elizabeth21 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 How can I accept he wasn't for me? We broke up in April over a year of dating and even tho I really cared about him, I guess he wasn't for me. We were each others first. He broke it off when I should have awhile ago because he just wasn't a good bf in general. Forgot dates, would barely text me, did nothing for our 1 year, would get angry easily at me and I ended up saying sorry all the time, and he never told me how much I meant to him or anything like that. He's 17 and I'm 18 and I wore the pants. I want to be taken care of and being the one doing everything. I planned all the hangouts n what not. We saw each other like twice a week and he thought I was clingy or high maintenance because I wanted more of his time. I think he thought I was those things because I'm more mature and need a MAN and not a boy. I'm not a prissy girl like he thinks and he didn't get to see all my sides cause we barely hung. But after breaking up I realized all the cool sides I had that I never got to show him. He's now dating my "friend" (said he wasn't ready for a relationship but he lied about that at the break up cause he didn't have guts and didn't want to tell me the real reasons n hurt me) who's 17 and never had a bf. Idk if she'll just get hurt in the end like me and if it's just a honeymoon stage, or if he loves her more to change. It sucks to think he could love someone more and treat her better. She may have different standers of how she wants to be treated tho. He said to her that we're both different. She's more laid back and I think introverted like him where as I'm outgoing. She said she's relaxed and confident unlike me.. she thinks my confidence is "fake underneath it all"..She acts like she's all that tho..It kinda stinks seeing him like her more. He had a hot temper sometimes and idk if she'll see that side or if I just brought that out in him. He once pushed me against a wall when I was walking away from him when he was trying to explain why this girl was all over him (who I thought he liked). I cared about him a lot and should've ended it but I didn't. I was willing to put up with the unhappy moments to be with him. We did have a great relationship until the last couple months when things just got frustrating and he got more busy. Idk if I should regret being picky with our time together and how I was treated, but everyone said he was a jerk. He told me I deserved someone I wanted cause he said he isn't a romantic guy and probably never will be. He drives out to see her and sits with her in church. He used to do that with me until we hit 6 months and he stopped and would sit outside the service while I sat alone. He got lazy with that. Idk if it's a honeymoon phase but he got over me pretty quick after the break up and started to like someone a week after. He started talking to my "friend" over the summer. I didn't think he was ready for a relationship and he told me that to spare my feelings. But I honestly don't think he is when his mom even said he was a bad bf. Advice please? -add on- I think in my next relationship I'm gonna try to not fall as hard and not please him so much because I ended up just hurt by caring so much...I did a lot for him. What stinks is I didn't get some words in at the break up of how I felt. And he thinks he's just some guy that's hard to get over. Idk if he changed in 3 months to date this girl, but I wish he saw that my ways of how I wanted to be treated are kinda normal for a girl my age. He found someone younger and inexperienced so maybe it'll be easier for him? He used to care cause last year he told his friend he would be as emotional as a girl if we broke up..He used to be really sweet to me I swear..I think me wanting more than what he could give turned him off of me..Idk how guys can get over a long relationship fast. He said he had a "tear" the night before we broke up. Then he turned so cold to me after the break up while I was trying to be nice/not awkward about it. Please no rude answers!
Leigh 87 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Welcome to the world of dating and relationships! Yes, it is VERY common for a guy to have a girlfriend he is " lukewarm" about, only to meet a girl who does knock his socks off, and who in turn, he treats like a princess. I am not sure how it is with your situation in particular, but a lot of introverts still want to talk to and see that special someone often, more than twice a week.. All sorts of things are possible, but there is really no use thinking about it too much, what matters is: you were with a guy who couldn't give you what you needed, either because he just wasn't that into you, or that is just the way he is with EVERY girl he is with. A number of things are possible: he is so young, and MOST YOUNG GUYS have relationships with girls that they are not all that crazy about. It doesn't mean they don't like you or don't care about you, they just were not mature enough to know what true love is yet, and therefore went for a girl they liked somewhat, rather than waiting for a girl they were crazy about. He could like her more than he did you. His behaviour with her COULD very well be better; he could do more things that he didn't do for you because he just feels more strongly about her. Such is life. Seriously. Such is life. Next time, I have a few suggestions: - pick a guy who meets your level of interest, who texts and calls once every day or two and who INITIATES dates equally, if not more, than you do, and does so regularly does not leave it for a week or more just to spend time with you. - If you initiate every texts, phone call and date, it is often because the guy is not all that into you (though he could very well LIKE you a lot as a person) - If you have to wear the "pants" in the relationship, it sounds like you're not cut out for that sort of relationship; you seem too outgoing and like you know what you want and you want a partner who also wants you and shows he wants you, rather than let YOU do all the organizing and initiating talks of plans/dates. Forget about this guy, and chalk it up to experience! I have had two long term relationships, and the one I had at YOUR AGE, I can tell you, meant nothing to me in the long run.... I am glad I had it, however, I did NOT KNOW what being IN love meant, and I never think about that guy at all now. My NEXT long term relationship was when I was an adult, and I fell in love with him properly this time around. Surprise surprise, when I was YOUR AGE I "thought" it was love, only for me to realise later on as an adult, it indeed WASNT love and was mere co dependence and a bond. I AM GLAD my last relationship failed, as it has taught me a lot more about what I need from my future relationships! It hurt like HELL to not be with him anymore, don't get me wrong. You will probably face some very dark feelings and be in utter pain over one or likely more than one dude. Let me tell you, it gets better and you have to treat all experiences as positive ones; now you know you need a guy who wears the pants:lmao: There is much more for you to discover at your young age!
Leigh 87 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Oh, and this girl is NOT your "friend". True friends don't date dudes that have slept with or even dated their friends:sick: It's really un - classy and in very bad taste and shows very poor strength of character and also that they lack boundaries, integrity and are not that great of a person in general. At your age? Funnily enough, it is to be expected! A 16 or 17 year old has no idea of manners and how to carry themselves properly in life and relationships! As an adult though in a few years time, adults do not date their exes friends. Just no!
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