pyramid Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 In the past week, I've gotten random texts from two guys that I dated 5-6 months ago. Both of them disappeared... one after one date (and a few texts afterward) and the other after a month (he flaked on a date and never replied to my text; contacted me 2 weeks later, which I didn't respond to). I swear they have relationship radar... the guy I've been dating for 3 months has recently been upgraded to boyfriend. I have no interest in seeing either of them again. I didn't reply to the one-date guy. I sent a short reply to the other guy (because it was a new phone # and I didn't recognize the number) but he's trying to continue the conversation. For some reason I feel rude not replying, but then I remember they are the ones that disappeared in the first place. Thoughts/stories?
FitChick Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Just tell them you have a boyfriend and "good luck on your search!" 2
phineas Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 Just tell them you have a boyfriend and "good luck on your search!" This or "who is this?" Followed by your silence. I don't get people like this. They disappear on you then contact you out of the blue and act like they never blew you off. not worth your time or energy. 1
todreaminblue Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 you say hi you be friendly if you are in arelationship you let them know you are happy and in lurrrv then you go to explain the hundred reasons why you are....in great detail even write a poem or two ...they dont bother contacting you again if what they were lookign for was a hook up pretty evil but it works in the noicest way...turns them right off trust me.......or.....they tell you i am so happy for you but ok you are making me really sick you suck pass the bucket so i can text a throw up..... and then you can be friends when it is obvious they are not reconnecting for sex or slap and tickle sessions...................deb
happywithlife Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I had a guy do this to me. We went on a few dates, then he disappeared. He reappeared when I started dating my current boyfriend. I met him in person that time and told him I wasn't interested in dating. He recently texted me again. I nicely asked him to delete me from his contacts as I was in a very happy relationship with the same person I was dating months ago. I haven't heard back from him. Hoping he respected my wishes! I think people do this when they are bored and have run through dating options they currently have. . . 3
Author pyramid Posted October 11, 2013 Author Posted October 11, 2013 I don't get people like this. They disappear on you then contact you out of the blue and act like they never blew you off. I guess this is what bugs me about it... esp the one who flaked on the date... is it really that hard to apologize? The thing is, me not wanting to see them has nothing to do with my boyfriend. It's because they are jerks. I finally replied to the second one last night: short, polite, conversation ender.
deathandtaxes Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 classic fishing technique. You didn't delete their number from your phone after you didn't see either of them? That way they can text you and you can respond, "who is this?"
BluEyeL Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I see no reason to reply if you are in a relationship and not interested. I would truly not give a damn. 2
TigerCub Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I guess this is what bugs me about it... esp the one who flaked on the date... is it really that hard to apologize? The thing is, me not wanting to see them has nothing to do with my boyfriend. It's because they are jerks. I finally replied to the second one last night: short, polite, conversation ender. Honestly if I was in that situation, I'd call him out on it I'd say 'So you flake on a date and now you want to chat me up - I can't be bothered with idiocy of that magnitude - I have no time for people without manners - lose my #' He was a jerk and should be called out on it, then blocked. what a loser. 1
dlyall Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 I usually delete numbers so I always do... "who is this?!" Otherwise , you can just ignore , you owe no one.
Phantom888 Posted October 11, 2013 Posted October 11, 2013 For some reason these long-time casual daters indeed have relationship radars! The week my woman and I became exclusive, she got texts/emails from 3 people she went on dates in the past. She says these people have a list, and they go through the list periodically just to try their luck. Losers. She was polite and explained to them she's in a happy serious relationship now, and 2 of them stopped. Then 1 guy texted her 2 weeks ago, and she just ignored him. That should get him to stop. These guys are desperate, and think they can disrespect women by treating them like numbers on speed dial. Totally lame. 2
bumpyroad Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) OP, I'd have been annoyed if I'd got those in the context you describe. To me it just translates as dropping you while they carry on looking/sniffing 'round other women, then when they haven't found anything 'better', they come sniffing round you again. There's no radar of them knowing you have a boyfriend. Don't worry about being rude. I'd have told them to get stuffed. Edited October 12, 2013 by bumpyroad typo 2
phineas Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 I guess this is what bugs me about it... esp the one who flaked on the date... is it really that hard to apologize? The thing is, me not wanting to see them has nothing to do with my boyfriend. It's because they are jerks. I finally replied to the second one last night: short, polite, conversation ender. someone flakes on me I do not contact again because it's up to them to reschedule. after a week I delete them. I used to call women out over text when they came back but it lacks satisfaction since most of those are people from OLD I don't even know. Once you have called someone out/shown them they dun goofed that you know in person you don't even give OLD people a second thought.
Author pyramid Posted October 12, 2013 Author Posted October 12, 2013 I never delete, because I want to know who it is if they come back months later. Some of them get renamed though it's easier for me to know who it is and ignore them, than to have to do the "who is this" thing. It would bug me not to know.
Eleanore Posted October 12, 2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Ugh, this has happened to me before. Personally, I would not reply in any way. No need to call them out, admonish them, or educate them. People like this aren't receptive to that anyway. And they're fishing for a response - ANY response - so denying them that is the best way to teach them to cut it out. If they really want to apologize for the past and seriously try to take up with you again and do better (which I doubt) they can show they're serious by calling you. 2
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 For some reason these long-time casual daters indeed have relationship radars! The week my woman and I became exclusive, she got texts/emails from 3 people she went on dates in the past. She says these people have a list, and they go through the list periodically just to try their luck. Losers. She was polite and explained to them she's in a happy serious relationship now, and 2 of them stopped. Then 1 guy texted her 2 weeks ago, and she just ignored him. That should get him to stop. These guys are desperate, and think they can disrespect women by treating them like numbers on speed dial. Totally lame. Yeah. I know my ex had a list. I even saw on his phone that he'd contacted a few women, one after the other (if one didn't reply he contacted the next, and sometimes simultaneously, but that was rare), after he broke up with me the first time around (I saw the text history after we got back together and I was suspecting him of cheating). It was truly pathetic to read through those texts. The women mostly ignored him, so he moved on to the next person on his list. Actually, one of the women was his FWB back in the UK, and he contacted her right after he broke up with me during Christmastime, when he was back in the UK and had a few weeks off. I think he was pretty much looking for a quick f*ck. Desperate is an understatement.
NoMoreJerks Posted October 13, 2013 Posted October 13, 2013 (edited) OP, I'd have been annoyed if I'd got those in the context you describe. To me it just translates as dropping you while they carry on looking/sniffing 'round other women, then when they haven't found anything 'better', they come sniffing round you again. There's no radar of them knowing you have a boyfriend. Don't worry about being rude. I'd have told them to get stuffed. Yeah. There was this guy I went out twice with, who wined and dined me, then disappeared on me, left my text unanswered, etc. I had accidentally stumbled upon his profile on a dating site as well (we had met in real life, not from OLD), basically looking for women to hang out with. He wasn't from my city, he was here for long business trips (for most of the year pretty much), so by the time I had sent that last text, I pretty much realized that he was definitely sniffing around for better women. I had deleted his number and moved on , then I get a text 2 months later, saying, "sorry for being such a stranger." I knew it was him only because I don't share my number with most people I meet. I knew right away that he was probably gonna be in town and since he hadn't found a better woman to spend time with, he was trying his luck again with me. I never bothered to reply. He followed up with a second text, a few days later. As I had predicted, he was in town, he said he wanted to see me. LOL. Yeah. I was gonna rush to see him. Right... I deleted the text, did not reply, and he never bothered me again. I think he got the hint. Edited October 13, 2013 by NoMoreJerks 2
Author pyramid Posted October 14, 2013 Author Posted October 14, 2013 There's no radar of them knowing you have a boyfriend. Ok, I was joking about the radar, but just got texts from another one tonight. Three within a week of making it official? Creepy coincidence!!!
BornToDie Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Almost all the guys I've dated before my current boyfriend come in and out of my life every couple of months. As tempting and as interesting as it is to get a text at 5 AM that says, "Can you talk?" these people never, ever change. As soon as they come back in, a few texts later, they're gone again. They don't change, and they're not worth it. Don't let them manipulate you. Strangely enough, with these people I've dealt with, not responding is what gives them more interest. Can't win. 1
Leigh 87 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Yeah. There was this guy I went out twice with, who wined and dined me, then disappeared on me, left my text unanswered, etc. I had accidentally stumbled upon his profile on a dating site as well (we had met in real life, not from OLD), basically looking for women to hang out with. He wasn't from my city, he was here for long business trips (for most of the year pretty much), so by the time I had sent that last text, I pretty much realized that he was definitely sniffing around for better women. I had deleted his number and moved on , then I get a text 2 months later, saying, "sorry for being such a stranger." I knew it was him only because I don't share my number with most people I meet. I knew right away that he was probably gonna be in town and since he hadn't found a better woman to spend time with, he was trying his luck again with me. I never bothered to reply. He followed up with a second text, a few days later. As I had predicted, he was in town, he said he wanted to see me. LOL. Yeah. I was gonna rush to see him. Right... I deleted the text, did not reply, and he never bothered me again. I think he got the hint. You're awesome So many women just jump on those " out of the blue" texts. It is just. refreshing to see you, as a woman, get treated like poo, and then actually REGISTER that hey, you deserve better and wont bother giving the time of day to men who don't appreciate you! Most women tend to take in onto themselves to " be better" if a guy disappears or loses interest only to come back later on. Good to see someone who can see right through their bs 2
NoMoreJerks Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 You're awesome So many women just jump on those " out of the blue" texts. It is just. refreshing to see you, as a woman, get treated like poo, and then actually REGISTER that hey, you deserve better and wont bother giving the time of day to men who don't appreciate you! Most women tend to take in onto themselves to " be better" if a guy disappears or loses interest only to come back later on. Good to see someone who can see right through their bs As they say, live and learn lol... I wasn't always like this. Now, I see right through their bullsh*t. In the past, I'd have wondered what I did wrong, whether I gave the wrong signal, made a wrong move, said the wrong thing, etc.THe list was endless. I realized at some point that I was torturing myself, and that it made no sense whatsoever. And I also realized that I had been disrespecting myself. Mainly, my lack of response was about respecting myself. That was just despicable behavior on that man's part, and I wasn't about to take the bait and accept that sort of disrespect. I've reclaimed /regained my self-esteem and self-respect -- will never sacrifice them at the altar of a narcissistic douchebag's self-centred, self-serving, filthy behavior.
Leigh 87 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 Me? Hmm. I genuinely did things to put both disappearing guys off, and they both treated me very well when we hung out, and they didn't make it seem like they disappeared to sniff out if there was anything better; I genuinely think I put them of and they bailed, since they barely knew me. I would reply to the past two guys who disappeared, purely because I am not convinced they were lying the entire time and never that into me to begin with. What I WOULDNT do, is agree to jump right back onto them. I would offer friendship and the "possibility" of it going further if it was meant to be one day. I would make it clear that I don't know them, and I would want to get to know them well before considering them as dating material again after them disappearing. I figure if they are worth it, they would like being around me so much that they would want to.. well, be around me. As a friend with the promise of more once they proved themselves as decent and genuine guys. ...I would skip a beat if the past guy texted. ...Is there a chance that these guys REALLY come back? I just don't think I was merely an "option" to them that didn't stand out from any other girl. I am well travelled and interesting. Based on the types of guys they were, I highly doubt they have a "list" of girls, and I doubt they were lukewarm about me to begin with. What do you think? The two last guys fell hard then, when I showed me slightly strange and quirky personality more, coupled with my insecurity issues that, even my friends said would drive them away from a girl they were really into. If the guy was initially genuinely into you and bailed when you acted a tad crazy, do they ever re visit things later on? I tend to think only the guys who EVER saw you as only FWB potential will re appear, cos if they liked you and you put them off, they would surely NOT want to fall for you again since, well, you proved yourself to be trouble.
Leigh 87 Posted October 14, 2013 Posted October 14, 2013 As they say, live and learn lol... I wasn't always like this. Now, I see right through their bullsh*t. In the past, I'd have wondered what I did wrong, whether I gave the wrong signal, made a wrong move, said the wrong thing, etc.THe list was endless. I realized at some point that I was torturing myself, and that it made no sense whatsoever. And I also realized that I had been disrespecting myself. Mainly, my lack of response was about respecting myself. That was just despicable behavior on that man's part, and I wasn't about to take the bait and accept that sort of disrespect. I've reclaimed /regained my self-esteem and self-respect -- will never sacrifice them at the altar of a narcissistic douchebag's self-centred, self-serving, filthy behavior. Yeah, without going as far as saying a lot of guys are narcissistic, there DOES seem to be a lot of guys who are douches to all girls, besides really hot ones or the ones THEY are into; all other girls are just a fun game to them. I don't think all guys are bad, but a lot of them do lack SOME empathy... to the extent that they are nice to people they like and girls they are into, but they still hold onto girls they are NOT that into for the sake of having a girl they are attracted to to have sex with and enjoy talking to. Some people are nice, but not THAT nice, if you catch my drift... I think the guys who disappeared on me were not necessarily a holes. Disrespectful and spineless for not breaking up with me, but they treated me very well when together, and even my good friends admitted that it could have been my behaviour that drove them away. Oh well. You live and learn as they say. I read your previous posts and I used to feel so sorry for you to be honest. I thought you were the type to put up with crap. People here also used to think the same about me, since I "let" my ex sleep with hookers, cos, you know, I thought a lot of guys would be in love and be able to do it. Now I can see your avatar, you look beautiful really, and you're very smart and now you don't take any crap from guys which is awesome! It just sounds like you have come a long way since your last posts, I was impressed and thought I would give you a thumbs up lol Here's to no More Jerks:bunny: haha 1
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