remembering". But it doesn't matter now. What matters is that you take away what you can from the relationship, mistakes and all, and learn from it. She certainly isn't going to have a come-to-Jesus and all of a sudden have remorse for what she did to you. If that were the case, she wouldn't have treated you that way in the first place. The best you can do is hope for an apology way down the road, after this is all over and under the bridge, but you certainly can't expect it.

For your last comment, that is natural to feel that way early on, maybe even for several months after the break-up. But to completely heal, you will have to let go and forgive eventually, and when you do, you will want her happiness the same that you want for yourself. If you don't you will never heal, and become bitter at the world.

So take in the hurt, engulf it, and go through it, its the only way out to a better life ahead. If you take on the grief now and deal with it, it won't last nearly as long. But in order to do that you have to stop hoping.

You can do it.

[lylat333]

The last thing you want to do is draw ANY hope from her NOT dealing with the fallout now. That is on her and will affect her down the road. It does NOT mean she has any regrets or is second-guessing.

 

I wasn't expecting you to give me this advice after what you said! I understand though.

 

Hmm... I just don't know if I can let go of the hope. I feel like it would invalidate all of the feelings I had for her when I thought we had a love that wouldn't die like this. I can't bring myself to accept who she has been is who she really is... I want it to pass and for it to come to light how stupid of a mistake the breakup was.

 

That said, I know where I went wrong in the relationship, and I remember well the things she has done and said that made me want to call it quits at times. But at the end I really thought not only could it be worked out but that we were going to work it out. Then *poof*... relationship and communication vanished. *sigh*... Just have a really, really hard time understanding it.

 

I really do appreciate the responses and I'm going to try to think about alternative mindsets that will be more positive. I can't keep functioning like this... something has to give.

[fuglinnfonix]

I'm seven months in from my divorce....and for a while I thought my pain was never going to go away. It hasn't......but...I feel like it's getting softer....she is becoming more and more a memory ...I still think of her everyday but I feel like I'm beginning in a transformation stage right now...going more and more into the acceptance stage. But it's still hard.

 

 

Just remember....there is no person in this world that is responsible for your happiness. You don't want to put that responsibility on a another person - it can only end in you getting dissapointed and overly attached...making this person somekind of a god in your life. Don't get me wrong..there is nothing wrong with being in love and commit to another person - but it's important to find your life-filling from the inside....then people will be drawn to you but not run away from you in the longrun. This is something I am still learning. This was my mistake in the past relationship. I lost all my identity, I was depressed, I was afraid of loosing....I began critisizing, be moody....silent treatment...........because she was my happiness and when she wasn't around I would get uncomfortable. I would get jealous. That's not normal. That's my advice to your. Hang in there....we are more here going through the same...but I promise you it will be better.

[lylat333]

Thank you. In my defense I did tell her at the end that I didn't need her to be happy but that I wanted the relationship... deaf ears. I also remember her saying, "Yeah, I've been in a lot of failed relationships!" and it hurt so much to think it may just be another breakup for her. I just feel at times we had too much between us at times, that I meant more to her than her exes did.

 

That said, I have definitely been guilty of letting her be in control of my happiness. My happiness went hand-in-hand with the hopes of reconciliation and when it wasn't happening I headed straight to rock-bottom. I tried to keep that pressure away from her but I know I was putting pressure on her at the end and none of it did any good, but I didn't know what else to do but fight. It was the only thing that made any sense to me.

 

The 3-day weekend is now here, and I'm feeling better than I did last night. About to play some disc golf... maybe swing by my cousin's house in my hometown and allow myself to relax tonight. I need to run and workout, I always feel better and more optimistic after that. I have got to get the negative thoughts out of my head that are eating me alive and making me feel trapped. Thanks again to everyone, really means a lot to me.

[Mariposa10]

I hate how our exes are ready to be intimate with someone or kiss someone else, while we are still mourning the relationship. Right now we must think about ONLY OURSELVES.

 

How long have you been single the longest? Because from previous posts you were in a long term relationship for many years, right? So perhaps this is the best time to re-discover yourself.

 

You should also try to be around people. I'm lucky enough to be around my family, so that helps me be stronger, if I were in your shoes I would probably feel really really bad too. Have you thought about volunteering? If you have the time, it'll help you feel better and you'll get to meet new people.

 

Start focusing on the present.

 

Good luck, I feel like the worst has passed already. We'll all be fine.

[BC1980]

Lyatt,

 

You have to bury the hope, and only you can do that. You can't think she is going to be the one to bury it somehow. I had a similar problem before I went NC. I wanted him to be the one to put the final nail in the relationship because I just didn't think I was strong enough to do it. Somehow, I was strong enough and did it by going NC.

 

I know how you feel you will never find someone else. That is normal, and we all feel it after a breakup.

[NomiMalone]

Yes, ideally there wouldn't be any hope. But once again hope is not something you can turn off at will. The hope will fade in time on its own. It's important you stay NC though and keep doing things for yourself.

[avacado]

My response might be redundant, but everything you've said is exactly what I'm going through, especially wishing she would contact me just so I could ignore her or even say something mean. All the while knowing she never will contact me, she's onto another guy, probably better than me in some way, etc etc etc

 

I've been in this boat for 8 months now and I'll tell you the few things that have worked. Therapy - this is an absolute must. I was nervous at first about talking with a stranger about my feelings, but I find I'm always looking at the clock during our meetings in the hopes that they won't end. The perspective of a trained professional who has seen your case a hundred times before, combined with the chance to vent without feeling ashamed feels amazing.

 

Another thing I started doing was keeping track of my exercise progress in Excel. I've always been very fit, but somehow being able to see a graph that shows me how many more pullups I can do or faster I can run a mile makes it feel more real that I'm "better" as a person.

 

And take comfort in knowing that you aren't unique, most people on this forum (and millions in real life) know exactly how you feel. You're young, and when you find someone who's better, you'll look back on all this and laugh.

 

And read over this post by BUBS. One of the most helpful I've found.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/430575-1-year-later

[JoelBarish]

My response might be redundant, but everything you've said is exactly what I'm going through, especially wishing she would contact me just so I could ignore her or even say something mean. All the while knowing she never will contact me, she's onto another guy, probably better than me in some way, etc etc etc

 

I've been in this boat for 8 months now and I'll tell you the few things that have worked. Therapy - this is an absolute must. I was nervous at first about talking with a stranger about my feelings, but I find I'm always looking at the clock during our meetings in the hopes that they won't end. The perspective of a trained professional who has seen your case a hundred times before, combined with the chance to vent without feeling ashamed feels amazing.

 

Another thing I started doing was keeping track of my exercise progress in Excel. I've always been very fit, but somehow being able to see a graph that shows me how many more pullups I can do or faster I can run a mile makes it feel more real that I'm "better" as a person.

 

And take comfort in knowing that you aren't unique, most people on this forum (and millions in real life) know exactly how you feel. You're young, and when you find someone who's better, you'll look back on all this and laugh.

 

And read over this post by BUBS. One of the most helpful I've found.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/coping/430575-1-year-later

 

I saw my ex recently with her new guy and that really pissed me off. Last time I spoke to her she noticed that I had dropped a few pounds - this was before I saw her with the new guy a few weeks later. Let me tell you that anger can be good motivation. I have a lot more weight to lose and I am sure I will be seeing her around town. The best revenge will be me being in great shape when she sees me AND knowing that she can never have me.

[AnyaNova]

The first thing that you have to do, as Soon as you can, is abandon all hope whatsoever. You are doing some good things, and making good progress. Unfortunately, when you have illness or some other thin like a headache, your interpretation of life events tends to worsen.

 

Yes, it hurts. Post here, and I would recommend using the "post here" thread because men especially tend to have their primary (for men, often only) contact person be their SO. What you can do, though it seems damaging at the beginning, like you might still be fostering hope, is confide on that thread about stuff in your life, like you would to them. A big piece of what we miss is that primary contact. But while you post, a switch will turn in your head if you do this daily, and as long as you are also catching up with friends and family. Eventually, the thread itself, rather than your ex, will take that place, and as that happens you will find that for most things, your first thoughts to share important things, won't be about sharing wih your ex, but your friends and family.

 

Also, immerse yourself in what you love to do. Only those activities will be enough to distract you. And cry when you need to. Also, be VERY careful with music. A little can be a good outlet to help you grieve, or cry, but watch carefully for that switch when it is no longer productive. And then make yourself by every force of will put on the positive tunes that crank your sense of purpose, make you feel good, and lift your mood. It will help.

 

Hang in there. There had been much good advice. I am a person that gives myself fully in relationships. I am nearly I over mine, despite the depth if my feelings for him, though to be fair, our relationship was only a few months. You can do it, though it needs to be in the time frame that is right for you.

[Waz]

Many have been there, done that buddy.

It's still too soon for you, at least in my opinion

You'll get better.

The best is to let your feelings out, not with others, when you are alone. Cry, then get mad, then relax etc.

 

You know what i did that time? Maybe it will help you.

I imagined how i wanted my "future self" to be.

I was thinking how to be successful and better in general, that when the time would come, my ex would see me and melt her heart, you know i wanted to be a real catch

I wanted to do this step by step but without anyone noticing i'm showing strong improvement that somehow could reach ex's ears, without first completing what i wanted. I wanted to impress everyone when they would see me without knowing that i was achieving things from the beginning.

 

So i started the process, doing what i had to and wanted, focusing on my thing and time by time i was so busy doing all these, that eventually i forgot the main purpose (=ex seeing me like this). And when i realized it, i didn't even bothered, i just kept doing what was needed to be, what i had imagined (i'm still doing it ).

 

I chose many little things, like driving license, philosophy, degree, science, learning many languages, hobbies, general knowledge, get in shape, new clothes etc. so all these together would bring my confidence back.

 

It would be easier if you have friends at this time, so you can relax without overthinking the situation, when you don't focus on your thing. What i learned from all these ****, is you can indeed be what and who you want, it's like starting over and be a new you, you only need to decided who you would like to be

 

Either way is win/win. Doing this, you can prove to yourself that you are capable of many things that you wouldn't even imagine, you will feel confidence.

 

Hope it helps.

Edited October 13, 2013 by Waz

[lylat333]

Thank you again so much everyone.

 

It's still been a tough weekend but I'm making it through. Friday night I went to my cousin's, hadn't seen him for almost 2 months. We sat in his living room and talked for a good 2-3 hours about my issues. He's the one who knew my ex and my situation better than anyone. It helped some... he tried to hammer it into my head that he really believes there is someone better out there for me than my ex. That I need to be with someone who wouldn't stress me out so much when she's out.

 

Saturday I slept in after 10+ hours of sleep... finally crawled out of my house around 2 p.m. Only productive thing I did before that was laundry. I did buy a new t-shirt (which I am wearing now for the first time) at a store I had never been to that sells exactly the kind of clothes I like. I went to play disc golf and was still so out of it I napped in my car at the park in broad daylight. Played a few rounds... joined another guy who was playing alone and talked to him. After that I was feeling really depressed... I did not want to go home and be alone. I was really thinking, "What's the point, I can't take this anymore."

 

I tried calling up 2 of my friends who live far away just to talk and neither of them answered, they text back and said they were at another friend's house. I said that was OK and called up another friend of mine. He was working so I went by the gas station he works at and talked to him for a little while. After that, still feeling down and not wanting to go home I called my best friend's mom, my Scrabble partner and asked if I could come by her house. Her house is like my "safe haven". Luckily I find out she is normally out every Saturday night but this weekend was an exception. I got there... spilled my guts again and we played a game of Scrabble. Finally I started to feel I was leveling out. I knew I could go home and sleep without having too crazy of thoughts.

 

I woke up this morning thinking of my ex, thinking terrible things like her being with another guy and her doing all the things I used to do with her, you know... made me wish we were still together so much. Finally for the first time I realized I had to be really pro-active about pushing these terrible thoughts out of my head. So every time I started thinking of my ex I start repeating over and over in my head, "I am a good person, I am a good person..." or, "I am a caring person, I am a caring person... I deserve to be happy, I deserve to be happy..." thinking if I can repeat positive mantras over and over and over again maybe I will actually start to believe it.

 

I got out of bed... got ready, and now I'll be leaving soon to go to my parents' to eat lunch and watch a football game. Might hang out with my friend for the 2nd half of the day.

 

I know this is a lot of detail but I feel like I need to get it out, get out of my own head. Oh, and yesterday morning I did search online for volunteer opportunities where I live. I was amazed how much there is to choose from. I'm going to call one of the places tomorrow to see if they need any help. It's at a nearby nature center that has an indoor museum thing, they host activities for kids and they also have several beautiful trails to walk on. I would like to help out at a place that has given me good times in the past.

 

"Acceptance" is still such a dirty word for me. I read BUBS' touching thread and really identified with this:

 

I'm not sure if this will make sense to the readers, but I believed in my heart that I'd rather suffer and feel what I knew was real, that love, that loss... then forget and continue on with my life happy and ignorant about what we really had.

 

I think that's a big part of what I'm going through. Almost like holding onto the pain and believing it was real love neither my ex and I can let go of so easy will make it so, even though that is so contrary to how I normally see the world. It really tears me up that she won't reach out for whatever reason. I thought I had gotten over wishing I would have done things differently and had at least accepted that but this morning I caught myself thinking of new things I could have done to prevent all this from happening.

 

As I was brushing my teeth I thought about how I've got to open up my heart enough to make room for someone else, because right now I don't think there's any room at all. I imagined a little me inside pulling my heart open... I've got to at least make room for the possibility someone else can provide me happiness.

 

Probably apparent that I'm not doing too well, huh? Well, I think I will get back in touch with my counselor, again, tomorrow and see about setting up 6 more free visits through my employee assistance program at work. I did some pullups and pushups this morning for a little boost, will probably do more soon. I don't feel ready at all to tackle big projects like learning another language or something like that... it would be great... but if I try to take on something too lofty I think I would feel I was only doing it to try and win my ex over again.

 

AnyaNova very interesting about what you said about music. All I have been listening to lately is piano and instrumental, because I don't want to listen to anything else. I haven't been able to enjoy podcasts because I'm sick of hearing about things that seem so trivial now. I don't listen to much upbeat stuff because it feels so strange, but I do sometimes. The instrumental stuff helps take my mind off life but maybe it is too much at times.

 

I didn't expect to type so much but that's what I'm going through. Thankfully tomorrow is a work holiday so I can have more time to recoup and it will make for a shorter work week. I really need to restock on groceries and actually try cooking a meal. I haven't cooked a single meal since I stopped hearing from my ex, and I've been missing some meals lately due to lack of energy and appetite. I'm glad my ex is out of my life so I don't have to worry about feeling my intense short-term up and down swings... I can relax a little and allow myself time to grieve and slowly but surely improve. I'm trying to be gentle on myself.

[AnyaNova]

You mentioned the intense up and down swings with your ex. I know that sensation too. With my ex, there was so much up and down. A few weeks into our relationship, a particular problem emerged, and after that, there was so much with the ups and downs, and it was a struggle. We will get through this. I am to the point with mine, that I know that I can't trust the new plate, and I am 99.99 percent sure that even if my ex came to my door, that the combination of the new plate I want to explore (you know, the broken plate metaphor, right?) and my surety that I would never be able to trust him again, I mean, he already proved that he's willing to act against his feelings for me, so how could I trust that no matter what the circumstances were, he might not do it again? And hurt me again. I couldn't. Ever. I know for a fact that I don't want him back. I don't think he's a bad guy and I hope he works out his issues. But I know that I don't want him back. You will get there too!

[laidbackguy]

lylat333, hope you are still hanging in there buddy. there isn't much i could say that has not been said before to you here, but know that we all empathize with you. i read your post and can relate to your situation. one day at a time, buddy.

[AnyaNova]

Edit for the above: "can't trust the broken plate."